For your poems.
I sit here all alone, by myself
Waiting, hoping, wishing someone will come along
Im putting my life up on the shelf
I dont want anymore and Im done
Life sucks so much and its not getting any better
I give up on everything, knowing I havent won
Theres so much life isnt worth living for
Pain, suffering, dissapointment
Oh and theres much more
Its all a big lie
There is no love, and no one cares
So I sit here waiting, hoping, wishing… to die
I feel caged up inside my everyday emotions
Hiding behind a mask
I can’t remain hidden.
I fool myself.
I make things happen
Fate decides my pain.
Maybe it’s for the better
Maybe it’s for the worse.
Who knows.
My mask is made of pure silver
It hides the crystal.
That hides beneath my eyes.
It is all about hiding.
I show no true colors.
I show no more feelings
I am dry as a desert.
Who am I fooling ?
Myself.
Who wants to believe it ?
Only me.
I make this complicated.
I’m even crying in my sleep.
Sweat pours from my body.
I fight the demon inside me.
I fight my every move.
Every decision I make.
It turns my life upside down.
Yet I make them […]
Im dying. Dying from lonliness. Dying from the pain that everyone has brought to me. Dying from knowing that N0B0DY wants me. Dying because I know that I will probably have zero friends my whole life. Dying from everything ive been through. Dying on the inside. Wont anybody save me?
-End
A violent surge: a messy statement
to the world: to yourself.
Why don’ t you push some further?
Blood all over the carpet- plates crashing down.
One more go, a little voice demands.
Just a bit more blood but then you will be done.
A tangled web of shame builds all around you,
Some more blood and you’ re lying on the floor.
You stare at the Demon, the culprit, sitting on your table.
‘ please just one more go’.
The knife stabs your body and the cornflakes float around you.
Another piece of chocolate- just too much.
The mirror-‘ oh my god i’ m getting fatter-
more blood- drowning in the flab.
A size 4 ‘ oh my […]
Now its over. This is the end. Everything that you have done to me has led to this. My wrist now bears a vertical cut along the vein from which there is no coming back from. A bloodied knife lays on the floor. Blood gushes from my wound. My vision gets blurry. I write on the wall with my blood the word, WHY? The only note I leave is to whoever finds my body. I tell them to let Her know what I did and that I will always love her. Time is running out. The moment that I have longed for is near. I […]
I don’t want my scars to go away.
I want a reminder, do when I’m older, I’ll remember what I’ve done,
And know that I got through it.
Ok so, I need some answers.
I need to know where to hide a blade (pencil sharpener blade, small)
I’ve been hiding it in my phone cover, but they slip out.. I’ve had multiple.
I also need it on me 24/7.
So any suggestions? Please tell me.
Gonna go see a movie with my dad, brother, & his girlfriend.
I don’t think I can stand through 2 insane hours of tv.
How odd.
Is it comforting memorising phases in your life?
mirroring lights in the eyes which mirror not the demon behind.
Thoughts that scare in all their flight and finality,
and take a life, to give another back again.
The rain pours nand still the burying sounds echo within.
Never to be able to come out, out of the shell surrounding.
Outside the wind blows forcefully
and the resonance is deep,
showing, revealing, the nightmare which implores in vain to be let loose,
and yet, fancy free some people walk and never tread such a milestone as this,
and how the demons destroy our existence, never deploying to set us free.
Voices constantly in the distance reaping and […]
Suicide maybe a painful deed,
travelling along a road of torture.
To heaven amongst the fields so gold-
or hell: a dream that depression leaves.
An expression of beauty- laid before the darkest dreams.
Beloved cease to amaze the lived
but open eyes and honest spirits- where the dead,
serene,belong in the hands of the gods.
Alas, a journey free begins,
where souls, liberated, are able to release emotions deep,
so cry my lass, at last the truth can be spoken,
amongst thy friends who sleep in peace.
And peace, a dream that is found so rare
becomes a symbol of everlasting sleep, a feeling that lies in the hands of the dead,
who once were hurt and at […]
Rogue Shadow… My dad made me believe in god for so many years. I only wanted to make him proud, then I got bullied and saw the truth, I ended up hating it so much. I tried my best to stop listening. I rebelled, and he beat me for it. He decided to take full force on me to get me to listen. Then, after a month, he broke. He gave up trying to make me something I didn’t want. He gave up on me in a way. Over these few days, I learned that there’s still a such thing as a conciounce and I […]
I tightened the knot I made with my belt, then added a scarf around it for a stronger hold.
Staring at those two small items hanging in my closet, I hesitated. Slowly I stuck my head between the hold I made that was slightly bigger than my skull.
Swinging back and fourth against my new carpet; I imagined my death.
I thought of who would find my blue corpse in the morning, the terrifying screams and wails for help. I swung back and fourth with my hands grasping my belt/scarf tightly.
I was so sure of my solution for my troubles. I knew what I needed to do, […]
This is another of the poems I have written while in the throes of depression- this is how I feel and is about Bipolar. I am sharing this poetry with you whilst I am still here- want to ctb so so much it’ s painful.
It’ s time to fire the gun and finally rest,
putting life and death to its ultimate test.
You can’ t stop the bullet once you’ ve said go,
with thoughts flying around it’ s too late to say no.
You’ ve taken my brain and filled it with confusion,
but being God you’ ve got the right to make the intrusion.
The Devil sits in the c0rner […]
A suicidal female’ s poetry
just something ive been thinking about. i want to love and be loved back. i want to have friends. i want to get married. i want a girlfriend. i want to not be lonely anymore. i know i will never have any of these things. so i made a new list. i want to finally get the courage to cut my wrists, the real way. i want to be alone forever. i want to walk aimlessly around in the pouring rain by myself as long as possible. i want to cry every day, whether its crying myself to sleep and waking up with tears still in […]
Fell to black and stitches blue
These scars all tell a story of you
I wanna cut so bad, I’m not sure why I’m telling you.. I have to tell someone, im gonna cut tonight, something happened.. I have to.
“I don’t have any dream left to dream” ~ “Dolly”, Island of Misfit Toys, Rudolph the Rednosed Reindeer
No Dreams Left to Dream