Well. Those 3 days I spoke about prior are up. The stage is set. I’ve never been so goddamn fucking nervous in my life. Should I back out last minute or fail, you have my word I will be back tomorrow to explain what went wrong. Gotta be strong, determined. This is what I want.
goodluck and godspeed
Frank
12 comments
Well, good luck to you Frank. Hopefully you chose I nice painless method for yourself. It was nice chatting with you for this short time.
good luck and hopefully you find the peace that you seek. I am jealous, I truly wish I had the courage, conviction, and determination to do the same. Rather than continuing to wallow in this meaningless and empty existence.
Best wishes, Frank. I hope you find peace. I hope your exit is painless.
Guys I’m here. I need someone to talk to right now. This was the scariest night of my entire fucking life. Everything I am going to tell you just happened in the last 20 minutes. Gotta catch my breath here goes. Real shit here friends.
Wrote my mom a 5-page note earlier in the night, completely broke down in tears at the end of it. Anyways, fast forward to right after I posted this thread. I tied the rope to the support in the garage, was going for partial suspension hanging. Had been practicing how to black out quickly so get it over with quick. completely broke down in tears as i put that thing around my neck.
No lights on in the garage, just a flashlight. The noose just dangling ominously. I got this incredible sick feeling in my stomach looking at it. I started mumbling to myself to be strong Frank, this is what you want. I put it around my neck and completely let myself drop, let my legs go limp so my body weight was on this thing. The black out started, got all tingly, it was happening. I don’t know how long I was in this thing, maybe 5-10 seconds, the flashlight light was fading out, this ringing in my ears.
Something happened. Immediately I just had this super strong thought rush through my head thinking of my family and friends. I immediately put my legs back up and stood up and ripped that son of a ***** right off my neck. I’m gasping for air, my whole neck hurts like a mother fucker, excuse my mouth I don’t even know right now. I sat there for a minute, started crying again (I haven’t cried in years till today). My neck has rope burn around it and it hurts a lot. I turned up the air conditioner to cool me off and am back here.
I’m putting that 5-note paper in the paper shredder tomorrow. I’m going for a long walk outside tomorrow morning. I will not be on this site for a little while, I’m completely removing myself from the topic of suicide for now. What just happened just scared the living shit out of me like nothing ever has before. I will never speak of tonight to anyone, anywhere for the rest of my life. I just took my natural sleeping pills I usually take and I’m going to go lay down and eventually get some restful sleep hopefully.
Thank you all so much for talking to me for these 3 days. I made a mistake tonight. I’m not even kidding you, I was seconds away from the end and I once those thoughts of family and friends hit me so quickly and hard like that, that was just so terrifying words dont even do it justice. I just threw the last of my smokes away too, I am going to do everything I can to get my health issues under control and fix everything thats wrong in my head. Good fucking grief.
Love you all and take care good care of yourselfs and dont ever fucking do what I just did.
Frank
I’m happy that you were able to find meaning Frank. By all means, take some time to better yourself and set your sights on how you’d like your life to be. For what it’s worth, I’m proud of you.
wooow , I don’t exactly know what you’ve been through , but I’m glad you realised that your life is worth living :s after all , suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem 😀
Glad to see you have a definite answer on your intentions Frank. Good luck in your future endeavors.
Whatever you feel strongest about do (I’m a little late). Seems like even you found something. I’m so happy that you’re still here :’) even if it’s been just a few days.
You’re ever an inspiration
Oh my goodness Frank. I am so happy that you stayed. I have been thinking of you. You are a beautiful soul that the world needs. Please stay strong and I’m so glad that you are going to do everything you can instead of something so devastating and permanent. Go to your family and friends. If you ever need anything, I’m here. You just had that epiphany we were talking about. That your life is worth something. Because it is. Sending love your way.
Wow Frank. I’m glad you rediscovered your will to live in time to stop the process. That’s an amazing story and you are a great guy, thanks for sharing your experience with us here, it gives us all food for thought. Well done.
Yes! I hope you can find peace another way… Sending my well wishes… Take good care of yourself.
I began crying reading your goodbye, then cried harder as I discovered your comment telling me you are still here. I am a survivor of 6 failed attempts, and let me tell you, it’s not until you’re at your darkest moment when you begin to see love and life. I’m happy to see you’re still here. <3