i didn’t want to wake up. i was having a much better time asleep. and that’s really sad. it was almost like a reverse nightmare, like when you wake up from a nightmare you’re so relieved. i woke up into a nightmare.
Category:
My Suicide Note
Does anyone get thoughts about not living anymore? Like if there was a way to just disappear with no pain and not hurting anybody you knew,would you do it? I would like to say that i wouldn’t, that i love my family or words don’t hurt me or whatever people who are stronger than me say. But the difference between me and them is that I am a coward. I can’t talk back in fear of being hurt and I would chose to disappear and never come back than to try to fight back. Unfortunately, there is no such thing as a painless way out. […]
I hate this boring, bored reality / real life / real world, I hate this life, this LIMITED world, and I hate people/humans ..!!
by niki
written by niki
Movies, books, video games, novels, comics, anime/manga, etc etc, basically human’s IMAGINATIONS is a hundred times FAR much more interesting than this very LIMITING reality / real-world / real-life here in this world!
and what’s even worse is that most (about 90%) of humans / people I meet & know everyday are mostly stupid, shallow, superficial, mundane/boring, money and profits and image driven only, ignorant,.. mostly human beings especially today these days are much more bad & hopeless ..!!
(there are -thankfully/luckily?- only FEW humans/people that I like, eg: the very creative/imaginative & ‘other-worldly’ artists who created/made all those awesome fantasy, sci-fi stories, novels, books, […]
It’s been 3 years since i last made a post on here about my depression. Let’s just say I’m the happiest I’ve really ever been. I coped with my depression by exercising and being healthy, doing so I lost 20 pounds in the process which I am happy about. When year 10 of school started I decided I would try something risky and I did. I tried out for the foreign exchange program to go overseas. With the risky decision I succeeded and am now going to Germany in July. And this is all because I found a way to cope with my depression and […]
Visions I’ve been dreaming are coming down, they’re changing my future. Visions I had buried underground returning to abuse me. I’m getting worse, I can’t sleep. I thought that the feeling was gone, but it’s getting stronger. And I miss him, I miss him so much. I’m missing him like never before. But still, can’t be with him, can’t tell him, can’t dream about it. It hurts, like hell. I just want to be okay. I just, want to.
I thought I could end it with ease. All I had to do was step off Instead I just sat there frozen. How come I couldn’t do it after all I’ve been through? Everyday wishing it would end. I just can’t understand how I could be scared of death.       I’m such a *****!
If you are reading this, please listen with an open heart.
My best friend committed suicide on March 14th. She had an account on this website that i just came across and she had posted asking about ways she could do it, and my already shattered heart broke a thousand times more as i read the comments telling her how. As much as apart of me wants to respond with so much anger to anyone who encouraged her in how to end her life, a bigger part of me also breaks for all the others who were in her same numb state. She had talked with […]
My numbness takes me over,
Moving me as it likes.
Today it took my razor,
And quickly began to slice.
With blood rolling down my arms,
All I could do is cry.
Cry, cry, and cry some more.
Slowly collapsing onto my bathroom floor.
I begin to question the fact that Iexsit.
Why wass I placed on this Earth, if this the life I must live?
My numbness again takes over
Grabbing a bottle of pills.
It shoves them down my throat,
One pill at time.
I once again collapse,
Crying a little less.
Then, a smile speads across my face knowing I’ll soon be dead.
Hi. Â This is probably going to be weird. I’m actually in 6th grade right now and I found this website. It matches me. Because this is the only website that I could write my thoughts about.
••
It’s 3:07 am and I can’t sleep. I just can’t. I’m so tired and I want to rest. So I have a friend that always judge everything. I mean sometimes I ask myself why am I friends with this person? I mean she punched me on my stomach which really hurts for me because she doesn’t know anything about me except for the things […]
I want out. I no longer want to live. I know this. Why is it so hard to end it? I’ve lost everything and the things I’ve never dealt with have eaten me alive. The only thing I think about is ending it. I wish I had a heart attack that would just take me. Or anything. Something. There is no reason to live, no love, no nothing. And there’s no one to talk to. They’ve all left me. And yet I stay here. Why? Why the fuck do I still breathe? I should be dead. I should have been dead long ago. And I’m […]
So I’ve come to the conclusion that it does not get better. The mental disorders don’t go away, I won’t get any less socially awkward, & I will not become any less pathetic. I’ve sought help & It lead to my family thinking I’m crazy to the point where none of them want anything to do with me. I tried to just get away, but I end up with more problems then I started with. Always naturally hated by everyone I’ve met. First I thought it was a test. Then when I lost faith I thought it was a punishment, but now I know there […]
Cold blue steel
Pressed to my temple
I tremble some
this trigger has always been light
No tears will spill
for me, not for me
only anger for the mess
I will leave
A half-century of life
like trash in the wind
leaves me so angry
– that my old man didn’t jack off in the sink
ok well here it is im 17 and I met this girl online when I was 16 shes 19 and lives in california(im in ireland) I never planned on liking her this much but things happened and now all I think about is us we’ve been in a relationship a while now and she says she will come and visit and hope she does we say “i love you” to eachother 3-5 times a day and I really do love her but if things dont work out (nearly all online relationships fail) then ill be alone and then I can finally end this life I […]
I’m leaving not for a few days im leaving forever i can’t handle this obviously i was a mistake if i can’t feel happiness by the time you have read this im dead no takebacks i know but life would be so much easier without me bye world if your my friend and your reading this please don’t get upset don’t waste your tears over someone like me personally i don’t want to die but it’s the only way for me to remain happy it’s like my life is frozen in this one dark spot that i can’t get out of im only 11 […]
I’m so tired of this life. I’ve never felt comfortable in any situation and I seemingly can’t make anything work. I never feel like a normal person, never have. Even if by some miracle things are good, I find a way to destroy it just by being my uncomfortable self. I’ve done this so many times that now I’m just too tired to try.
I haven’t worked in more time than I’d like to admit. I’m 35, will be 36 at the end of the month, and I still rely on someone else to support me because I just can’t bring myself to face another rejection. […]
there is no heaven.
no hell.
no God.
only Time, and a choice.
I made my choice a long time ago, and now time decides when I carry out that choice
As mentioned in my earlier post today, I have decided to end it all. If that’s not selfish enough, I don’t want to be alone when it happens. I want someone there to hold my hand as I lose consciousness and finally stop breathing and to remove my hood so that when I am discovered the trauma on whomever finds me will hopefully be reduced. Even if it isn’t possible to have someone there, I am still going to do it. This is just a thought….
http://suicideproject.org/wp-content/uploads/2014/04/Georgia_Mass_Choir_-_The_Best_of_My_Story.mp3
where can I go where there is nowhere to go to who can I talk to who isn’t already playing what can I do when they have everything laid out and planned for me already wtf can i get my shock now can I get my whatever the hell they gone give me now I don’t care anymore commit me, kill me, anything is better than submitting. I don’t believe andi don’t have to I lost enough of my soul and I don’t care who don’t believe me: who I am, what I am supposed to be idont care who believes me or not […]
http://suicideproject.org/wp-content/uploads/2014/04/J-MOSS-AFRAID.mp3
Do I have to?
I feel like I have to lose my soul
To make someone else whole
Because my life is not worth to live
Who will claim me?
Never
Who claims me?
The devil has touched my soul
Taken my soul
And unless I submit
I shall never be healed again
Born from a rape
Created in a laboratory
Who is enabled to tell me the truth
God knows
God sees all
Why won’t people help me?
I don’t understand
A sacrifice thru a ritual
All their souls bound to hell
God help us all
Psalms 41 to tell