General

never thought that i’d be here.

i have fuzzy days and days that are okay. i wish i had enough strength in me to go through with it, but i’m too weak. i’m not enough.

How could I be so blind?
How could I have let someone in that would hurt me so much.  Threaten my future.  And humiliate me.
How could he say he wants me back after he said all of that.
Why does this happen to me?
Why don’t these pills make my body fail.
9 sleeping pills later-

Today, I thought it will be a good day. I was wrong. I am tired of how people treat me miserably. Someone told me that because of my face that most of the time, I get bullied. I thought that when you reached a certain age that the bullying will just stop. Apparently, that is not the case. Bullying even happens at work place. Sometimes, people that were given a little bit of power become so abusive. I always asked myself why do I really care so much about work— especially when you are just doing your best and […]

I’ve been ostracized. I’ve been victimized. I’m vulnerable. I’m broken. Emptiness lingers at the top my fingers as the rest against my cold shiny comfort of my blade. I’ve stared at walls. I’ve been thrown up against them. Beaten to the ground. Trying to cover my ears so it can muffle the sound. The sound of sorrow. The sound of my life. I’ve never belonged. Incapable of emotional attachments. Afraid of trust. But not death. Cause death is my friend. He promised to take me to lunch. The final supper. I will feast. I crave for companionship. Someone to hold me. Nothing more nothing less. […]

I’m saying goodbye now. The inevitable has been prolonged for too long. I’m sick of everything piling up & having no way to go about sorting it all out. I can’t stand for 2 seconds without being knocked over & left with my face in the ground. It’s too much.

So with that, I say goodbye to you all & good luck with your endevours.

damn I wanna die. I WANT TO DIE. WHY CANT I JUST DIE?!?!  I NEED THE PILLS. MY KNIFE. I NEED TO CUT. he’s pissed off at me now, he told me that. he said I caused him pain and lack of sleep. I dont deserve him. IM SO FUCKING STUPID. IM SELFISH. IM A FREAKING MONSTER. ALL I DO IS CAUSE PAIN TO OTHERS . shit I cant think anymore. this is stupid. life is stupid. im stupid. dammit! maybe I could kill myself tonight. ah whatever. no one cares about this anyway.

I’m so sick of people. I’m so sick of myself.

My impression is that this is a net website to catch people who are suicidal and to discourage them…without them really noticing it. Anyways if you think it is your right to commit suicide then let your lawmakers know how you feel and get the law changed, or move to where it is legal if your looking for the pleasant way out. Life is not fair or enjoyable to the poor, sick, depressed but your subconscious is stronger then our consciousness as it would be hard to get the guts or Balls to pull off a suicide alone and completely. I like […]

why do i feel like hes not the right one is it cuz of the age difference. is it cuz he hits me a little harder than i think he should is it cuz hes in a lot of trouble or is it cuz i am hate myself so much that i feel like i deserve no one idk i am just to tired to think so i guess i will stay with him until things get really bad.

I feel… Sad
tormented even.
…I dont know anymore
i just.. want to give up
dont even feel like
finishing anything…
I dont even know
if i will finish this
I guess mine life…
is betraying me.
Everyone crowding me
with their pity sympthy.
Stop feeling bad for me
its just… makes me wanna cry.
No more cheerfulness
and no more getting mine hopes up.
I am… just going to let
everything pass me by.
Be alone
like other people are
and hide from the rest
of the world.

I remember when I was happy. so young and innocent. then you hit the teen years, and your life just completely turns around. like when you start to understand pain and agony and all that crap, when you really find out who people are, you fall into a deep hole you can’t get out of cause no one cares you’re there.
I have come to realize that this world is a beautiful place, that life would be worth living, if only it weren’t for those careless, hurtful people who don’t give a damn about you. I wish I could help all those suicidal […]

This loneliness is gonna kill me

I’m very curious as to how a person seems unable to tell if someone else is very drunk.
Sometimes I just want to scream at him – tell him to open his damn eyes and see whats right in front of him, but I know what will happen if I do that so I keep my mouth shut… well i try…but I often resort to sarcasm. He can’t even see how depressed I am. No matter how much I talk about death and the fact that I am not going to be around much longer..it just goes right over his damn head.

It’s been a long seven months not being able to see his face.. what could have gone wrong .. I Received a call from my best friend who had been his girlfriend for over a year. “He’s missing ” as she was crying , i didn’t know what to say all that came to me was my mind thinking maybe he had ran off somewhere. Her response ” His bag ,phone and everything else were found at the bridge” I was in utter shock.. she said goodbye. That night i was on my way to my grandparents to go on a camp retreat the next […]

Happy Father’s Day, Dad.

To all =]

Such a badass song. Best suicide song ever.

My legs are dangling off the edge
The bottom of a bottle is my only friend
I think I’ll slit my wrists again and I’m
Gone, gone, gone, gone

My legs are dangling off the edge
A stomach full of pills didn’t work again
I’ll put a bullet in my head and I’m
Gone, gone, gone, gone

Gone too far yea I’m gone again
It’s gone on too long tell you how it ends
I’m sitting on the edge with my two best friends
One’s a bottle of pills and one’s a bottle of gin.

I’m twenty stories up, […]

and I don’t know what to do.