If you ever need someone to talk to, just message me. kik: BellaBooBear270 email: scraper.isabella@gmail.com ; izzy27@live.com

Night time sucks. I just lay here infested by terrible memories of a better time. I miss her. I shouldn’t but I do. She is the love of my life and the ignition of my ruin. I’m not going to do what I’m going to do because of her but because she’s gone. And I did it. I ended it. I wanted to be free of the burden of knowledge, but some shit just sticks. The worst part of it is the happiest memories of her are the ones that hurt the most. The ones I can’t purge. It’s an everlasting thorn in my flesh. […]

if you were reading me i’d be scared because then you’d really know how bad I get without you how bad I’ve been but I guess I enjoy the satisfaction that even if you read how crazy I was you’d at least find out  how you were the only one who kept me sane for a little while. Sane is probably the wrong word HAPPY? HEALTHY? I don’t know lively to say the least. You see without you I see how filthy the world has become you were the best distraction you were the only good man my only good man. Oh how we talked […]

I’ve been fighting this for years. Trying to be happy in spite of it all. It’s always worse in the morning. Feelings I’m sure you know all too well.. Such an intense mixture of negative emotions, feeling hopeless and hurt. Every morning I wake up to suicidal urges. My family keeps me from it. I cry when I imagine the pain I’d leave behind. So I carry on. Not so much living, but existing. I try to live, but how can I? Happiness seems like a myth. And yet I continue to reach for it. But the most frightening thing is that I think, deep […]

This is my first post on this site though I have read many stories that I relate to deeply. I have had depression since pre-pubescent years and suicidal ideation since fourth grade. A feeling of worthlessness has always presided over my life; I have never been able to fit in and because of that it only reinforces the fact that I don’t belong here. After many attempts to free myself from this world, I am composing a final plan to sever the silver chorde. Before you say that I need to seek help, let me assure you that I decided to seek help for years […]

Why is it that every damn time I try to escape all the fuckin memories and flashbacks they come on harder?… Why is it that the more I try to feel the more numb I become?.. These are answers I will NEVER have.. So why does My mind want to constantly fuckin trap me in this twisted fuckin bull shit with no escape?.. None but the one that EVERYONE considers “wrong” .. I have so much anger!!!!!!!!!

No point in living im am just giving up but I cant do it cause I can’t live with out her but I don’t even know if she still likes me we took a break and we still haven’t talk since its been about 3 weeks. When I first met her I was thinking about killing my self but we become good friends and then we dated she saved my life she never knew I was feeling like that cause I was scared to tell her.  I don’t know what to do and my old feelings are coming back about ending it all. ;(

And to think that I actually believed you.
You said you wanted me, just me. Now you’re changing, and you no longer want me anymore. Yeah. Leave me. From the beginning, I’ve never left you at all. If I do so it must be because you’re busy. Or I need time alone. You left me. You said I will leave, but now you’re the one leaving. Yeah go on. I like how you lie. Yeah. Go on. Pain is addictive. Hurt me more if you can. In this relationship I’ve never pretended before. I sincerely love you with all my heart. Hah. Who knows, […]

I just can’t do life anymore. I need help, I want to die. I don’t want to be on earth anymore. Im so scared though. I don’t know what to do. someone, please

Things haven’t been going well at all…

I just float through life, trying to hold on to something.. seemingly anything there is to try and hold on to. I don’t want to be alone..alone in my life, in how I feel, in how I think and in how I see things from my perspective. I’m not done with this life yet, I don’t want to die like this..

From my wife leaving me, and never even sending so much as a hello via….? Nothing! ..to the sudden realization of mental illness….to constantly losing my job..never being good enough..to being right out used and brutally attacked…and the permanent […]

I sold everything I own and gave every last dime to US immigration services for them to process my paper work. Every last dime and I a still stuck in Jamaica. I did some things I am not proud of to get that paperwork going. Some really unclean things. Oh lord I wish I could wash my hands of those things. But I can’t. Stained. Scared. I really want to fly out but can’t afford that $250 ticket. The man that petitioned for me, he and I had a falling out. I hope he doesn’t go to immigration and get my green card revoked. Cause […]

I hate it when people argue about me. No matter where I go, people argue about me being alright. I admit that I’m not, but I can’t tell anyone that. I don’t want to bother them. My problems, rather my opinions never really mattered to anyone. I know others might say otherwise, but in reality as humans we refuse to accept others opinions rather than our own. No matter how good-natured you claim to be or how open-minded you are, the fact that an idea, a thought different or similar to yours, stirs up negative emotions, whether you admit or not. That hole in your […]

I sometimes feel as if I can not tell the difference between actual reality and the one in my mind. I think the worst of people and their intentions. I want to trust. Especially when people are seeming to earn it and be found deserving of my trust. However I can not shake the feeling that it is all just an elaborate act. I don’t like people. I used to. Not so much anymore. Maybe that’s just because of the people in my life that love me, spend their time and energy on me and have no idea who I really am and how dark […]

When I was in my 20s, I had some problems in business and with the criminal courts so now I have criminal records and a horrible reputation online. I used to have a lot of money so I moved to Asia and found my escape/happiness.

Now I have no money so I moved back to my country to live with my parents while I try to find a job doing something online. I am now in my early 40s, unemployed, getting fat, lonely, cold, losing hope.
It’s been 2 months and I’m getting nowhere and feel very unhappy. I cannot get a job (due to my […]

I have so many questions
And for answers I’m guessin
If life’s a test well then I’m F’n
Everything gettin fucked up fast
Tmw I don’t know if I can last
Laugh hard when we mingle
Cause I’m the only one of us that’s single
And for anything to be serious I have to turn it into a jingle
Man my life is gettin stacked like Pringles
Under pressure ima crack
Headed down any road that ain’t my own
Since in my lain I’m all alone
Pick up the phone to hear the dial tone
Friends has just never been my zone
And now […]

Day after day… my heart gets heavy

day after day, water blinds my eyes,  i cant bear it anymore

i feel like a tool, people turn on when they wanna have my body

am i just a body? i also have feelings… but day after day, my heart gets broken.

i dont believe in love neither in feeling, all i believe is in selfishness

all the fairy tales I’ve read and watched as a child… they’re far, far away from me.

i wanted to be your Cinderella,

and day after day, all i wanted was to be hugged.

I’m just a doll boy,a forgotten one.

when you want to touch me… it feels good, […]

there’s a different kind of tired

not the kind when you haven’t slept

or you’ve run two miles

or you haven’t eaten in hours

it’s the kind you can feel

behind your eyes

your neck

your shoulders

your chest

your knees

everywhere

when you’ve just had enough of being knocked down by it all

and the only cure is sleep

but not even that cures

because you know when you wake

you’ll be tired all over again

so you just drift through everything

tired.

Hello. This is no a cry for help or pity or advise. It is just me … me on my own isolated wanting to end it all. My son lives abroad … I was due to spend xmas with him and his other family. Today the news came I am not welcome. Devestated. I have no one else around me. My mum died 2 montths ago. I think of dying every morning every night and even when I sleep. I hate pain so need a painless exit. The pain I feel in my life is real and strong. I am crippled by my emotions and […]

Why is it that everytime I turn around someone’s telling me that I put myself in this place? I dug myself this hole and I’m keeping myself 10feet under.. If I could for one day feel “normal” (whatever society considers that) then I would be in a heart beat but I don’t ask to see think and feel the things I do. I don’t ask for the flashbacks or nightmares and I don’t ask for the emptiness.. But whatever maybe it’s something I deserve maybe and fuck being “normal”

I dont know any of you guys, nor do I know your story/history. I know pain in life has brought us all here.I want everyone of you guys to know I love you and hope that peace love and happiness finds a way in your hearts and minds. We all here seem to be sick, hurt, lonely crippled goods.life has a way of beating the shyt out you.Just know whatever you ve done, whatever you do ,know that I really do care.Im sorry you guys are hurting I really wish it was some way that this was a place of peace amd love for everyone.since […]