For those who have passed on.
Visions I’ve been dreaming are coming down. They’re changing my future.
Visions I had buried underground. Returning to abuse us.
Category:
Stories of Loss
There’s blood on my hands, and the killers not my enemy. It’s all for the sake of love, it’s all for you.
so far im my life i have screw things up!
relationships
friends
parents
family
to them. im just a piece of shit.
i have thought about my suicide again. it stopped but has came back in every way to hurt me.
i thought suicide was just a phase for me of what i was going through when my dad treated me like shit.
now it has came back. and i screwed up again. one of the most important thing to me. the happiest thing i have ever felt. but i screwed it up. and now all i can do is cry and feel like. nothing.
Seriously, where are you at? Reply! Let me know people can actually care about each other unconditionally.
ok i typed a book here a bit ago, but apparently it was in the wrong place. Â figures.. Â ok breifly now then here is my story so yall can tell me i have so much to live for.
have never completed any thing. Â highschool i got my ged, army i took medical discharge, college went for 1 semester got screwed by student loans and now 7 years later i still owe 3x the original ammountand my tax returns for the last 5 years have been taken to go towards paying them. Â the longest ive ever had the same job is 1year. Â ive been homeless3-9 months out […]
I have no bonds with people. I’ve been abused and alienated. Deep depression, constant migraines, always tired, can’t concentrate or think straight, memory issues. I’m chronically stressed. People are just rude and hateful and judgmental and prejudice. I’m in a town with very little opportunity literally just a dozen different places to work, with no transportation. I’m living in poverty which means basic needs go unmet. It sucks everyday is a struggle. Nobody to help me out, don’t qualify for state benefits.
Out of respect, names will be changed for privacy.
yesterday was a horrible day. My mother was the first person (who knew Tom well), to discover Tom’s dead body in his hotel room. My mother and Lisa, a friend of moms who barely knew Tom apart from the occasional light teasing they shared back and forth, searched the city for him after no one had heard from him for a week. The search lead to a small area in a bad neighborhood by two restaurants and a cheap hotel, a waitress at a restaurant he used to frequent took mother to the hotel manager and got […]
I don’t know why she won’t let me leave, the schooling that I’ve had hasn’t taught me to write. I will never be able to talk again, either. Sometime ago, right before we moved out to wherever the hell we are, I had managed to escape the place we lived and ran. I never made it far. Maybe two blocks down, she grabbed me (this is about 3 am) dragged me back to the house and tied me down. Then, she continued to drug me and said ” This is gonna hurt but try not to get blood on my shirt would ya?” She took […]
I may not be suicidal but i do get depressed because of my lack of motivation and my fear of the future and this is what i like to listen to. So i made a playlist with some music that is nice to the ear and yes i know its hip hop but these songs are not the normal type you see its deep and all about the soft beats and the lyrics. Its poetry with beats. I feel like theres alot of rock and i wanted to put in something diffrent. Do me a favor and atleast listen to The Book  Of soul. Thanks people […]
I’ve been waiting to buy my own bottle to end my life with and im terrified. As though I can’t possibly do it, but im going to make myself. I like life, I cant stand myself and all the things I don’t know.. Im not very excited, just sad. am I crazy to feel I dont want to do this but its for the best? fuck, whats crazy anyway, I know this is for the best. why am I so afraid.. I dont want to do it myself.. it astounds me everyday that I live alongside humans that can build skyscrapers, entertain millions with their […]
I graduated from college and have a Bachelors of Science. I thought more doors would be opened for me but now ten month since graduation… this does not seem so.
I held a position in manufacturing 6 months after graduate just to make some money but did not take long for me to feel dissatisfied, unaccomplished, and severely depressed. I woke each morning feeling unmotivated, miserably, and wondering why I cannot launch my career. I had no problem quitting the job. The job put me to sleep (literally), the pay sucked, the hours was pitiful, no one appreciate the volunteered overtime and… most importantly, I want to dedicate […]
I’m not sure what I really expect anymore.
A couple months back, September to be specific, I found myself in a hole. You know it, the black abyss that you stare at day in and day out. The one that never seems to end. I had been looking into, getting lost in the darkness for too long. Years have past since I can actually remember being happy for a full 24hrs. It seems so surreal to even imagine I used to have fun.
Anyways, I tried to take my life. I really tried… pills, alcohol, the whole deal. Fortunately or unfortunately ( I haven’t decided […]
So there’s this girl, she always felt lost and alone in this big world. It seemed like nothing would ever go right. She doesn’t know who her dad is and her mom only cared about the next guy in line to be with. She seen her mom go thru hell and back. She helped her mom thru all her drug addictions but it seemed like no matter what she did she could never get her mother’s love. When she was young her mom dropped her off at her ex husbands house cause she couldn’t take care of her and she thought it was the best […]
our life is together
our life has been forever
our time is never
never ending
places to go, things to do
words to speak
songs to sing
tears to cry
i tried so hard to make you proud of me
all i want is your love
im so alone
and so sad without you
am i dying?
i need you
i need my family
i just want to be happy
There’s a story of a little girl. She was kind and beautiful. And, happy. At least, she used to be. That was until middle school got to her. I remember the way her eyes lit up every single day. I remember how she spoke. Just one smile brightened everyone’s morning. She was fun. She was adventurous. She was confident.
There’s a story of a little girl. Who went home from school excited for tomorrow. She always did her homework the first chance she got. She was […]
what i just found out.. last night that ..
well like almost a month ago i got rapped.. by my used to be step dad. and then my neightbor was talking to my mom about it last night .
that he could have killed me..
if he didnt want anyone to find out about it.. it breaks my heart. for my mo to live in so much pain alone.. she still cant handle me getting rapped and then if he killed me ?.. my mom will be just left here alone. with no one helping her and her having nothing to do any more. my […]
I’m sorry if I mislead you, lead you on or gave any signals I didn’t mean to send. Truth is, I’m in love with someone who sure as hell isn’t you. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you before… I’m a lesbo freak. I’m in love and it kills me everyday because I know I can never have her. I feel z lot of shit, pity for myself and empathy for you. I’m sorry I can’t ever love you, and I know what it’s like now, to have love thrown back in your face. I’m sorry I can’t be who I wish I could be… if […]
I´m 16,diagnosed with major depression,been depressed and suicidal for over a year now,I recently got out of a mental hospital,I was put there for suicide risk,it was one hell for me,I hated every single second I spent there,I were there for a little over 3 months,every second of it I spent faking my smile and telling lies about my mood and suicide thoughts, just to get out of there,it was really hard for me,I never want to go there anymore. So now that i´m finally out of the mental hospital,I have to keep this fake smile on my face constantly and act like everything is […]
I honestly feel like giving up, I dont know what to do with my life anymore. Yes I know I’m 12 years old I should just be happy. I’ve been suffering depression since I was 9. I started self harming when I was nine. It started of really small. It soon got worse and worse. Scars cover my body. Â I cant go a day without thinking of suicide. I’m bullied everyday my parents currently split up my 3 baby sister died. I’m cyberbullied, I used to be abused. I soon learnt to keep to myself I told ONE person about my past abuse everyone soon […]
VVVVVVV (that IS the sound a vibrating phone makes)
It was 2:30AM when I awoke to the vibrating sounds of my phone. It was Elly. She was hysterical – crying and beyond the definition of upset. She told me to come to the pedestrian bridge immediately. I didn’t ask any questions but I had a bad notion of what was going on. When I arrived to the waterfront I was greeted by an endless crisscrossing of yellow tape, countless flashing lights, police, firetrucks, and an ambulance. There were even police boats stationed on the river. Elly and other friends of ours were talking to the authorities. […]