this night is going downhill.

You know the feeling when you get dumped for the first time. That feeling you get where your heart and your head are in a vice and your on the edge all the time between crying. That’s how I feel all the time.

I’m years old 27, and I don’t have any clear path yet in mind. I have a job where I can work and maintain an apartment but besides that my life is empty, I wouldn’t say empty so much as void. I think of fight club a lot the part where he says everything is just a copy of a copy of a […]

I need a hug.

so i had originally set up to post about “the date” a.k.a the day of my death. but my mind wandered off sexually and its a bit of a nuisance because then my mind got dredged up into old memories with people with whom would agree would have been better in the sense of different if there wasn’t any more human communication or even the thought of connecting

I saw something on the net recently about sleeping positions and what they supposedly mean about your personality and what not. Now, I’m not the type to buy into things like that, but I had to have a bit of a sad, grudging laugh when I thought about it. My usual sleeping position was not listed. I tend to sleep on my back, legs together and hands folded neatly on my chest, like someone laid out for burial. I never really noticed before. Hah… I wonder what that says about me.

“Why me?”

“Why do I have to live with this pain? (mentally)”

“Why can’t I smile like everyone else”

“Why can’t I be happy?”

“Can I please die?”

My depression started in September 2012. When I applied for university in 2011, I got rejected which I didn’t mind first time round. Later on the year, I applied again in 2012, guess what, I got rejected. That’s when my depression started. I just can’t deal with rejections. My “friends” are busy with their university friends and their new life whereas I, stuck at home, hoping to go university. I have tried applying for jobs but no result. Any way, I applied […]

Still pretending to fix something now, as I have quite literally given up. However, I am a man of my word and I won’t kill myself until June 22nd. Only recently has the pain of depression (and yes, major depression can cause pain) been constant. Previously it has been on and off, but now I can’t shake it. I won’t have any regrets when I kill myself, because it won’t be as painful as my life is now.

This post is mainly for anyone who needs a read or something to carry on….

I’ve been battling with killing myself everyday for over 2 years. What’s worse is that the reason I feel this way is because of the shit from other people – some people are just nasty and hateful, I’ve been dealing with privacy invasion – I’ve had a lot stolen from me intellectually as well as emotionally – maybe that sounds dumb, but it’s true…. I ended up in the hospital once because I wanted to kill myself…. this isn’t a pitty post it’s to let anyone who reads it know they […]

Here I am, once again, depressed. Reality finally caught me and punched me hard in the face. But this time, I have nobody to talk about it. I’m so complicated, people get sick and tired of me. I mean, people don’t really care for me. And when there’s someone who actually does, I wish that person didn’t. It’s stupid isn’t it? I need help, but I push aside everyone who tries to help. And I say “tries” because I’m such a fucking mess and I’m the only one who understands myself, and still, I can’t figure out who am I. And if I can’t figure […]

Idk why but I wanna fight ppl not so ill win but so they’ll win

Just another one of those days were I want to bullet through my head….

Everyone is getting sick of me.
I’ve been in the exact same state since my breakdown over a month ago. I’ve made no progress. If anything I’m worse.
I’m trying so hard but I can’t move on. I hurt so much. People are sick of dealing with my weakness and I don’t blame them, I just don’t know what else to do. I need help pretty much 24/7. I’m a mess.
If I don’t talk to people, I feel worse and so lonely. But they’re tired of dealing with my issues.
I’ve had my exit planned for a while now. It’s all there and ready […]

I really, really cannot do this anymore. I can’t trust myself. I can’t survive my life with the etching of all this shit in my brain. It’s not good. Not good at all. I think I’m going to go back to planning my way out. This burden is too much for me. No matter how hard I pray for God’s help and talk to other people the guilt just keeps choking me.

Its over. I’m over. I don’t deserve to live. I’m a fucking failure to everyone.

Recruit.

The first album. The man to his death.
Abyssal, abyssal. I am the only one counting the number.
There is no number, here in this singularity.
Today, burnt away again. Army of Seraphim. I need to die. Take me.

The new age begins with the walking, death, and the white horse.
The ancient text, the journey to the holy pilgrimage. Death…. is a number.
I am an obliterated splattered rot. Transmogrification of hell.
Build me an iron mask. The warrior, to the fight of the story of the living hell.

We gonna be heading, to the Squatch. Did you hear about the Star-Child skull yet?

Hi, I’m a 15 year old boy, I’m currently a closet bi-sexual, and have, in my own way, suffered a lot over the years. For starts, I’ve had to deal with both mental and physical bullying my whole life, save for this year. When I was in 4th grade, I had only 1 friend, and when I tried to make a new one, this kid thought I was trying to take his only friend away, so instead of telling me so, he physically bullied me to try to get his point across. Every time he caught me talking to his friend, he would come up […]

Life right now is unimaginably amazing. Problem is with life is that just when everything is going great it will find a way to fuck you up. How to keep positive that it won’t? All the times that I have known life has messed me right up as soon as I thought it was going fine. All I can remember was that innocent little girl who thought that life is amazing then one horrible day when she was 12 years old found out how cruel the world was. Age 12 ran away from a rape and worst of all on holiday. These thoughts haunt me […]

I run today Litterely moving. The world through my eyes is cold. Full of dark colors. The air is crisp around me thin. layers of mist collect on my face under my hat on my glasses.  I hold my keys in my hands their sound as constant as my steady moving lump of body mass. I run. Its has been a long time since I have run and I can’t remember why I would do such a thing at the moment. 

My body jiggles forward my mind moves back in memory. forcing me to quite again to walk I keep moving. I remember wanting to die. […]

I guess lonely is the right word I’m a 24 year old male and literally nobody cares about me. All I want is to talk to someone . I hate my life.. I hate me. I really hate me.  I just want it to be quick I’m slowly losing my sanity cuz my daydreaming.. Or fantasy world is the only place I’m happy I know fucking pathetic.. I’m not good with pain and I don’t want to put my fan through funeral expenses like just feed me to the gators. I just don’t know what to do

My name is Caleb William Phillips. And yesterday May 22nd 2014, was my daughters 5th birthday. Her mother and I are separated permanently and she has remarried (common law) and lives with another man with his own children. I have a 3 year old daughter named Olivia Grace Phillips as well by the same mother. And these are my only two children and my only two reasons for living. As of about a year and a half ago things got out of hand when I put pain pills before my family. Chelsea left and took the girls as she should have. Several months later I […]

From everything that I have read on here most want a painless death. I do too. But I give up. It seems that the only options available are painful and dirty or gruesome. And I want death so much that I am willing to go through the pain. After all it will only be a few minutes. What is that compared to a lifetime of pain?