My name is Kerli. I am 29 year old woman. I lost a close relative who was my best friend. She died at the age of 7. I miss her so much. I remember the day i found out she was dead. I could not cry. I was so shocked. I thought about everything and I realized that it was very odd that she had died. I looked at myself and could not imagine I would die young. It just FELT that I would not die young. Then I figured there was something wrong with her that drove her fate to be dead at 7. […]
The last words he ever said, were said to me;Â his little princess, I had been.
I know it has been years but all the pain is still here
and all I bottled up keeps flowing out in never-ending tears.
I’ve used a blade and I’ve used pills but I’m filled with all this fear.
So I keep on breathing, dead and alive at the same time.
All I want is to make it stop, not my life but the feelings
Erase the scars and form real smiles
Because I really do want to stay here for a while.
Ever since I was born life has never been easy for me.  My mother suffers from a mental Illness, my father was abusive and my uncles where thieves and drug dealers. I can’t remember back to when I was young, but I still have a few very vivid memories. When I was two one of my brothers and one of my sisters passed away. When I was three my mother and father split up.  My sister and 2 brothers and I got put into foster care only a year later. We moved on to abusive carers who beat us and punished us harshly. I remember being […]
i Never Thought i Would Ever Think of Suicide or Self Harm, But When i Finally figured out i Was All By myself in a world full of non Understanding People, i Was left with Self harm, Daily. At First no i Didnt want to Kill myself it was just a stress release, i Was Only 13, My Mom was Never Around, && i Was Diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder, & Put on Meds For that.
i Didnt Want to Kill Myself until the Day i Went And Asked my Dad for help, i Felt worse that day, && i wasnt Just going to cutt, of corse he didnt believe me. […]
Struggling to keep my happiness going. Not the lollipops and confetti, I mean the ignorant smile. I don’t fit in. My little dumb switch is non-existent. I’ve been searching for work still. I don’t qualify. I’m unable to lift safely, I don’t want to be an ass sitter on’r, and I don’t seem to work well with helping people with their customer service related probs in a day to day manner.
That farm. I found land in a land magazine up north that coats 12,000 dollars or so for 19acres of land. My mom said the land is too much. She’s right. But I want […]
i am 12 years old. its young to be thinking of this but i cant take it anymore. a month ago, i hadn’t turned in my homework 7 times for summer school and when my mom talked to my teacher about it, my teacher said. “when you go back home, dont yell at her.” she said. “okay” to me it was an obvious lie filled with hate. right when i got into the car she ripped off my favorite necklace (my mistake to wear it that day) and she ripped out my hair tie, pulling bundles of hair with it. then she slapped me 12 […]
“If you know someone who’s depressed, please resolve never to ask them why. Depression isn’t a straightforward response to a bad situation; depression just is, like the weather.
Try to understand the blackness, lethargy, hopelessness, and loneliness they’re going through. Be there for them when they come through the other side. It’s hard to be a friend to someone who’s depressed, but it is one of the kindest, noblest, and best things you will ever do.â€
– Stephen Fry
i come from a very strict, restrictive, conservative background. i had suicide on my mind from a young age. i wrote a suicide note at 7. i tried to run away at 10. each time i chickened out. i didn’t go to school by myself till i was 18. i have never gone to a birthday party, a sleep over. my parents didnt want me to. they controlled how much food i ate. made me do chores. i spent christmas studying. my weekends were lucrative times for private tutors. i was so depressed. got fat. gained 60 pounds went from a respectable 120 pounds to […]
Life was hard growing up. When I was a child I was surrounded by drugs, nasty men, abuse, rape etc.
My mom was not like the moms you see on TV, she had supported my brother and I by stripping, she also sold and was addicted to drugs. She was clinically diagnosed as being bipolar, and schizophrenic.. She always put drugs above me and my brother. most of the time my Nana would take care of me but only when she wasn’t working. My mom, the main person who was supposed to be my protector let numerous men in and out of our lives. The last […]
My feelings about suicide after a beloved family member took their own life in 2012.
Happier Times
December 16, 2008 – Tuesday […]
I thought I was nothing once…
It seemed I was a small, insignificant part of the world, and when I died everything would keep moving forward as if I didn’t ever existed in the first place. My hopelessness… my struggles… they were all too much for me. I was ready to die, not knowing what was on the other side, but hoping it was better than the hell I was living.
I was two years old when my parents divorced. I was the daughter of a 24 year old Sunday School Teacher and a beautiful 18 year old High School Graduate, but others in our community […]
My whole life has been one traumatic event after another. Most of my young childhood memories are of my mother beating on my older brother and sister. When my older sister got married and moved out of the house my mother then turned her aggression towards me. It wasnt so bad as long as i stayed out of her sight. So that is what i did. We moved to texas when I was 12. The first couple of months mother was oddly pleasant. It felt like things may be getting better. Guess again! It was just the calm before the storm. Mother on top of […]
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