History reapeats as the darkness comes flooding back into my life. I bleed black, for the monster is me. Symbiotic with a world slowly dying, I am everything and nothing. Money makes the man, but nothing gold can stay.

Be strong and be the best person you can be. No one can ask any more of you. It’s alot easier to place blame than it is to forgive. Learning to forgive others is what takes true strength. Also, and most important of all, learn to be able to forgive yourself. Im such a preachy douche, lol.

The years between my graduation from college and meeting you were filled with depression and loss; I was in an existential crisis; I was a tortured soul. I became an abuser of alcohol. But, that abuse went unnoticed because I lived in a college town where binge drinking was the norm. I worked a job where my co-workers partied hard. We had so many parties where I drank to the point of blacking out on too many occasions to count. I suppose the drinking was a way to cope with my distress. I can remember many occasions where I would be driving or doing any […]

Have you ever had the feeling that you’ve been putting something off for so long that the moment you remember, you feel like you have to do it RIGHT NOW before it’s too late? Before the feeling passes and you’re left indifferent once again, you have to do something. Put it in motion. Write it in your calendar.

Well, that’s how I feel about suicide. And that’s why I guess the feeling is so intense when it comes across. Do it or face the consequences. It doesn’t matter if yesterday I felt like all my problems could be solved. It doesn’t matter if I felt like […]

Life is empty & meaningless, without any/no purpose, Life is boring, empty! There is no meaning of life! fuck life, fuck reality !

The more I grow up & learn after all these 32 years of my life, sadly, the more I feel hopeless especially for humanity / our humans species!
MAJORITY of people / humans beings / humanity are so damn shallow, superficial, vain, ignorant, stupid, fake, dirty, liars, etc etc.
I used to have so much HOPE for humanity , but now the hope is dwindling until it’s almost none !!
MOST people are sadly only concerned with vain, shallow, mundane “daily-life” & little […]

So today I’m suppose to go on a date with this guy I think I like. But I’m freaking out. I’m terrified that he’ll turn out like my exes and try pressuring me into doing things or try to take advantage of me. There’s also the fact of what if I don’t like him as much as I think I do. And what if I screw this up. Like whenever I have a a good thing going I do something to mess it up. I’m so scared for today. It’s also my first date ever.

Has anybody seen the movie Winter’s Tale? I just watched it last night and I’m halfway through watching it again right now. For some reason, watching that movie makes me stop wanting to die and all of my desires disappear until the only thing I really want is true love, fairytale style.
Sappy, I know, especially for a 16 year old guy, but I can’t help what I hope for. And for once, I actually don’t mind hoping for love.

I have been trying to walk up to the fact that i need to be hospitalized for awhile……i’ve even parked in front of huntsville hospital and walked half way in before turning around…..about to try again tonight

Life is fucking hard. I think we can all relate to that. It’s sort of like being in a fight. We roll with the punches and when we’re knocked down, we get back up…but what about when we’re punched so hard that we’re dizzy and seeing stars? What about when we can barely stand up? What if we get knocked out? What happens if life wins the fight? What then? Someone tell me, please. I’ve been fighting relentlessly – and I don’t want to anymore. I’m dizzy and seeing stars; I can barely stand up on my own. Right now, life is winning the fight […]

Wow. It’s been a while. I’m 15 now. I got better after I stayed home all summer, and now, school has obviously started again. I’ve gotten worse. I want to die.

I am so drained and tired of wanting to die…I’m sick and tired of being sick and tired

So I meet him. I can’t say it was love at first sight, but since the first time I saw him I was atracted. He has that “something”. I was in a few relationships in the past, but with him everything was so different. It was scary. We started knowing each other, talking everyday, telling each other how much we wanted to be near. Because being with him was like living a dream, like talking to the only person that sees your soul. My lips won’t kiss anybody the way they kissed him. I’m sure I’m made for him. But then, at the time I […]

So, i am a failure. After graduating with a BSME, i am too emotionally fucked up to get a job so i kept delivering pizza. I am 40 and this was supposed to be my big turn around. Instead i flipped out on a drunk asshole college kid, and on a first arrest ever got 2 and 1/2 years.
I am out this last June, and this is my first christmas back. So thats the jail part.

My dad and brother-in-law argue and so only my sister has been coming with my two nephews for the last 5 years. So this year they decided to […]

Which sleeping pills or pills will knock you out for awhile, that you can buy in stores without a prescription?

The weight of the world is getting harder to hold up.. im not okay and its not alright.. the lonlyniss is haunting me.

I don’t know when my father will ever look me in the eyes or even look at me. He’s always breaking, throwing, and verbally abusing me at the point where I decided to tie a noose and wrap it around my neck in my basement. I was scared of how it might feel and if it would’ve hurt, but you can already guess what I did… as I’m hanging and swinging around I couldn’t help and notice the pressure building up on my face. I felt as if my face was burning and ripping apart and my ears felt as if they were being pulled […]

These are the main emotions I’m feeling right now as i desire to take my life away. I am a complete and utter failure and drug addict, I’ve manipulated and lied to those around me and the people who care for me, I really just want someone to kill me, atleast that way I can’t fail at suicide. I’m consistently troubled and shut down to anyone who tries to get close, I’ve failed at school twice, have no money to my name and just am at a lack of words now, I want it all to end now.

Well the voices are bothering me again. I wonder what they want….I guess this means back to rehab I go..you know whats over rated people…. life…. ey but we live it dont we. And we gotto live it. Thats the problem.  Its in a way kinda compulsory… even after death theyll keepp at you. Heh… look at that. I babling again

Last year I was best friends with this girl. When something was wrong she was the first person I called to talk to. Over the Summer her ex started liking me. We got into a huge fight over it and now she hates me. I’ve tried so many times to be her friend again but it never works. When I’m nice to her she ends up spreading rumors. And now she’s talking to her ex again who started rumors about her. Why do I miss her like crazy? I don’t get this. It’s so confusing.

I don’t want to die with myself becz my parent’s love me, but now situation is not in my control. i want to do lot’s of stuff but i can’t every time i try to do new thing just someone remind me that what i can’t do. i screw many thing in my past i want to fix them but i can’t because i don’t have enough strength to stand. i am weak, i pray to god please give me some strength, but nothing work.i am just crying and try to harm my body. please god give your worst hazard to me so that i […]