Well, i was diagnosed with endogenous depression a couple months ago and i haven’t really been getting any better. Lately I’ve been struggling to eat; I feel like i’m going to puke at the thought of food, and having to force myself to eat makes me cry. I can’t handle more than a couple spoonfuls of food before I feel sick, and I just can’t understand why. Has anyone else ever gone through this?
I am an artist
Though I cannot paint
I cannot write a novel
I cannot act in a film
Yet I am an artist
My paintbrush is my razor
My story is told through my tears
My film is life and my smile is the main character
I am an artist
Whose painting is in cerise beads
Whose story is in each crystal stream
Whose persona hides a reality behind a perfected smile
I am an artist
An artist with a dark truth
A hidden story
And a made up happy ending
I am an artist
An artist that has ran out of space for […]
my real name is Mark, but I prefer to be called Maciee. I came on here to find advice and possibly a way past this time.
it started when I was 7 or 8, wanting to be dressed up as a girl and to wear makeup, to be beautiful and comfortable in the pink and frills instead of the disgusting monster truck t-shirts and baseball caps. my mom died before i turned 5, but i know if she was still here she would have supported me now. i’m 12 years old, (soon to be 13 in a week counting today!). I live with my dad and […]
i am sorry for my English.
i have read some of the post and I can understand them.
I had a good life, good friends and family, I had before though about suicide but I always knew that I don’t really going to do this. And I never understand why I have them.
I don’t want to die and I don’t think anyone want but the pain is sometimes so strong, I have decided to do this because I am too weak and tired. I don’t going to write a suicide note to anyone this is not going to help them, they need to forget about me. So […]
My birthday is tomorrow and I find myself researching ways to kill myself. I have felt suicidal since I was 7, yet I always convinced myself that tomorrow would be better. I have lived this lie for 19 years. I’m sick of it.
I tried to jump out of a moving car on Wednesday night. My fiance stopped me. When I thought about how horrible it would have been for him to see me like that, it made me feel so wretched.
I am an abuser. I abuse him like my parents abused me. I don’t hit him, but I hurt him with my existence. I am […]
If you don’t wish to talk to me anymore or have any means of communication with me, you could just tell me straight.
I don’t wish to be kept in the dark, even if the truth hurts…
There is no comfort in the truth anyway.
Another day, another reason to live.
Another way, another reason I give.
Today is my Mother’s birthday. It’s also another day where I have changed my mind about ending my life. All the wheels were set in motion, all of the plans were made. Then I was reminded of what today was. I worry about what my death will do to my mother on a normal day, but I can’t use her birthday. So today is just another failed attempt.
It was so peaceful this week, planning everything leading up to today. Now that I know I have to live on another day my world has come crashing […]
We just had a 6.0 earthquake-holy fuck!Very disturbing…whole house shook side to side for several seconds.VERY loud…..I dragged my kids out of bed.We are waiting for aftershocks….
I’ve been suffering pretty severe depression for roughly four and a half years now. Throughout this entire battle I’ve had with the snakes in my head, the demons in my personality, nothing has helped. I’ve been on different types of drugs, I’ve seen councilors, I’ve talked to friends and family in a search for hope and understanding – and I always end up back in this state of desperation. It’s reasonably well known that there are suicidal people who don’t actively want to die, they just want the pain to cease. The thing is, I actually want to die. I’ve had on and off feelings […]
today was a mix of things. I am a little drunk. I had a bunch of mimosas with a coworker. delicious. Today was meant to be a busy but powerful and productive day.
I went to my old apartment where I paid my rent till the end of the month to discover that my ex roommates went into my room and “cleaned up.” They threw away different pieces of cardboard and plastic bags that I had left there. I went back to clean up and pick up some things I’d left today. I was shocked especially because some of the materials I left there, I left […]
So its been nearly a year since I tried to kill myself. I did it at the end of last summer, swallowed three bottles of anti-depressants. I did it because I wanted to die, and I was outraged when I woke up still quite alive. However I became even more upset upon learning the level of my injuries. Apparently comitting suicide after leaving home with nowhere to go is a worse idea, particularly in northern Minneapolis. After overdosing and passing out, apparently somebody found me and proceeded to mug me, stealing my few valuables and kicking the shit out of my body.
Not […]
I can’t describe myself in 5 words. I’m too messed up. I seem like I have a good life. I don’t. I project it well. I guess I have had a lot of practice. I want so desperately to live and enjoy every second of life but I can’t. I feel like I’m in so much pain it no longer seems bearable.
Ill go back… I was a bad teenager. I did drugs was wild and had so much fun. I got in with a bad crowd and caused so much heartache for my family. I lived anywhere I could for a few years. I drank […]
This is my first post, i have been reading some other stories & feel very much connected to the feelings expressed…. Want to share my story…. I have seriously contemplated ending my life on many occassions… But i am also a procrastinator :)), so i am still here….
I have been poisoned… By mercury: in my teeth, from fillings…. From vaccinations…. In the womb, from my mother’s tooth fillings…. From eating fish… From people burning coal and polluting the air and water….
Mercury is the most powerful neurotoxin on earth… Mercury amalgam fillings were used in the nazi […]
Many people blame us for not letting them in.they blame us for us being alone.they say how are they suppose to know if we’re sad or happy or mad if we never open up.im tired of hearing it.to all you who dont understand.WE CANT.even if we wanted to.we wouldnt be able to.its not that easy dammit.instead of blaming us for us being alone.why cant they look deeper.if you look close enough…you’ll see so much more.pay attention and you’ll see our true feelings.look deeper and you’ll see…
Part of me still hopes for a safe resolution, maybe find someone that is not a religious crack head to try to repair me? Is just false hope, I know that. I’ve known that for some time. I wonder why I kept holding on to this noise. I knew that everyone was going to walk away, to move on.
Everyone moves on, in the end we are nothing but memories that linger in time and eventually fade into nothing. Unless you find one of those people that can never forget. If such a thing even exists.
I’ve been researching more locations in the area that […]
I am not ungrateful for the aid they provided me with. I am not ungrateful for the compassion they showed me. I am not ungrateful for messages they tried to send.
My incapability to be ungrateful has made me surrender to the guilt of being apologetic.
I am so sorry for all the time that was wasted in your attempts to fix me. I am so sorry for having taken up a bed for someone that was potentially in a more crucial state of deep despondency than I.
I do not fear dying.
I fear what I am leaving behind.
My loved ones, my future, my pain.
Yet I simply cannot carry […]
something so beautiful and puzzling about the quickness in which ants die, when there’s just a bunch all swarming to a tiny bit of mountain dew that’s spilled on the counter, completely indulging in their desire. ants can’t really do much except mate and eat. human activities for ‘fun’ are just our creation… so, when ants give into their desires and slurp mountain dew and piss off humans, are they sinning, or what? do they even know they’re making people mad? or do they just think it’s a gift from above? do ants even think at all? does any thinking that humans do or anything […]
It is amazing that the ones who need the most help are the ones who are overlooked or ignored. We are the ones who have mastered the art of lying, stealing, cheating and faking. These arts are not used to rise above our position in society, but they are used just to survive on this earth.
Its funny how those who are ‘successful’ are always caught lying, cheating and stealing. I suppose one could say that if you really wanted to be successful, you should learn those arts from us. But then, that would mean someone would have to pay attention to us. They would have […]
I hate the stench of stale tobacco on my clothes. I hate the sensation of being far from reality when the drugs attack my body and mind. I hate the lack of sensibility when the devils nectar poisons my brain. I hate stealing from the oblivious shopkeepers. I hate driving when intoxicated and drugged, smiling at the police officers that watch me beaming- as though they gather I have nothing to hide behind my misleading smile. I hate when the doctors tell me I am doing fine.
I’ve long perfected the ability to play the game right and pretend that I am same.
As I drive down the […]
I’ve struggled my whole life with depression and for a very very long time I’ve been convinced that suicide is by far the most likely way that I will die. I just can’t take it anymore. I’ve done everything right. I’m doing the drug/therapy thing, I quit drinking, and I exercise regularly. Unfortunately none of these can stop the heart crushing loneliness that I feel so often. I hate my job, I’m broke, and I have no real friends around here, but those aren’t the main reasons I think I’m going to kill myself soon. Ever since getting treatment for depression I’d have short periods […]