I’ve always been independent. Independent and mature, people called me. Even when I was a little girl. And I’ve always been the type of person that likes to be alone a lot of the time. I’m tough, I’m strong, and I stand alone. I don’t think about love very often. I don’t want a relationship or to get married; at least not now. I’m eighteen years old; I’m just a baby, people tell me. And that never made sense to me. Wasn’t I the “mature” one? But it all makes sense when it comes down to those moments when everything is dark, both outside my […]
Honestly, was anything I ever said or did good enough? Am I just someone you knew now? Is it because I wasn’t going to coddle you and baby you whenever you had a boo boo? Grow the fuck up. I’m not your mother.
What do you have to do nowadays to get people to stay by your side? Nothing I suppose. Because no one will stay by your side. You reach out for help and people spit on your hand.
All my friends, all my trusted companions, gone now because I obviously wasn’t their ideal person to associate with. The trust circle I have contains 2 people. […]
I only know what day of the week it is because it says it on my iPad. I’ve sat in the same chair all day long for the last couple weeks, only moving to use the bathroom, shower, or sleep. My only forays out into the world consist of the five minutes to the corner store for smokes. No one calls. No one wonders what I’m up to. No one cares if I’m still alive. I come on SP to find people who identify with me, but in truth, I find I don’t identify. I feel like I just post random comments that no one […]
Where once a bonfire of life could be seen
Now lies a black scorch on the village green
People they departed a few at a time
Even though I’d committed no crime
“There’s no smoke without fire” then “I knew it weren’t true”
How their minds changed when the whole truth came through
That part of the village is still dead and black
And like the friends, it’ll never come back
Even in sleep my mind is filled with thoughts that all come back to the same finality.
As I have been unable to work for almost 2 years, the old grey matter hasn’t been getting much of a work out, say for the odd long walk with my dog’s. There are some times several days where the 3 of us just stay in our own little ‘nest’, only surfacing about 20 minutes before my other half arrives home, and painting on that smile that says everything is ok.
Then it’s a few cans of lager, my sleeping meds, and a few blessed hours of rest. This time […]
So yes, kill yourself. But not literally, kill your false self. Thats how you heal.
http://takingthemaskoff.com/2014/07/19/thinking-of-suicide-read-me/comment-page-1/#comment-615
I hate living alone. I hate knowing no one is ever going to walk through the door besides me. I hate never feeling anyone else’s energy in the house. I’m going crazy.
I’m new to this site, so hello and hi to everyone.
I’m a man in my 40’s based in the UK. Up until 2 years ago I had everything I wanted in my life. It was then that one person’s vitriol cast a shadow over my life, that can never ever be lifted. I’m in a long term loving relationship (15 years), and I’m trusted implicitly by this person, and this person has never doubted me for even a second.
I have decided that I wish to embark on the journey of self deliverance in approximately 3 months time.
Why the delay? I have to prove my innocence […]
I don’t actually know what to write .. even my tears roll down my face , before I even put my hand on the keyboard .
is it because it’s too painful to be written ? or because I’ll be writting something , people would never pay attention to ?
I’m not a suicidal person , I do not cut myself or had suicide attempts .. I just cry , tears hurt more than any cuts on your wrist .. you know why ? cause the pain may go away when you cut yourself , you either die , or get […]
Well. Those 3 days I spoke about prior are up. The stage is set. I’ve never been so goddamn fucking nervous in my life. Should I back out last minute or fail, you have my word I will be back tomorrow to explain what went wrong. Gotta be strong, determined. This is what I want.
goodluck and godspeed
Frank
It’s a different kind of feeling.. Worse than the others.. Like a never ending tightness in your stomach. I don’t wanna kill myself I just wanna show everyone what there doing to me
Humans are very bad at making decisions. And I’m no exception. Even though I haven’t decided weather or not I will go for the big and final exit or not, I’m already on my way. Unconsciously, I’ve already started to wither. Smoking is obviously bad and sometimes I wonder if I’m going to get lung-cancer one day. The lung-cancer part doesn’t scare me – but the fact that I couldn’t care less, really freaks me out.
That’s one of me biggest problems now days; I simply don’t care. I don’t care if won’t graduate, I don’t care if my pets gonna die and I don’t care if […]
I’m so fucking done with this household and this “family”. I’m tired of being taken advantage of, of being the only one that works, the only one that keeps the fucking lights on, the only one that carries the fucking world on their shoulders and is still expected to do everything. I haven’t even gotten the chance to sleep today, fuck I’ve only gotten four hours to carry me the last 24 hours! But no, they still need me to do more and run all their god damn errands and run their welfare asses around like I’m their god damn taxi driver. They can all […]
From the beginning, there was always something that didn’t feel right. That I was missing some kind of feeling everyone around me always seemed to have. My biological father had fucking issues, and I never got to know how it felt to have a father. Sure, it sounds like it isn’t something big, but it’s what followed that only made the situation worse. Thankfully my mom and grandparents were saints, but then she met someone else after the divorce. He acted all nice and caring and ‘father like’ in the beginning to get to my mom’s heart, then they got married and he made my […]
Like all humans the boy had limits.Limits to what he could do.but also limits to what he could take and after all the time that had passed he finally understood one fact.He would always be alone.the boy had tried harder than most people would have…he tried harder than he should have….he gave up.he was done.he decided to not care anymore.he cut himself off.he showed nothing.that darkness in his heart had once again warped him.his face grew blank.no smiling.no more crying.nothing…he gave in to the lonliness.he kept it all inside.his feelings of pain and resentment and sadness…he decided to close them in his heart and pretend […]
Its so hard to understand something you just cant get a grip on.take life for example,it truly is a beautiful thing…but at the same time it can be so….cruel.emotions are a great subject.they make us happy and sad….angry and loving.and yet it is these very same emotions that can do so much damage.let me ask you a question.why?….why is it that we’re given happiness on a silver plater just so it can be ripped away?…why is it that this emotion called happiness is dangled in the face of those who can never have it?.To me the answer is clear…you have to fight….the happiness you may […]
Sorry I’m different. Sorry I like different music. Sorry I’m not perfect. Sorry I’m bisexual. Sorry I’m depressed. Sorry I have low self esteem. Sorry I hate myself. Sorry I’m a fuck up. Sorry I’m not who you wanted me to be Mum. Sorry I don’t get all A’s. Sorry I’m not smart. Sorry I’m not beautiful. Sorry I don’t get solos in choir. Sorry I waste your money Dad. Sorry I do what I can to get out of the house because I hate it there. Sorry I’m not athletic. Sorry I can’t do everything you want me to do Mum and Dad. Sorry […]
All of us here with our suicidal ideations and intentions (this post is not addressed to the wannabe saviours, bless their sweet souls) – I lurk and read, and i write and comment rather little, but I am here every day nonetheless. And the impression I’m getting is that, despite the fact that we are all weak in one way or another, some people discuss suicide from a position of strength and some from absolute vulnerability. The strong ones display vulnerability, but the vulnerable ones do not display strength. I’m not going to name names; I’m not even going to tell you which of those I imagine […]
My mood took a turn for the worse this morning. Maybe the reality that I can’t figure out how to end my pain without dying. I don’t know. But then I read posts from people who think they have all the answers to depression and mental illness… Well, it is a beautiful day here in San Francisco. My cats are adorable. I will try to smile and forget my pain for as long as I can.
Last night I went to a house party. There were two or three junior doctors there. We were all pretty drunk. I got them talking about the most humane way to kill. I’m not going to disclose what they said here because I respect the rules.
I enjoyed the conversation very much. I made up some bull about wanting to write for TV horror. I’m not going to do anything of the sort. I wanted to find out what the best way to die would be, and what they would choose. I found out some details that would be helpful if it does come to […]