General

I’ve been clawing at my face.  Digging my nails into it and saying, “Go ahead and rip it off, rip off your ugly fucking face so no one has to ever see it again.”  I just want to break everything reflective so I don’t have to look at it either.

Im not slipping on ice
im not slipping on water
It seems more like
im slipping on glass.
The sharp martial
gab deep into
mine fragile skin.
Its points…
are sharpen like
an kitchen knife.
Stab Stab Stab
as it feeds on mine flesh.
As the blood sleep out
like an overflow waterfall.
Im not slipping on ice
im not slipping on water
i guess tonight was the night
that i had finally fall.

My secrets are hidden in a pandora shaped box waiting for that one day to come in which it can be unlocked so my soul can escape and I can pull back the curtain of fabrication that others call life. Not a matter of what purpose it should serve and how it’ll end but the actual purpose. Always running away from our problems. Guess that’s why they call it the human race for humanity’s sake they tell us to not ask questions. Silence so loud for it has no company. Watching and observing my surroundings. The people and the places they choose to go. But […]

I’ve been struggling with depression since I was in middle school. I was diagnosed after I tried to kill myself, and was proscribed prozac, but my father thought it was silly, that every teen these days is getting proscibed drugs for what is just a normal part of growing up, and for a while I agreed. I coped with it. I had good days and bad, but I also had a great group of friends I could rely on. I grew up. My 20th birthday is now coming up, and my life, it seems, is in a downward spiral.

Almost two years ago, only a […]

Hi, I’ve been lurking on this site for a couple days. I’m amazed at how you guys pour out your hearts and deepest secrets to total strangers. When I first came across this site while looking for help I thought it wasn’t for me, but now I realize there is no better place to talk to people who know what I’m going through. So many discussions on here read like they were plucked right out of my head. I’m glad I found this site.

i have another account on here and no one ever comments on that account anymore i really feel love buy you guys thanks

hey guys well lifes been good i have been tired as crap and work has been kicking ass people there have been mean and i am tired of listing to there bull shit no ones nice to me they give me shit all the time so i just shut my mouth and let them fuck up i am done with trying to help them out. when i first started working there all the people were nice. and now that its all new people and they are young and cocky and think they know what the fuck they doing and when i tell them the right […]

i can’t do this.

i don’t know how.

It was my fourth day (3 hrs a day!!) of driver’s ed and there is about 55 people in my class. Two of those people, who I’m sooo happy to sit next to, used to throw random food bits at my lunch table. They make fun of this one kind of dorky kid out loud where people (and probably the kid) can hear. That bothers me for two reasons 1. I hate bullies (I’ve been bullied) and mean people in general 2. And I have to listen to them while I’m trying to learn about driving. Instead of focusing on learning, I’m thinking of nasty […]

I hate everyone.

When I used to say this to my counselor he would ask, “Who DON’T you hate?”
I could sometimes throw out a name to please him. Usually someone I wasn’t that well-acquainted with…but I’d realize that I was lying, these people were equally annoying, equally self-centered, they ignore me just as much as everyone else.
I only found one true exception. He once posed the question again–“Who DON’T you hate?”–and I responded, “You.” Because he was the only person, in my entire life, that hadn’t neglected me. And even though it was his job to do what he did, it was still the […]

Okay something weird is going on with mine clock. in the morings and afternoons its a minute ahead but at nights its a minute behind. Maybe im seeing things. Maybe someone is playing a trick on me. Or im just fuck up in the mind. I dont know whats going on but its driving me insane. I know its just a clock but this one is driving me to the edge. Damn clock. Damn mind. Damn life. Why is it fucking me up. Why is this clock so fucking unquie.

Right now all I want is someone to talk too…but there’s no one here to listen and no one I know to care.

Im now in the process of ordering a ******** tank mostly for testing. I must say, it has been easy. Almost too easy, but i dont complain;=))

Right now the biggest worry is, that the flow fitting wont fit into the ******** tank. Im using a flow fitting from a Helium tank. A bit afraid that the pressure in the ******** tank is higher then in a Helium tank. However considering the tanks(wich the flow fittings are designed for)are the same size, and ******** and Helium are BOTH lighter then air, the chances of a “bad fit” are relatively small. Even if this fails i’ll still […]

So, yeah I was born to one of the most cruelest woman alive. I was adopted by another nasty woman. I do not know love nor was it ever extended to me. I made a serious mess of my life over the years, and I also turned into a cruel woman. However a year and a half ago I fell in love for the first time, well besides loving my kids, but anyways I fell in love with a man who loved me faults and all. Last July well my car was hit at 75 mph by a drunk driver, my fiance died, my 4 […]

I told a friend that I was having serious thoughts about killing myself. She told me not to contact her any more, and that maybe one day we could be friends again. I don’t know if I’ll be around if that day comes.

hi all. first post here. im feeling terrible today, and im realizing that ive spent my whole life unhappy. what a thought. every day, week, month, and year of my life has been spent feeling terrible. and i keep thinking one day it will change but it doesnt. i know a lot of you folks out there feel the same, but that only makes me sadder.

i wish things were somehow easier. i wish things would turn up. i wish for the freedom to heal, but im constantly between a rock and a hard place. and i cant get any help, not that anyone could help […]

i’ll be honest, i am trying to cope the best i am, but i have no human contact right now, and i was hoping people in the uk, or if anyone has an xbox (as its a free international call) would wanna have a chat? and i mean, about ANYTHING! or anyone in the bristol area or close, who would just wanna have  a drink?

When someone says, “Suicide Is A Selfish Act”, the first thing that probably pops into your head is, “Dude, you’re full of complete shit.”

Yea, that’s what I think too. But we think about it, and we realize that maybe suicide is a selfish act, because your family and friends are left hopeless with unbearable guilt and pain.

BUT, The ones that say “Suicide Is Selfish”, ARE selfish themselves. You know how? Because they’re thinking about themselves. All they care about is their feelings, not the one who took their own life. You know damn well that someone wouldn’t kill themselves just because they wanted to cause […]

You know how when you were a kid, nothing was that serious? You could do anything, and the world never would hurt a hair on your head. You were so energetic and ready for anything. Nothing ever really hurt, at least not as bad as it does now. Everything was basically perfect. Conformity didn’t exist, neither did pain, revenge, loss, anger, NOTHING. Everything was bright and pure. Then everything fades to black, and you think you’ve died and gone to hell. Now that I think about it, what is hell? Is hell now, or when you were a child? Being clueless about the world can […]

I have that feeling again. The one where you feel like you’re not really here, like you’re somewhere else. It’s not bad, it’s kind of euphoric. I feel like I could be anyone or anything I want, besides me. If I wanted to be a faerie, I could be a faerie. If I wanted to be a millionaire, I could be a millionaire. Rockstar, homeless person, drug dealer, holy roller, demon, vampire, whatever. Maybe this isn’t an out of body experience, maybe an Identity Crisis. Or maybe I’m going insane. Hell if I know. I’m always questioning my mind. Maybe because my problem isn’t that […]