Love For Survival

So I sit here in a class

no one notices what I do

no one

I sit alone with no one by me

like I like to sit but how I hate to sit.

 

That empty feeling of being alone will always linger.

 

 

No matter what.

 

 

Even if I sit with my friend or my girlfriend.

 

 

I will feel alone.

 

 

 

 

It won’t go.

It’s madness that I can’t escape it.

 

I want to escape it more than anything but I can’t.

 

I just can’t hurt my girlfriend who is depressed on her own.

 

 

Every time I try to go she can’t take it.

I can’t stand hurting her.

 

I just don’t understand.

 

 

She would be better without me right?

 

I know it.

 

She’s a beautiful amazing sweet girl and she deserves better.

So much better.

But she won’t let me go with out her going too.

 

And I can’t live without her.

 

 

I’m engaged to her already.

 

 

I just have a lump in my throat when she has an attack.

 

I go wild.

But I can’t ever leave her.

I love her.

 

 

I’m so confused.

 

 

 

 

 

She’s the best person I’ve ever dated…

 

 

 

I can’t let go and she can’t let go.

 

 

But I want to let go on life…

 

 

 

 

If I do, she’ll let go too.

 

 

 

I don’t want her to do that.

She needs life.

She’s amazing and better than anything ever.

 

 

 

But me?

 

 

 

I’m just a person who means nothing.

 

 

 

 

 

nothing.

 

 

 

 

 

 

not a single thing.

so what I’m getting at here is, I want to die.

But basically if I die, she dies.

I don’t want her to die.

 

 

 

That’s why I’m still alive to be honest.