the feeling of constantly being unwanted really sucks hey

seriously this life is killing me ,

so hurt that i cant sleep…

they took everything

Slow down, i can’t keep up

while your waiting here

for me

saveme,save me

i can see you,

u think your gone

but your visible and so dark

Some one will Find me

Im waiting my hand are numb it raining, am i done?

Impatient ,can i go now ?

lett me leave

in love with life thats beyond me

I’ve always liked that song. My time here on earth is almost up. I have only a few items that remain on my checklist. Throughout this process the only regrets I have is never being in love, never having a child of my own, and not being around to see my nieces and nephews grow up. I’m not afraid of dying. I thought I would be but I realized that fear was based on religious beliefs and on the uncertainty of whether I would be successful in my suicide attempt. I’ve decided not to fret about either what is meant to be will be. I […]

I know I have nothing to complain about. I am a highly successful in my field, received many achievements, published many papers and have lots of friends and family that love me. I have travelled the world.

Why can’t I make myself happy?

Why can’t I make my mind quiet down and stop these feelings of inadequacy and unhappiness? It’s so fucking exhausting to appear composed and totally with it, and I feel like such a sham deep down. I need to get out of this, but I feel so trapped at the same time.

Believe it or not I am vacationing in Italy right now. I am visiting my parents (who have been here for the last year) and my mama and my self are in rome. I have been going through a custody battle for about the last year. My son is 5 years old and i had him for the first 3 1/2 years until i sent him to his dads to recover from my addiction and restore my mental health… then he decided not to send him back. (Granted his father wasnt a part of his life until then and moved clear across the country to […]

I am laying in bed crippled by fear. There is nothing that can stop my brain from reminding me that I have something new coming up, something new to be afraid of. Why do I always feel like this? Scared, anxious… Hopeless.

Thoughts of “what ifs” and “what will happen” haunt my everyday movements. I can’t get out of bed, I won’t. It is just to hard. I am safe here, happy if I don’t let myself think.

Every little thing is hard.. If I shower, go to the shop, go for a stroll into town, will I get a panic attack? What if I do and I […]

It’s all funny because.. I’m so tired I’m probably delirious, right? And that’s what makes everything seem like such a big joke. And I’m sleepy tired, I’m emotionally tired, and I’m mentally tired. I’m tired of walking on the road of *life*, walking down one path until it splits between a good path and a vile one and I always take the latter. It’s not like I can even choose, it just happens. A friend of mine said he never believed in fate, and I whole heartedly agree. But I also so strongly disagree. Life is something you have control over. You make the desicion […]

I’ve got a date with a boy (it’s a miracle) but I don’t know when the appropriate time to talk about my depression is. Do I just throw it out there bc it’s such a big part of my life or do I wait?

if you believe planet earth is not spherical it is flat like a table then you are true

if you believe all Indian mythical gods created this planet it is also true

if you believe you are depressed that is also true

Each group of individuals has some believes and those are true

if you believe life is beautiful and worth giving a shot you are true

if you believe life is a ***** and planet earth is no more place of good people that also true

question is what is real fact?

if all people know the fact that ” human life is pointless and they all living as if they […]

Hie,i am new here.And i have planned to die.Or rather,planning to do so.I have read quite a few posts here,and i believe that there is a lot of frustration,self-unworthiness and bitterness amongst each of us.

I am an 18 yr old,just completed my 12th.I have been feeling depressed since,i guess,6th std.That was the time when my father came back from oman coz he lost his job.Since childhood i probably have been a girl with a lot of self-pride.Most importantly,i always needed validation from others as to who i am.I believe that it is due to my own weakness;my inability to accept myself.Anyway,so my problems started in […]

I’m a 42 year old woman and I have battled depression all of my life.  I have three serious failed suicide attempts that landed me in ICU.  I’m suffering from a clinical depression and I’m on four anti-depressants that are not giving me any relief.  I’m such a burden on my family that I don’t want to live anymore.  My mom has been with me for 12 weeks and is going back home in a couple of days.  I had to move back in with my ex-husband because I could not take care of myself.  I stopped eating because I had no appetite.  I feel guilty […]

It may be more accurate to say I’m looking for a soul-healer. I don’t mean anything religious, but back in the time of the ancient Greeks, people would go to a philosopher to discuss the troubles of life, the troubles of the soul, in an attempt to find meaning or peace or whatever. But in today’s world soul-healing is now psychology and falls under the purview of medicine and the law.

Ideally, the client/therapist relationship should be a safe place for the client to talk to the therapist about anything. I believe that the only way the client/therapist relationship can work is if the client can […]

My kid’s bat mitzvah is Saturday. My mother called and asked if I had heard from her sister. My aunt is not well. She had a stroke a few years ago and suffers from chronic depression and rarely leaves the house. So I said, “No. But I didn’t expect to. She’s sick. I don’t take it personally.” My mother’s reply – a very measured, well-rehearsed, deliberately timed, “Uh huh.” That “uh huh” was not a nod of agreement. On the contrary. It was the statement of her rage that I didn’t join her in slicing up her sister. It was notification that she doesn’t approve of my perspective — […]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=42MAk4_DBFc&index=44&list=PL_lfsNREdSwx5eGkEOsFse8sWdjwSUi-K

As the shadows assume
shapes
I fight the slow
retreat now

my once – very promise
dwindling
alas, it is dwindling

now
lighting new cigarettes
pouring more
drinks

it has been a beautiful
fight

and still
is.

Sorry for the double post; something got mixed up.

Hi all

I’ve been debiliated by a very strong fear of people for years that got worse and worse and worse, this severe social phobia then caused depression, then panic attacks and agoraphobia.  I’m now 24 and have nothing at all going for me. I can’t see any way out of my situation- yes depression plays a part in this, but my social phobia leaves me pretty much a selective mute who has been largely housebound for 5 years. I couldn’t finish education, I couldn’t work, I now have literally nothing on my CV, and even if my social phobia magically went away and I didn’t […]

I used to be a lively person. I remember it vividly when I was younger I was always happy when asked about where would I be when I’m older and those similar questions. It was the downfall of me when I failed the entrance exam into the most prestigious high school in my town. I always had a high expectation strolling right behind me and my parents. I expected myself to be able to do just about anything I could imagine of doing.

But reality hits me rock-hard. I wasn’t accepted into the school that my sister went to. My parents claimed that they’re okay with the […]

I’m so very tired.

Having battled depression for at over 40 years now and still feeling like I’m in the same place I started.  Alone – divorced after too many years of a bad relationship and now my latest SO decided that I wasn’t worth the effort and took up with someone else.  I’m unemployed and unemployable, my skills and my background being obsolete.  I make myself get out of these 4 walls only with the greatest of effort and my energy is nearly depleted.  I’m tired of fighting battles I can’t win.  I’m sick of feeling like the world is just rolling over me every […]

I just started this thing tonight. I needed a place away from everyone else. A place I could hopefully make someone understand but at the same time I hope no one does ya know? People shouldn’t have to understand what this feeling is. It nags at me constantly. Maybe I’m different from everyone else on here and maybe not. I dunno. Don’t care either. I wanted to kill myself when I was 30. That was a year ago but my roommate’s dad died a week before and with my horrible sense of obligation I tried to stay and help. But now? Now I’m feeling that […]

i shouldnt ask this retorical question….  but would you be mad if i killed myself?

to be honest, i think im ready.  nothing more will come of my life.  i wont ever be happy, ive realised….  so the is no point…

my goals just keep going to shit and i decide on something lesser…  to the point where i dont with to be happy anymore, i just wished to end the fruitless pursuit of happyness….  and now…  i wish i can end this…

i cant do this anymore and im sorry if i dissapoint you…  sorry if im wasting my voice or whatever you think it is that […]

I don’t know where to go from here. I’ve been a loyal and loving wife and mother for  6 years and I just feel like he’s ruined everything. I’m quite aware that I’m hard to live with and my rage is worse than a hurricane. I hate almost everyone and it takes a special kind of person to love me and apparently he thought that it would be easier to trade me in for a younger model. The problem there is that he’s figured out the grass isn’t always greener on the other side. I thought that I had buried this rage and hate months […]