Damn it, here I am again. Tired of life and everyone in it. Just took a walk to the highway. Kind of empty this time of night. Sort of like me. Anyway, I guess I am living for another day. Living on borrowed time.
I’ve tried to kill myself about .. 7 times. I’ve tried hanging.. Ended up blacking out and waking up to Demond’s and evil thing coming after me. I’ve overdosed 3 times. That ended with throwing up water and sleepless nights with ringing ears and sweaty palms. I was recently in a psychiatric hospital. I was diagnosed with schizophrenia and severe depression. They put me on 3 different medications.. But I don’t take them. They make me foggy. I feel like people can read my thoughts and control them. I hear a man talking to me all the time. His name is 6. He leaves mean […]
I have never shared my story before,
I’m now 24, the 24 years of my life have been the worst, raised in a well off family I had my emotional needs neglected from an early age, suffered abuse from from my family and depression all through high school. Thinking back I can only remember feeling alone and afraid.
It wasn’t always bad, after finishing highI school, I worked full time for a few years, but I could tell something was missing, I had not and still to this day have not  had emotionally intimate relationships. I don’t know how to establish or maintain them, nor do I […]
I’m just tired o being the fuck up of my family. I’m 19 and I go to community college and work part time and am not allowed to move out. Meanwhile my 2 sisters both got in to Ivy League schools (one is attending Harvard grad school in the fall) and they haven’t worked a day in there lives and get a monthly allowance. I’m family ignores me and everyone moved away. I live with my grandparents and we have nothing in common my grandma is 80 an my grandad has dementia. Tonight was just the final straw we went out to dinner and he […]
     “I’m sorry.”
Dear mom, I’m sorry I’m such a disappointment. I’m sorry I can’t get good grades. I’m sorry I can’t love up to your expectations. I’m sorry for not being successful.
Dear friends, I’m sorry I can’t keep a long term friendship with any of you. I’m sorry we lose connection for while. I’m sorry I never stayed. I’m sorry for pushing you away.
Dear people at my school, I’m sorry I don’t fit in unlike you do. I’m sorry that I’m weird. I’m sorry that I don’t look as pretty as most girls do.
Dear myself, I’m sorry I was ever born, I’m […]
June Carter Cash and Johnny Cash sang Farside Banks of Jordan (copywright blah,blah blah) but it makes me think of you Jeff…
I believe my steps are growin’ wearier each day
Still I’ve got another journey on my mind
The lures of this old world have ceased to make me wanna stay
My one regret is leavin’ you behind
But if it proves to be His will that I am first to cross
And somehow I’ve a feelin’ it will be
When it comes your time to travel likewise, don’t feel lost
For I will be the first thing that you’ll […]
I want to disappear.
I’m sick of this life and the people in it. I want to slip out quietly through the back door and start over somewhere new where no one knows me. Â I want to travel the world and find the place the I’m the happiest, a place that actually needs me.
So here I am again, missing you. I can’t believe it’s almost been a year. I still haven’t gone through all our stuff, it hurts. You would have loved the place where I’m at now, its a little house on a 100 acre farm with a creek for fishin and train tracks and a whole lot of birds! Life is still hard, really hard, especially on my own. I’m looking for a second job so I can keep it, mama is losing her house so there is nowhere else for me to go now. I needed you baby, even […]
I am breathing, but barely. Life was, “O-K”, for a while. And then…And then my life nosedived. My mental state went from being stable to barreling into the Mariana’s Trench. I ate, but the food had no taste. I drank, but nothing was cool enough. I saw but everything was in grayscale. I felt nothing. Not the wind in my face, nor the heat of the bath. I felt my heartbeat in my chest as if it were a taunting reminder of the cord that holds me to life.
Moving on in the night, I once gained a sense of comfort from cleaning; and so I […]
They don’t make ’em like they used to.
So, I’ve been spending the past 5 years of my life on a steady downward spiral. I can’t hold a job more than a year. Failed out of college, failed with relationships with both sexes, and destroyed my credit. I feel like everything I touch dies. I can’t get anything right, and its been that way my entire life. I’m at the point that I really don’t see the point in continuing to be another uncontributing wasted resource in the world. I keep thinking I should pull the plug on it. I can’t really shake it. Have you ever felt like you were destined to […]
Remarkably, two years from its onset, I’m still alive; still fighting. By some odd twist of fate, I’m still here…still on this beautiful earth that once was forgotten in my mind. I’m still here to speak of the taboo disease that is depression…this stigma that is an incomprehensible sadness. The sole disease that many encounter, yet the sole disease that no one wants to admit to. The sole disease that is so easily swept under the rug. The sole disease that is too disgusting to talk about, so it’s kept to a whisper. The sole disease that is too embarrassing to ask for help, so […]
IF all humans on planet earth want suicide? does that mean all human race is most intelligent species?
if not humans who is intelligent on earth?
if you spending your 60 years just to watch yourself dying, isn’t it illogical?
aren’t we unfortunate because we will be missing all technologies and lifestyle that come after 1000 years?
Hi
I’m completely new to this site and I’m not really sure what kinds of things people post but here goes.
I am 23 years old and people think I’m a happy and normal person but I’ve been suffering from bipolar disorder for 5 years. The depression I experience in cycles is becoming too much and I can’t hide it anymore. When I’m like this I am such a drain on my family and I just don’t see an end to it. This is why I want to end it all.
There is one thing stopping me. Despite being completely non religious, I keep having this horrible anxiety […]
How many times did the sun shine, how many times did the wind howl over the desolate tundras, over the bleak immensity of the Siberian taigas, over the brown deserts where the Earth´s salt shines, over the high peaks capped with silver, over the shivering jungles, over the undulating forests of the tropics – day after day. Through infinite time, the scenery has changed in imperceptible features. Let us smile at the illusion of eternity that appears in these things, and while so many temporary aspects fade away, let us listen to the ancient hymn, the spectacular song of the wind, that has saluted so […]
I am in such a shit mood right now, and I don’t fucking know why.Â
I was all happy and laughing an hour ago, and then I had a shower and hate a complete breakdown in there for 10 minutes. I then kept seeing this girl in there with me and I got really freaked out over it and started having a panic attack because I thought they’d stopped appearing in the bathroom. So I was in there for an extra 25 minutes having a full out panic attack, and then I came out the shower and started blow drying my hair in the kitchen when […]
Everyone has a point in there lives where they dont know who they are, where they are, or who they want to be. Some people have to hit rock bottom before getting back up but sometimes we keep falling which is okay as long as you keep tryin. I had to hit rock bottom twice before I realized I had to get clean and sober. Im not perfect and I can fall at anytime but, right now Im heading back to the top of recovery. Let me tell you about my journey and my story about strength; sit back, relax, and enjoy the ride.
Weird is planning your kid’s bat mitzvah, studying for the bar exam, talking to your friends like everything’s fine, and making arrangements for your death all at the same time. When I first saw this house I said I would die here. It wasn’t what I meant at the time. but it turns out I was right, nonetheless.
At the age of 17 after signing paper to come to kicking horse job corps in Montana. I had a break down. remember that I have PTSD, I had a psychotic break down. this is honestly that hardest part of my life Its hard for me to tell people. but here it goes. I had a psychotic break down I was homicidal and suicidal. I showed up at my moms not(best friends mom and his house) house. She wasn’t feeling good. she was feeling sick that day. She looked at me and asked if I was okay. all I could manage was a head shake saying no. […]
she saved my life
I moved back to Colorado in a small town named Eaton. I went through a lot. I was the new kid in town. We moved there after my first love Emily committed suicide, Because an abuse family(drugs, alcohol abuse family). I got a letter from her sister saying she committed suicide on March 31st  2009. It just made the move back to Colorado harder. I tried committing suicide on June 20th 20o9 because we moved back […]