Why are you not bad?

I can’t make friends. I’ve tried my whole life to blend in, to be like everyone else. But I just can’t. I thought I finally could make it. But it wasn’t a real friendship. People just want me to be available when they need me. But no one listens to me when I need company. I’m spending my days crying my heart out. Why does it happen to me? Why is everyone I’ve ever cared for happy and enjoying their lives and achieving their goals. Whereas I can’t do it. I’m not meant to do it.
I was so desperate and so in pain that […]

I wont say names and I wont say ages, it’s difficult enough to even type this sort of stuff.

Within a span of 4 months my life changed dramatically. My father passed away and I was assaulted by peers older than me.
I wasn’t sure how to communicate what happened. My father dying, people I thought I was safe around. How can you tell your family or your friends about any of that and have them understand how you’re feeling?

Sure they could have been through something similar or close to your experience, but every experience is different. You don’t get assaulted by the same person/people. You […]

I woke up this morning not long ago and decided to head to SP to see today’s posts. I noticed I had a fair amount of responses to my post last night. As I was reading them, a couple of users were talking about a topic that made me stop dead in my tracks and literally say ‘wow’. I feel everyone should take a look at this and give me there thoughts, because I really wish I had the answers.

” I’ve noticed one thing…a whole lot of awareness. Too much, I think. And intelligence. And thoughtfulness. A lot of very smart, sad, interesting, hyper-aware people. […]

The only thing more pathetic than a person committing suicide is a person that fails epically at it…

“He knows that you have to laugh at the things that hurt you just to keep yourself in balance, just to keep the world from running you plumb crazy.”
Ken Kesey, One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest

Eventually I will get into the back story on why I tried to kill myself, but not today, not up to going through the last 5 years (well really, 45 years)  in detail just yet.  However, I would like to share my opinion on suicide, […]

Not for anything but I’m so sick of feeling lonely and insecure and useless and inadequate. For once in my life I’d love to have a friend or a significant other stick with me and tell me that it’s going to be ok, that I have a life worth living. Sometimes I just have to be reminded, because the self pep talks are useless.

It’s probably extremely pathetic on my behalf, but I’ve recently started talking with my ex again. It’s stupid but I miss him. He’s married to an absolute ***** who’s driving everyone away from him, and I’ve warned him numerous times to get out […]

scarsI don’t know what to do anymore.. I battle with severe anxiety, depression, insomnia and anger issues.I try my hardest to be what they want me to be.. the perfect daughter. Have the perfect grades, I was working 2 jobs but I just can’t cope any more. I’m lost. Dropped out of school at 15. Quit one job. Have barely any shifts at the other one. I blow up at everyone over everything. I can’t help myself .I cry everynight trying to think of new ways to be perfect… I tried cutting… It just wasn’t my thing so I started burning myself. The pain […]

When can I leave? I want so badly to go now to just fade away. But I can’t. I promised myself I would wait till my parents were gone. So here I am waiting, forever waiting till the time when I can cease to exist. There is nothing for me here and there never can be. I only destroy everything and create pain for those around me. Around people but never part of anything, no connection. Alone. And hurting.

For those like me there truly is no rest for the weary.But at the same time if your like me you simply cannot just end your life.not that I dont want to.its that I cant.being alone for all this time has shaped me.in my eyes I must be independant and not rely on anyone else.I must do things the right way the first time or not at all.discipline comes into action if I show weakness.I become so angry with myself for making even small mistakes it intoxicating.I have too much pride you could say.like this for example…I would rather die than be caught off guard.I […]

I want to know

your story

before you go.

Man I just heard the awesomely funny and always profound”What do you do with a Drunken Sailor?”Shane Fucking MacGowan people!!!! OH this guy…a living miracle.More saturated with booze and drugs than even Keith Richards-just not quite as long. I think when he does finally go, he should be sainted,and im definitely goin to start a petition and then address the The Pope . He will resist,but if the world demands that Shane MacGowan be awarded Sainthood ,and compels him to like… conference call with  the Holy Trinity ,i think this could happen….Those three are hard to catch together at one time,but I think once the […]

Hyper beam, inspiration

The dying hell of Leech

Calypso

Are you the dead queen

Does this, have an end

The words

The lyrics

I don’t even exist

I see a wild Ratatat, smiles

I just want to breathe and be strong, Calypso

My … reality

Robin Williams, angel man

Would of saved me a million times

How I exist, nobody knows

I’m just Leech.

Hello all. This is my first post so please bear with me. I am a 35 yo female struggling with several mental illnesses including chronic depression and Borderline personality disorder. Im not sure how i should be anymore because everything i have tried f-ed things up. I finally have gotten to the point i understand im not lazy, faking, seeking attn or looking for an excuse. However, it does not take away the Emptiness inside. Nor does it take away the feelings of wanting to commit suicide. I don’t understand why even on my good days small things can happen and i think i dont […]

Im not depressed, or i think im not. I fail to see what others tell me. I have a verbally abusive dad and slightly over bearing mother. Add few friendd, a grand total of 60 bucks to my name, college debt, poor grades, lack of confidence, and i dont know what i am. I dont have the worst story. Bullied til o was 17, hated by my dad since i could talk, and hurting from massive amounts of medical bull. Its enough for me to considet suicide. Noone will ever hire a second rate guy from high school with struggling college grades who cant stand […]

I was abused as a child. I can’t remember so many things! I have so many empty spots in my memory that I can’t deal with! I began self harming in elementary school. I haven’t been clean for longer than two weeks since. I want to die so badly! I can’t deal with the pressure from my family, the disappointment in their eyes when they look at me, knowing how much more disappointed they’d be if they found out I’m not as straight as they think. I am everything they hate. I can’t do anything right in their eyes, yet they expect so much from […]

I give up on everything. I don’t see the point anymore.

I am lonely.
Mostly on days like today. I feel so completely alone though I am surrounded by so many people. So many people who might care, if I told them that is. But the thing is, even though I am surrounded by caring people, none of them notice.
Some days I get asked a simple question, “Are you okay?” and I know that I should quit lying. I should stop pasting on a smile and giving them some bullshit answer such as “I’m fine,” or on days I can barely muster that smile, “I’m just tired,”. As if lying to everyone around me will […]

Just done tryin,

Tired of cryin.

Got nothing to give,

Got no reason to live.

No one will care,

No one will be there.

Just me all alone,

Just want to go home.

Walk into the sea,

Let it swallow me.

Become one with the deep.

Eternal sleep.

The big question whist happens after we die, where do we go. Do we go into a spiritual realm for tortured souls, do we go into nothing, do we go into a dream world for good, do we see others that are past,do we go to heaven, do we go to hell? These are the questions that every one wonders, even the most religious person must think in the back of their minds I hope there is a heaven. So to kill yourself is a sin and then we end up in hell. Whet if you think life is hell, why is there such a […]