i found this site about a year ago and wrote about how my life was fucked up and whatever. never did come back to see what anyone had to say since my shit supposedly started to get better. but now here I am a year later and i look at what i was freaking out about last year and god I wish my life was there now. not even 2 weeks after writing that I ended up getting pregnant again. my fiance and I were fixing things i guess and after waiting 2 weeks I told him i was pregnant and that i would be […]
Yes I know agony, but surely guaranteed using very high voltage and right conductor. I could stand pain if I know it means the end. Fishing line? I looked up on internet but not 100% (what is?) But then their MUST surely be a voltage high enough wearing the right materials/touching with metal or whatever. I badly need out.  Any ELECTRICIANS out there/anybody with knowledge on actual cases of it happenning. I know there are accidents. But surely those electric pylons carrying telephone wires will do it? Or an electrified rail. Power sources a problem. Yep, practicality is going to be hard to actually get to the […]
It’s been over a year since I last posted something here. I would like to thank all those who commented and gave me advice and words of encouragement, though I seldom replied I did read every comment. Thank you.
This will be my last post.
I’m not killing myself, nor do I have any intention of doing so, not anymore, or anytime soon. I’m in a better place than I was a year ago, I’m no longer on any medication, though I’m not completely recovered. I don’t think someone like me, or anyone here for that matter, can feel the kind of sadness and hopelessness that we […]
I drank the last sip of wine, and set the bottle down. My medicine was failing me, my loved ones had failed me, and lastly, I had failed myself. Tonight was the night, I told myself. I had no desire to stick around any longer. I had only caused myself misery, and made everyone else’s lives complete shit. I was a heavy weight on everyone’s shoulders, a boulder, weighing down until I was dropped so suddenly to the ground. I looked at the fireplace and closed my eyes. I could hear yelling and screaming inside my head, visions of violence played out over and over […]
I have no feelings anymore. It’s like they all just went away. I catch myself acting the way people think i should react. I get mad here and there, but that pretty much it. Life sucks.Â
I hide behind a smile, a fake self if you will. This self is the one I use when at school around friends who don’t know my secret and around family who will judge if they knew. This self has a smile, a retched smile that sickens me even to look. This smile makes me seem as if I’m fine, that nothing troubles me. However the smile may fade and my true self has shown, just a bit at least then I fear..I fear those who don’t know has seen my darkened colors then the smile appears again as something ‘funny’ happens and I realize […]
IÂ notice other people talking shit about me, but I always laugh
IÂ realize other people lying at me, but I always laugh
IÂ hear other people telling me that they don’t like me anymore, but I still always laugh
I starve myself because I’m not thin enough, but I always laugh
I put my eye- Makeup on because I’m not pretty enough, but I always laugh
I cut myself because I don’t feel enough, but I still always laugh
I’m writing you letters that no one will ever read, but I always laugh
You were my first real love and you will stay my last, but I always laugh
You said that you want to Forget […]
Chris.  My email is cdgibson875 at  gmail…
If anyone needs someone to talk to, anyone at all… Â I want to help.
Here I am; haven’t been able to catch sleep all night and into the early hours of the morn. I lay in my bed staring into the dark, holding myself back from taking all this pain away. My boyfriend and parents are asleep, so I need not bother them with my emotions as of now… but I need an outlet, so, I bring you all (who are willing to listen) a (rather long) story.
Why am I really writing this, besides as an outlet? Well… let’s just say this is the reasoning behind why I will never, ever end my life (I hope). I hope some will […]
I just wanna say that this website has helped me stay around this long and was a great place to let myself out. That being said, it seemed fitting that my last post be my suicide note. So here it is. Goodbye.
To Whom It May Concern…
If you are reading this than I am dead. This may come as a shock to most who know me. If you want to know why, it’s basically because I hate myself. I’ve actually vomited because I hate myself so much. I loathe myself. I’m tired of being mediocore. I’m tired of being a failure to everyone around me. […]
I’ve been told I am a failure for a good portion of my life. I feel that it is true as I hit rock bottom.
Yes, my problems don’t come close to those who live on the streets or can’t eat on a daily basis yet does that compromise the fact that I am living in a hell of an environment.
I don’t deserve to live.
Every attempt I have made towards bettering myself and those around me have been pointless.
I am met with constant setbacks and hurdles, yet I know that life is not easy.
Well if life is that difficult why continue living it? Why continue living […]
So last week, I’ve been cutting free, didn’t cut for a week (meanwhile I did relapsed several times since tuesday). It wasn’t my intention to stop cutting or so, but it just happened. I just didn’t cut for a week, because I didn’t had the energy for it. I was so depressed, I ate almost nothing, slept a lot, but I was really tired, and I felt so miserable, that I was too depressed to pick up that blade and go cut myself. So I didn’t for a week. Although I didn’t cut, I did scrathed myself (which looks horrible now) and I starved myself. […]
I know it’s not about making other people happy. I know you have to try to make yourself happy, but maybe that’s the only way you are. I guess I don’t really know. I’m happy when my friends are happy, I’m sad when they are sad. I’ve never really had a connection to the people I’ve loved. And when I do, it’s hard for me to let them go.
The best thing I can do for them, is to let them go. I’m gone. bye_bye…
Is to die for someone else.
I considered writing up some detailed small novel of my story, but it doesn’t matter. What matters is that I’m sad, just like everyone else. I’m broken, but not because something broke me, more like I never functioned properly to begin with. I can’t play “the game” like everyone else can, I always lose. So it was and so it shall be, I’ve lost every hand I played up to this point and I can expect to continue to lose or fold every new one for as long as I breathe.
I wish I could die for someone else. Can you […]
“If we refuse assent to reality: if we rebel against the nature of things and choose to think that what we at the moment want is the centre of the universe to which everything else ought to accommodate itself, the first effect on us will be that the whole universe will seem to be filled with an inexplicable hostility. We shall begin to feel that everything has a down on us, and that, being so badly treated, we have a just grievance against things in general. That is the knowledge of good and evil and the fall into illusion. If we cherish and fondle that […]
So i have devised a couple of plans, but never gone through with them. However this one occasion I did it on the spur of the moment. I had already got the worst possible results I could have imagined and as soon as I told my dad who had spent a fair amount on my education I knew how disappointed he was. He took me to the army office and decided that I should enroll. I still tried to keep myself together even though I could feel myself crumbling inside already having broken down once in front of my tutor that day. I couldn’t figure […]
you are put in situations which absolutely mess with your mind and there’s nothing you can do. even though friends and family try and say all these things like its just a setback or do some exercise or move on etc etc.. the clichés…
I do feel that these things apply to people who are just temporarily sad or have hope. people who are beyond that point and want the sweet release of death are not motivated by this sort of stuff.. I truly feel that people don’t get it and they don’t understand. it is easy to comment from outside of the looking glass. I […]
for whatever reason your attempt was thwarted..do/did you feel at any point that being saved was the worst thing that could have happened to you? death was the sweeter proposition than life? I seriously feel that death is bad-named for no reason, it is life that causes the problems
I can’t sleep, I just breathe, I am afraid of nights, That’s when they come around, I don’t want them in, I want them to leave, and it hurts like hell, it hurts like hell…
In my opinion, suicide, is NOT selfish. It is something someone does when they no longer can take it.
All the :
Be happy
Get counselor help
Start working out/new diet
Change yourself
IS ALL BULLSHIT. To some people it doesn’t help.
Have had 4 or 5 counselors. My first one at the of…8? Now I am 20 years old.
I didn’t finish high school. Moved away from my parents when I turned 18 to a different country. Became homeless on and off..for over a year. Slept with men for money/food/place to stay. Found a shitty job in the end. 9 months later I just provide to myself that I can’t be […]