Help ? I hate feeling like this</3

Ever since I was born life has never been easy for me.  My mother suffers from a mental Illness, my father was abusive and my uncles where thieves and drug dealers. I can’t remember back to when I was young, but I still have a few very vivid memories. When I was two one of my brothers and one of my sisters passed away. When I was three my mother and father split up.  My sister and 2 brothers and I got put into foster care only a year later. We moved on to abusive carers who beat us and punished us harshly. I remember being locked out in the rain when I was seven. And locked in rooms many times. We moved to a better home after four years. I’m still currently living in this house at the age of thirteen. I’ve been here four years too. I’ve always been happy. Always looked on the bright side. But a few months ago all the negatives  started to stick out. This house isn’t as bad as before but the carers can be very selfish. I know I sound ungrateful but that’s how I honestly  feel. School: I’m quite popular to be honest, and I have good friends. You see I have this cousin from my mothers side who I’m really close with. She’s the same age as me. But I always feel… like I’m a lower status than her. I’m even scared to wear the clothes I want to, because I think that she’ll think its not nice. Don’t get me wrong, she’s really nice, its just she’s so pretty and everyone seems to like her more, if she’s upset, EVERYONE asks her what’s wrong and they phone her to check. Me= no one even looks twice.  She makes me feel welcome enough, but her friends are really mean to me. They do drugs and smoke and stuff and their considered beautiful. Why can’t anyone even look at the good girls anymore? I get hurt more and I try my best not to hurt any. And I don’t want to turn to weed when things get tough. Please help me. I want a future, but all I can think now is death is the only solution. I don’t WANT to feel like this.