After 9 years of thinking about suicide every day (first time I ever thought about it I was about 9, I’m now 22) I finally decided to let everyone know. In October I texted my mother & husband about it. My husband’s response was an atypical caring one, “just hold on” “you’re strong” “you can make it.” “we’ll survive together” etc. You know the garbage anyone spews at someone who comes forward professing their suicidal thoughts. My mother however took the atypical rude approach, “so many people have it so much worse” “you have no idea what it’s really like to struggle” “you’re life has […]
Im 22 years old. I have a beautiful family that consists of my 3 children, 1 stepdaughter & my kid’s father/boyfriend of 8 years. sounds promising right? wrong. my troubles started at the age of 12. My father struggled heavily w/ a cocaine addiction that I didnt find out about until I was in the 6th grade. while he was a great, loving & reliable Dad, his addiction led him to become careless as it progressed. On June 2nd, the year following my 12th birthday, my father left me home alone with my “Godfather” who just so happens to be one of his drug buddies. […]
I’m turning 21 in a month. I’ve felt this way, at least to some degree, as long as I remember. Everyone always tells me “time heals all”. I don’t feel like anything has been healed. I’m stuck. The only way to discribe how I’m feeling is I’m in a clear box full of water, literally drowning in my own tears, but there is no way out. I can see everyone that I care about and people who care about me and those who say they do.. they are living their lives but all causally glancing over at me. Because they’ve all tried to “fix ” […]
If one lives for the incredibly small things in life, does that make them pathetic? That has been a big question on my mind lately. I feel like my life is futile and meaningless. The only thing I look forward to daily is my night ritual. I scoop myself about a pint of chocolate ice cream, preferably Breyer’s or Edy’s, squirt a generous amount of Hershey’s chocolate syrup on top, and then park myself in front of the TV for the rest of the night to watch Arrow, Doctor Who, and other such shows. I know eventually, that’s going to catch up with me physically, […]
I found a way out. Haha I found my method… I want to get out. Haha… but I’m unsure of if it’s what I want… I mean it is, in every sense it’s always on my mind; suicide. I can’t pretend I have no one that would care… there are plenty… I suppose I’m just worried about what they will do…I know some are as unstable as i am.. and I’d never wish them to harm themselves….
I have been ready to “check out” if you will for the last fourteen years of my life. I feel that I have so much to say but have lost the desire to speak. The only reason that I am still here is because I can’t muster the strength to try again due to the fear of not being successful. I wish there were a way to put my worries at ease although I know that is an impossible need to fulfill.
Most days, I feel like giving up… I have pets I live for now, nothing else. I sit at work and wish no one would look or talk to me. Most of the time a nasty comment comes from my mouth to lash out, it is all I have left. I am tired of the stares. I have been trying to place my pets, I made a will and am preparing to commit suicide. I don’t know when just yet. I am writing letters to friends and family. And even one to my employer who was the the most cause of my depression and stress. […]
I sit on the balcony,
wishing for pain.
Pain is the ultimate gain.
It makes it all real,
allows me to feel.
The dark abyss creeps closer.
I inch forward,
hoping to end it all.
Pain,
Without it i suffer more.
Without it I am nothing.
I don’t know what to do with myself anymore. My dad threw a knife at me and my mom tried to strangle me. On top of that, my friends just abandoned me! This is the second time in less than three days I have attempted to commit suicide. And, with any luck, I will be gone after tonight.
I have set a new termination date, and I plan to depart next week. Hopefully this time I do not screw up and end up still alive. I feel trapped, and that I have to make this decision. Although I have been depressed and suicidal for the past seven years, I feel as though my feelings have catalyzed within the past few weeks. I’m sick and tired of always being sick and tired. Sick and tired of being a stupid, worthless,and hated burden on those that are around me. I am nothing more than a failure. I don’t […]
Do you set yourself a literal “deadline” by which you’ll go through with it if nothing changes?
I’ll give it two more years, till I turn 27. I think it’s a good time. Looking forward to seeing Avengers 3 & Star Wars Ep 7.
It’s a struggle to get through the day. Often I get off work and first thing I do is drink myself to sleep, around 4pm, it only takes me about 30 minutes and I’m asleep, good ol tequila….but the rest of my life is pain. I constantly think of suicide. I heard her voice this morning, when she came to pick up the dog, she was laughing with my roommates…perfectly fine…perfectly happy. When I wake up in tears daily. It always comes back to this. I am 24 years old, a lesbian, and I am constantly coming back to this depression. Sure there are breaks […]
Life’s still horrible.
…I feel less and less motivation to do anything. I’ve stopped going to classes, appointments, meetings with friends. The only thing I actually do is go to work. Normally I would proceed as usual because I’m always aware there is a possibility my suicide will fail and I will be left with the consequences of shrugging off my school work and such. But something tells me that this time will work and if it doesn’t…I might finally say “fuck it” and jump off a building even though it could potentially lead me to become a vegetable. How am I going to get my ass back […]
I’m bulimic. Yes I use laxatives, enemas, diuretics, I self induce vomiting and I binge on food. So what! I’m so sick and tired of everyone making it in to a big deal saying I don’t need to lose weight that I’m not fat I am they are just trying to keep me fat so they feel better about there below par bodies. Its not my fault they are determined to drop weight. And I’m sick of them trying to “warn me” that it would kill me. If I wanted to live FAT then yea I would stop but no I want to be perfect. I wan to […]
I thought I was making progress. I thought I was starting to make friends and not be alone. I thought I was using the resources available for support. Things seemed to be going well.
Then l get a message from someone saying she is upset at my passive aggressive attacks. That alone hurts so much, that isn’t only beyond my social skills but isn’t in my nature. Not only is her being upset upsetting me but then knowing she didn’t know me well enough to assume I could do that. And when I tried to tell her my side of things she kept trying to accuse […]
So then internet, this is something new to me but something i feel i need to get out of my system.
I’ve had a very privileged life, i’ve travelled the world to some amazing places all in the hope of truly finding out who i am as a person. It’s 5 years later and i feel further from finding that answer than ever before.
3 years ago i tried to kill myself whilst in Asia. Overdosing and cutting myself silly. That didn’t work and i was rescued by a fantastic couple who for one of them had been in the same situation previously in their life. This […]
I’ve been miserable for two years now. I’ve been self-harming during those two years and have been thinking about suicide, but never acting upon it.
My parents won’t do anything to get me any help, because they don’t believe in depression.
I’ve been trying so hard to try and get happier by myself, but it’s driving me into more sadness and despair.
I’ve been trying to stop my self mutilation, but my body has been craving it. There’s a part of me that wants to cut myself and see how much I bleed, but there’s also the part of me that doesn’t.
I don’t know what to do anymore. […]
I just took 15 ibuprofen . I did it because I want my parents to know I need help. I don’t want to die. I’m home alone should I call my dad to take me to the ER? PLEASE HELP I DONT WANT TO DIE 🙁
This is something I’ll have to try and explain to my therapist. I figured I’d try to write it down first.
I suffer from delusional episodes. I don’t consider too many of my delusions “off the wall” or entirely “crazy” but never the less they exist only in my mind and it’s been proven to me on many occasions, but not before making outrageous claims, embarrassing myself and losing people I would have hoped to keep as friends..or more. This is why I say I suffer from delusions, because I drive away everyone who cares and the ones that stay get sucked into my pitiful […]