Therapists know what’s the best for you and what you need, at least that’s what the therapists think. But I can tell you, they don’t know what’s the best. I have a therapy now, and it drives me crazy, and it also makes me feel even more depressed. I want to stop that therapy, said that to my therapist and explained to her why. Only she thinks it’s better to move on with the therapy, because she thinks it can help me. But it’s a therapy with the whole family, how to communicate, and say thinks to each other and stuff. It’s just not going […]
Category:
Rants
I have this weird urge to randomly smashing my head at random place and time
I am thankful for my misery when it is consistent, because I already do not feel I deserve what I have, and can only see my life getting worse.
okay um, i need a fucking knife, i give up on this dehydration thing. it is taking so long and i keep accidently drinking with my meds and then i go to purge the water and urgh im just tired of life. i want to stab my boyfriend but i cant cause he is grounded because he went clubbing with a girl who is hard core crushing on him, she is bombing his ask, and why cant he see how much he is hurting me. i wish i could just tell him that i hadnt selfharmed in almost 2 months before we started dating, and […]
I havent posted for a while and i thought i should start again. so I broke up with my boyfriend and I started self harming again. I stopped eating and cried a lot. One of my mates who I loved asked me out 3 weeks later. That was about a week ago. But I feel like I still have feelings for my ex which is hard because I really badly love my new bf. The stress and emotions are starting to take over me physically and mentally. During this week alone I have punched 2 students, threatened a teacher, punched the walls of the […]
Sometimes I think reality is a dream. A bad dream. Even though this is really vivid & I can feel every little thing, I think, maybe if it all ended, I’ll wake up in a better life. I’m just in some coma, living another life in my dream. That’s what I tell myself. Reality is the most scary thingeverybody has to face. Judgement is literally a thing. Every day, I make my “painting” better by adding more lines to it, hoping I’ll wake up. The more I paint, the more I wanna be a heartless person or just end this pain. I think the sabotage […]
She means well. I know she does. But, it’s my family. I can take care of them, my way. I don’t need her so called “help.” Really, every thing is going just fine the way I am doing it. Why does she have to be all condescending and know-it-all under the pretense of “I’m just trying to help.” Did I ask for help? No. Do I need her help? No. She thinks I do. And in my mind, that is the same as stating for all to see that I’m a failure because I am not doing it the way she thinks I should.
Who is […]
I am in my last year of highschool and I have never been so alone and afraid in my entire life. During exams last year I went to a party and did something stupid that caused a bunch of girls to say hurtful things to me and it just pushed me over my limit. I’ve dealth with their cattiness for the past 2 years and I was done with it. I called my mom to pick me up and she couldn’t even tell I was breaking down. It wasn’t her fault because I am good at pretending I am okay. When we got home she […]
I keep thinking what am I suppose to do? What is the purpose of all of this? Where do I come from? What should I do? Am I just another insignificant entity? Is it true that this universe where made from nothing? If it true, then all of this is for nothing too? So everything in here is because an accident? Because there is a coincidence that my great great great great great great great great (go on) grand parents met so I’m here? Without a purpose? Without a goal? I’m just here (POOF) and then die eventually because that’s it, I can’t fail because […]
I never thought I would consider suicide as an option. If I’m online trying to find reasons not to kill myself, it gives me hope that maybe I don’t really want to die. That sounds weak. I’ve been accused of being weak, and it was spewed at me in a not nice way. I finished reading the last book of a trilogy that was going to become my favorite books of all time. At the end, the lead character dies. It didn’t make sense to me. It still doesn’t. I’m still trying to get it through my head, to process what happened at the end […]
The voices I hear
The things I see that aren’t real
The constant fear of life
The persistent want to die
The ugliness I see in the mirror
The fat I see all over my body
The hands I remember all over me
The nightmares I cannot run from
The family that hurt me and hate me
The people who hurt me when I was young
The people I can’t get out of my life
The little blemishes on the wall
The constant need for perfection in my safe place that I cannot reach
The step father who hates and hurts me
The mother who […]
To say no one cares about me would be a lie. I know I am loved. I know that if I pulled something off that I would hurt a lot of people. I have many friends. I am in a leadership position in the military (not stating what branch). Yet I still constantly think about ending my own life. The thoughts probably come every 5 days or so. I just feel as if theres nothing for me or like I’m going nowhere. But this isnt something that just came about. It has been something led into.
When I was about 10, I became the victim of […]
i laughed during a moment of silence in school for rememberance day. then my boyfriend started laughing and we got in a ton of trouble. one teacher spoke to me about how disrespectful and disgusting my act was, i spoke to him about how disrespectful and disgusting it was that he cheats on his wife daily, he did not appreciate that “act” either.
a girl i know who started dating my last boyfriend whilst we were still dating, has begun flirting with my current boyfriend. i feel like she is trying to make me kill myself. she is like going on his ask and sending him kissy faces and she stole his jacket, and urgh. she knows all the shit that i go through and she knows i self harm, and she continues to make my life hell. urgh and i feel like a nasty jealous girlfriend, and i trust him kind of but i dont know im just so pissed of, good thing im going to die […]
I really need some help if any of you could help it will be great. I just called a place to get help but guess what? Something is wrong with their phone and so the woman can’t hear me talking! It’s a toll-free number for disabled adults and the lady says “Hello?” TWO TIMES – and then hangs up the phone! She gives you TWO “Hello?”s and hangs up the phone! What if I was hurt or having to wait to speak because the person abusing me was nearby? I guess she doesn’t care, she can’t wait or check if something is wrong with her […]
Self-diagnosis is stupid, but: I think I have avoidant personality disorder. I have all of the symptoms, which began to develop at age 11 or so…
I am one of the strangest, most pathetic people I know.
Sometimes I wonder what it would feel like to not exist. Yes, of course I catch myself in the logic of it but haven’t you ever had a fantasy. Sometimes the soreness of my body annoys me just to the point of wishing I didn’t have it. but just being disembodied would be annoying too, just observing never able to interact. That’s when i wish i’d never been born, never been created, never been given a thought in the mind of God. Sometimes I just sit there, not even zoned out, just not even aware of the waking world to which I am pressed into […]
I’m nervous and I need some advice..
I decided that I should talk to my school counseling and I don’t know how it will go or what should I say..
Should I let everything out and tell them the truth? How I really feel and how much I don’t want to be alive!
I’m an 18 year old male adult. I had a great child hood, was well off, had loving parents and family.Fast forward to today and our lucrative family business was destroyed by my uncle by over spending and not paying taxes. So we have like no money now and we have to sell our house. Now that I graduated High School I went to community college which dropped out of because I couldn’t do it. It’s not that I’m stupid it’s just that I’m not disciplined enough to study and read. Like I made an A+ in an English essay, but it fucking took forever […]
I see them. The little shadows that crawl around the corner. I see the weird shapes in windows. I see it all. Maybe they are here to keep me company. Maybe they are here to help me. Maybe they are here because they know what it’s like to feel alone when people are all around. They must understand what feeling empty is like. Maybe. Maybe I’m not alone. Or maybe I am. I don’t even know. I keep thinking I want someone, because “It will make it all better” ,but that doesn’t seem to be true. It is just don’t believe that people could actually […]