For your poems.
I look at my hips, arm and belly. Seeing those red, fresh cuts is such a relief. The lovely pain, that beautiful bright red, those little blood drops, your sharp knife. That good feeling that isn’t possible to express in words. Just that feeling that isn’t repositionable…
be straight up I suppose…. My names Serena , I’m in 7th grade at Bemidji Middle School , I have a smile on my face most of the time(= , but everybody knows im ‘depressed’ , because …. I cut myself , a lot… my legs , my arms , my wrists , my stomach…. It make’s me feel better. I don’t know what else to do! , I ALWAYS get called a ; HOE , WHORE , **** , ***** , FAT , UGLY , WORTHLESS , ATTENTION WHORE , DUMB , BOYFRIEND STEALER , etc.. It sucks , a lot , I don’t […]
People always say: “Yeah, you have to go in therapy, search for help. Than it will get better.”
Right. But what if I don’t want to be helped?? What if I just want to take care of myself, that nobody could help me. What if I don’t believe therapy works, because I’m so many times betrayed through people. Because I’m so many times disappointed by therapists and other people.
What if I just don’t want to live anymore?? What if I feel like it’s the only option to get better. That it’s the only way out.
What if I just don’t want to get better?? […]
I feel like i have no tears left i have already cried them them all out of me nothing is left.
i have no emotions left but i can laugh and i can be sad but i feel like not even me can fake a smile anymore. U know that feeling when i have a fake smile and it’s starts to hurt cuz its fake but u don’t wanna look sad
every time i go to bed i think in my head ” i hope i don’t wake up again” i just wanna sleep through my life and keep sleeping no matter what
i hate the pain that […]
Anorexia.
Am I really fat?
Or is that just ED?
Body Image.
Am I really ugly?
Or is that just in my head?
Self Harm.
Cutting is always on my mind.
I know it’s bad, but I can’t stop.
Help.
I try to tell others to be strong.
Meanwhile, I’m breaking down.
Death.
I enjoy watching strangers being tortured.
I’m sick in the brain.
These are the reasons why I am insane.
Recovery.
Everyday is a struggle.
Must not turn back. I’m too strong now!
Red.
Red like blood.
The blood that caused the scars on my wrist.
Red.
Red like the peircing evil in the eyes if the monsters in my nightmares.
Firey red that pulses in their orbs, taunting, teasing.
Red.
Red like fury.
The madness and frustration I feel towards everything.
Red.
Gives pain to those that are weak and can come out stronger. Endure and take as a reminder that the earthly ties of anguish are still knitted, and no human can untie what was tied by a supreme being. only the spirit and hand of it who laid the blocks and keyholes to that castle has the right to stand and move in it.
I wake to the sound of sadness and betrayal from a thought far far above. Understanding is all I will never get, actions turn to regrets. I lay, in a room, the ceiling is a dark night sky hidden from shooting stars. […]
What do we live for? or should I ask WHY?
Some of us manage to achieve something in this so-called “World” like having sonS and daughterS, wife/husband or Family itself. Others of us manage to achieve money and many more material things. But one thing I do not understand, WHY do we exist? There is no sense for us to live, we just achieve some of the things I mentioned above then we just die.. like we never, ever existed.
I know some of you will say something like “We live to create other lifes” “You are selfish,this is the Balance of our World” “You’re crazy” […]
What
Ever
Happened
To
The
Days
Where
I
Used
To
Be
Happy.
Remember
Them?
(1)
what am i supposed to be? wolverine? what is this advanced healing and regeneration? and if my body is capable of such feats than why doesn’t my mind share this uncanny ability to heal itself? because i would certainly like to forget all this accumulating pain. if this book is about NDE’s (near death experience) you will hear them. i have several. and now with that tylenol overdose… which i remember very well… i couldn’t stand anymore. i could feel the pills exploding one by one in my chest. vomiting non stop for the occasion, i tried again to stand but knees crumpled instantly beneath […]
I want to know something …
Is it nice to have both your parents? Is it nice that you’ve never heard them yell or scream at each other? Is it nice that they support you no matter what?
Is it nice to live in that nice house? Is it nice to have lived in the same house you were born in? Is it nice to never have had to pack up and move and leave all your friends and memories behing because your parents couldnt afford your life there?
Is it nice to not worry about how you and your family is going to pay for your college […]
Broken glass.
It was mine.
My place.
The only place I felt a little bit safe.
But it’s broken now.
There’s laying glass all over the ground.
In pieces,
My safety in pieces,
Broken,
Taken down.
My protection.
But it’s broken,
It will never heal again.
Broken in pieces of glass.
All that I had is broken.
I try and try to fix it,
Try to build up my shell of glass.
But everytime I have a little part,
It’s taken down again.
Building up the only thing I had isn’t the option,
Because it only works reversed.
I need a thing that works […]
We are the future of us all
we are the generation who is destined to fall
we are the present’s invokable call
we can’t be heard through the last generations wall
we destroy ourselves without remorse
we set sail on an unchangeable course
our parents have made us who we are
they have locked us up behind concrete and bar
suicide and drugs seem our only escape
we all go out with chalk lines and yellow tape
all victims of depression and anger
some are popular some the more stranger
we all grow up whether we want to or not
because […]
I wrote this poem directly after a emotional conversation with my parents and the familytherapist. It was the first conversation and therapy with my parents and the therapist.
Like you have to hold your own mirror in front of you.
So you can see all those negativities.
You have to face them,
but you don’t want it because it only takes you down.
Makes you more depressed and more negative than before,
but it’s the only way to face it.
It’s the only way to get rid of those negativities.
But the fact you want to die more than you did before is the […]
mirror, mirror, my only friend
you listen, but no hand can you lend
you see me for the man i can be
but then i remember my only friend is me
it is lonely no matter the place
The people are the same no matter the base
I feel like a junker in a nascar race
like a clay pot next to a porcelain vase
so mirror mirror tell me something new
but you can’t which is why this pain will ensue
sure you’re always there by my side
but every time you smiled, you lied
time to face that my only friend isnt real
it has no emotions it can not feel
so ill see you every day […]
This is little tidbit of the story I’m writing called KEMA.
This is one of my favorite parts.
Amy shook her head and watched him walk away.
She collapsed in the centre of the circular room. Dead centre.
They left her alone with her thoughts. They never realized how dangerous that could be. Her mind wandered around her, cascading against the smooth walls.
The walls were white, like paper. Only one wall, really. Curling around her perfectly, with the exception of the crimson door in which the doctor had closed behind him.
She was forgotten within the arena.
“Arena?” She thought to herself. Why did she […]
I hide with you all in this world
through glass and paint
we reach
through glass and paint
the barriers confine us
these walls around us
surround us
define us
when hands out
you recoil
in this way you are like me
you wear masks like me and speak in whispers
like me
so quiet
speaking so softly
until it fades away
no
stand
looking up
jaw clenched
hands trembling
defiance burning
scream
the glass
Shatter
Lyrics to song I pretty much jus stayed up all night writing..
Oh and uh.. *All Rights Reserved*? haha.
* Rapped
When was the last time you breathed?
I mean honestly, fully, whole heartedly took a breath?
When was the last time you took a stand?
I mean verbally, viciously, fought for something you believed?
When was the last time you fell in love?
Fell so hard, you found yourself unwilling to even get up?
When was the last time you truly cared?
Thought about somebody else, not the person in the mirror
Self-centered, self-ish, but sophisicated
We pride ourselves in all the wars and the domination
But what’s the point in killing other beings created
Like ourselves? We’re just […]
My body tingles, my mind wanders and my spirits lift.
I think about it constantly.
I wonder how it will happen. when, it’ll happen…
It only makes me anxious… i want it so bad.
i cant get it out of my mind…
Then, a wave of sorrow washes over me.
completly distorting all good feeling.
im still here…
breathing, thinking, suffering…
i want to fucking die already!
i cant wait…no, i must!
we all have a time. it’s all destined.
i need someone in the meantime to make me happy. fuck me, love me, and hug me… thats all anyone can really do. cuz there […]
We stay alive because we know the pain we would cause those we love is much worse than the pain we are feeling inside.
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