I’m 13 years old.
In and out of depression for two and a half years.
Screw it.
I’ve been in hospital for suicide too.
Therapy, DBT…. the works.
I don’t care anymore.
I. Am. DONE.
Time to die?
Yeah…
That sounds about right.
See ya.
Category:
Rants
So I sit here in a class
no one notices what I do
no one
I sit alone with no one by me
like I like to sit but how I hate to sit.
That empty feeling of being alone will always linger.
No matter what.
Even if I sit with my friend or my girlfriend.
I will feel alone.
It won’t go.
It’s madness that I can’t escape it.
I want to escape it more than anything but I can’t.
I just can’t hurt my girlfriend who is depressed on her own.
Every time I try to go she can’t take it.
I can’t stand hurting her.
I just don’t understand.
She would be better without me right?
I know it.
She’s […]
All I see is darkness, but I know there’s light somewhere.
I feel like I’m not in the game. The life game, I feel like I’ve stepped out and in to observational mode. But the thing is, I’m not sure what is so great about the game. I don’t ever get sex, I don’t get the cuddles or the mental connections. I don’t get mind blowing experiences or happy endings of any sort. I tell myself, everything that is  wrong with the world is there to make the good things better, and that I should accept it and learn from it.
But you see, I can’t do […]
I saw this once. Every day, write a letter to someone in or out of your life. I posted something last night about feeling empty, and how I felt like I didn’t have a soul, but maybe I can find some meaning like this? I don’t know. I have to try. Maybe it will keep me from feeling like I’ve got nothing.
After all, I keep trying to tell people that only you can define your life. Only you can fill it with meaning, because without your love and care and work, it is, essentially, meaningless. Maybe I’ll define my life by confronting the things that […]
Where to start. I have had depression and Anxiety now for three years. It got worse when i found out that i have anger problems and OCD. It was really hard to accept that fact that i was depressed and that’s when i started cutting. i stopped for awhile in 2011 but ever since then i have been cutting. It all started in 2010 when my grandma passed away and i got made fun of for it and said that i should have died instead of her. Having everyone against me and no one there for me hurt so much. I started to have panic […]
I was born with a loving, caring, and forgiving family. To most people, that’s a blessing. But to me, it only makes it harder for me to make them pleased, or even tolerant of anything. It only makes my life worse. I already hate me, so does everyone else, so my own family were like the only people who I could trust at all, and now they are like people I never even knew. It just sickens me to see what I have done to these great people, and what I can do to all those with a pure heart, unlike mine.
Of any of it? We go to school for the first 1/4 of our lives, study and spend thousands of dollars out our asses, only to (generally) end up in some job that doesn’t even relate to our degree – if we even end up getting them!
We work for the majority of what’s left of our lives, assuming we live to the expected age of 80 or so, and then we spend the remainder of our days whiling away our time waiting to die anyway…
why not skip out all the bullshit and go ahead with it? We already know how the ending turns out anyway. […]
It’s not sadness I feel. I don’t even feel anger, nor do I feel numb. I feel empty. I am devoid of a soul.
The Jews say a soul is what makes us special. It is what separates us from the lifeless tools we use. I feel like God forgot to put my soul in me when he made me, leaving me a tool to be used. I feel like the Golem when he no longer had a purpose.
I don’t often think about myself in the terms of Jewish faith. My father is Jewish, not I. It’s the only way I can describe it though. […]
It’s been six months since I last cut myself. I tried to abandon self-harming because my parents threatened me to kick out from the house. I succeed but I just wanna do it again. I feel like cutting myself could ease the pain away again. I’m so fed up with my life. Every time I bottle up my feelings or thoughts, I will be crazy and numb sometimes. I have no one to talk to. When I try, they (family &friends) just turn their backs away from me. They would even call me “attention-whore” although all I really want is to get help from someone (not […]
The sad times are when you look around you and everyone has a place.
Everyone, except you.
Even the people you consider friends would rather be alone than be with you.
The sad times are when you look around you and everyone is welcome.
Everyone, except you.
Even the people that invite you in their circle don’t want you to talk to them.
The worst times are when you look around you and you’re all alone.
No one, but you.
Even the people you once thought cared, didn’t give a shit about you.
You sit on the bathroom floor, tears pouring from your eyes.
Blades carve your […]
hey just an intro, Iam a girl and Iam 18. its been a while since ive talked to someone about all these feelings ive been getting lately. Iv been sad for such a long time now, its been years since I felt truly happy, and it really saddens me cuz I actually want to get better but I just cant, I hate this feeling of not knowing where I stand in life, I see all my friends go to college, get married, move on with their lives and I am over here crippled, not knowing what to do. The pain started off as emotional but […]
It’s not that I’m unattractive, I’m just embarrassed by my face; I hate moving my mouth in front of people; I hate when people look at me. I try to be social but I just creep people out, and that just puts me two steps backwards. My brain is slowing down. I can’t remember words or concepts I need to communicate with people. My brain has become so tired I struggle to remember correct sentence structure when speaking. I am thrust into all of these social activities because of my boyfriend and I constantly embarrass him. Sometimes he catches me staring at nothing and asks […]
It’s 3 in the morning, and I’m not doing anything except listening to music because everything else is so boring, so pointless.
The things that I used to enjoy becomes so mundane.
I’m so scared taking of my headphones and go to sleep.
I’m afraid the silence will be deafening.
Im writing here because I really don’t know where else to turn. There’s people around me that I want to reach out to, but the thought of doing that seems worse than dying…when I was a kid I was around a lot of things that disturbed and distraught me, so in order to cope I turned something off inside of me so I wouldn’t care and these things wouldn’t bother me anymore. And they beer did again, but it came at a great price. I’ve lost passion or interest for anything, and I’ve lost the ability to trust and communicate with others on a genuine […]
But I wish my life would be done already. It’s something I just want to get over with. Â Like getting a root canal or something.
I love both my kids very much. Â They mean more to me than anything.
I have 2 kids one age 22, & one 15. Â The 22 year old is miserable all the time & blames me for everything bad in his life. Â He’s suffered from mental illness for many years, & I’ve done my best to get him help. He is extremely mean to me & his sister, but I still try to be patient with him. Â I only want him to […]
I am so fucking done with the world. It seems like I can’t do anything. I sing, well at least I try to, and every single time my family puts me down any buries my dreams in HELL. I Â write, and somebody either says “It’s Stupid” “It sounds like plagiarism” “Are you sure you aren’t copying?” “Im pretty sure thats already a book” or criticizes it. And I get the WORST writers block, and most of my stories remained unfinished, sitting in the hard drive of my computer. The one that I did finish is awful, and I’ve thrown that one in trash mountain. People […]
I feel hurt, angry, a little frightened. One of my best male friends moved in with me and a few other people back in the fall, and we’ve been close. Though, I’ve gotten noticeably more depressed. I didn’t figure out why until today. For our entire friendship, my friend has been trying to get romantically involved with me, regardless of whether I’m with someone or not. Because I’m too stupid and trusting, I had no idea. He’s aware of the fact that I’ve been in a few physically, mentally, and emotionally abusive relationships, and has apparently been using manipulative tactics on me. I didn’t realize […]
I feel like I’m losing you but you’re not even mine.
You’re going far away from me and I can’t reach you. Not even a little.
You’re the sun. And I’m the moon. 
When you’re up I’m down.
And it feels like dying. It feels like hell. 
I guess, I need to let you go away.
Who remembers ever talking to “lmarc“??
My dad says I’m a waste of sperm.
My mom says I’m a *****.
My sister says I’m a Satan worshiper.
I hate everything.
I can’t do this, anymore.
I just want to cut until there sin’t anymore blood left in me, and they can’t save me.
It’s not like it would really matter anyway.
I’m not that important, just some teenage girl with a fucked up mind.
The only people, I’d miss is, my bestest friend, and my girlfriend.
I just, i can’t.
I’ve promised so many people, that I’d stop, but I can’t, and I won’t.