Would love to just run away from everything, start new then return better and feeling normal
My brain won’t stop dancing amongst the putrid errors my fucked up self has made in the past. Like ever, seriously.
No matter what I am doing these thoughts persist. I try to distract myself. I try to think about other things. No matter who I’m with, what I’m doing, time of day… I’m tired and I feel gone. If that makes sense.
I don’t want to do this, nobody understands that. I just want it all to end, all the pain, all the hurt, all the angry. Nothing seems to be getting better.. All my friends and family make me look like a terrible person because how unhappy i am and how much i want to die.. That’s the reason i haven’t done it, i just cant take this anymore and i don’t know whats wrong with me and why i am sad? I hate talking about my feelings because no one knows what to say to me and they all get so mad because i wont […]
i posted earlier. if i dont get my own place soon, i will either go to a homeless shelter, blow my brains out, or end up committing homicide to the woman who gave birth to me. wont post again for a while (hopefully never lol)
It all started with a party/camping trip. I got invited just because I was best friends with one of the “popular” girls. When I got there it was great, I mean there was alcohol and drugs there and I got pressured into drinking and smoking but it was okay for a while. Soon after awhile I was finding myself talking to a boy who I wasn’t really interested in knowing one of the girls (I’ll call her Kayla) there was trying to get with him. With everyone drunk, high, and my flirty personality it looked like I was trying to hook up with him. (Which […]
So this is life?
This is the great mystery?
When every day is so predictably painful that I see no point in waking again?
What have they told you? That life isn’t fair? They know not the half of it.
Voices. Voices whose mouthes I cannot find speak to me, they speak my mind, my mind, my mind will not stay it’s breath, oh why won’t it let me be?! I cannot think clearly for these clouds of despair block my vision to a brighter tomorrow that they say exists out there.
With every day the same tragedy and the memory of what I used […]
Anybody bored and wanna talk???? Text mmmeeeee or email 19494846924. ilovefreckles@gmail.com
i hope this week i really do it. to all on this website who have encouraged me: thank you so much. I will probably wuss out and be here again next week 😛 If for some reason i actually do it, i love u all, and i hope to see you all in heaven.
This is all my words. Here it goes hope you enjoy…
I’m drowning in the darkness of my bloody lost soul
freezing and falling through this endless black hole
I can feel it all my blood is raining and the knife is sawing
but none of this will help the frostbite in my mind start thawing
I feel forzen isolated broken and alone as my depression leaks from parts unknown
Maybe from my slit wrists deep down to the bone
cuts and scars on my body never to be shown
So insecure and emotional it makes me cry
To the point where I lay in bed and pray […]
Fucked up fact about me, people that care and try to help me annoy me. So what kind of person does that make me? I have dark thoughts and I don’t feel guilty about them either and sometimes that worries me. I want to love someone, I want to care, I want to feel something good but I can’t. I feel nothing but hate, annoyance, and anger, nothing more and its eating away at me. There aren’t any good parts of me left, I’m glad no one likes me that I matter to no one I’m glad I pushed them all away. Because if they […]
hate every one – say anything
Everyone thinks they know best, exactly what you need and if you disagree it’s your illness. How the fuck do they know? I’ve been “ill” for 10 years and now everyone wants to tell me what I need to do. At the end of the day they can label you anything but you’re the only person who truly knows who you are.
I am a writer, I write poems, short stories, books, songs, etc. I wrote a poem a while back about suicide and self harm. Everybody says it is very beautiful but the content is bad (suicide anx self harm) anybody want to see it?? I will post it if you want to see it. 🙂
I want to cut myself so bad right now. It’s like the longer I go without, the more intense the urges become. I should reward myself for going almost 3 weeks without any bloodshed. Positive reinforcement, or whatever that psychology theory is.
It might sound weird, but I almost miss the smell of the blood, the feel, the sight. I could get so much red out of just a few small wounds.
Why do I miss it?
So after about 2 hours of sleep last night, I bolt up wide awake after yet another extremely vivid dreams that I’m sure was chock full of all sorts of metaphors about why  I need to die soon. Exhausted, but I know I’m not going back to sleep. I start playing some poker online, won a bit, then lost a bit, so broke even. Feeling a little better about not getting wiped out at poker. But my mind keeps drifting back to my dream. It’s difficult to know if it was a nightmare or not. It’s wasn’t unpleasant. And perhaps that is the nightmare. It […]
“I’m alright, until I’m alone and lately that is all the time”
Hiya for who ever has reads this. My problem has been going on for nearly 9 years now, out of a 7 day , say 3 to 2 days am happy full of life,loud making jokes,love my girlfriend full of trust , then for next 4 days am down in dumps don’t want to get out of bed,moody,paranoid,want to kill my self this has been going on for years and iv never been for help (and don’t plan to) but a came across this site and was wondering if any one has symptoms and can help ?
My mistakes consume me.
When ever one crosses my mind,
It crushes my lungs till I can’t breathe.
It replays in my head till I go insane.
It makes my stomach lurch, till I loose everything I ate.
The pain on other peoples faces spin around me till I hurt myself just as much as I hurt them.
Then when it all finnally fades away, I get reminded again.
And the cycle repeats.
Just wish he would grow tired of bullying me. I just want him to leave me alone. He seems to think I deserve this. I am so, so, so low. He is driving me towards committing suicide.