Considering that i never chose to be in this world why can’t i cease to exist?  Why can’t i chose to leave? People say that you should think about death and where your soul will go.  That there is a heaven and a hell.  But that’s so unfair.  I never chose to be here in the first place so why should i not be able to choose to be gone…forever…from any existence at all.  When i die i want it to be as if i was NEVER created at all.  I don’t want to continue in an afterlife.  I’m so so so tired.  Sleep used […]

Well I think I’ve finally reached that point.
I’ve been waiting and waiting for the chance to speak to you, to clear the air, to try and mend this broken thing you left.
The pain is utterly unbearable. It is consuming me, erasing anything that was left of who I am.
Now I am just pain and god it hurts so much and it just won’t stop.
I dread going to sleep because the dreams are so painful; in them you forgive me and we are happy again and it’s like I am made of air.
I dread waking up because the pain is instantaneous; […]

Hey there baby, you looking fine
again tonight like always
I’m so bad with these corny lines
but you never judge me
instead you stand far away and let
your vertiginous glory pluck at my nerves
ready to catch me when I remove
80 feet of concrete between us

Remember when we first met?
I was so young then and you were the same
soft shade of aquamarine that I feel
flling my nostrils and bluring my sight
Your presence a promise of an eternal
unbearable comfort hugging me tight

How much has changed since then?
Nothing at all, as you of course know
except that your […]

today i sat on my bed with 205 pills lying in front of me. all a combination of my daily meds. i figured if i took them all i’d probably die. i thought about which would be the easiest to swallow first. i sat for about 30 minutes with my death centimeters away. there were so many thoughts going through my head but one that kept repeating was “you wont fucking do it.” I figured there was a slight chance i could make it but i knew i’d have to get my stomach pumped. so i went on google to see how long i’d be […]

i hate this world

people dont care about our feelings, im depressed i would never off myself even tho everyone around me makes me wanna kill myself, i dont feel sad, i dont feel anything, we are saving our selves from this world, we are making the world a better place for everyone. i dont like it here but i need to be here there was a purpose to my birth, i just dont know what it is. if you get sad dont cut, right what you hate about yourself on a piece of paper then burn it, just burn it and you will never see […]

I’ve been visiting this site for a few months and seems like all of you are Americans?
We are always on the top of the list with the highest suicide rates but no Koreans or Japanese here?
I know it’s dumb question but I was just wondering

I hate feelings.

I want to go home. I don’t understand anymore. My life is full of happiness and love, I have everything I could ever want, I like who I am. I am strong in my religion, I have lots of friends and lots of people that love me. Why am I considering suicide? I’m on medication and I go to therapy. Why am I still anxious and depressed? I’m so scared. I don’t remember how to be happy. The thought of killing myself scares me, why am I still tempted? I wish I knew how to fix this. Right now, it seems killing myself is the […]

Life is messed up that has been pretty obvious to me, yet I still find myself hurt about it. I don’t know why I hope why I even care? I’m slowly shutting down, I care less and less about any and everything.This year has been the worst of my life thus far, I’ve lost so much and there is this aching pain inside. I lost family and friends and a significant other all in a matter of months back to back. There is literally nothing left in me not a damn thing I wouldn’t care if my own family died if what little friends I […]

Do you think it’s worse to feel sadness all the time or to feel numb all the time?

I’m still alive. Miracle I can do what I do and function. This is pure pain, and we don’t sleep forever when we die. I’m scared.

I want to believe in someone, I want to believe in something, I want to believe that I can love again.

Ive always felt alone since I was a little kid. recently i lost my job, car got repoed, bills piling up, girlfriend left me, no one talks to me. ive lost 40 lbs over 5 months from not eating. I have a 12 year old son who idolizes me and hes starting to act like me, sad.
I was “happy” last year the world looked good.

What darkness descending on this island.
Emptiness closing round.
Inner emotion,
Racing.
Aching.
Gnawing chaos,
Firm order but now threads.
Darkness beckoning, calling, screaming…..
No seed awaiting lights warm embrace.
Cold.
Dark.
Empty.
Island sinking, darkness encased.

I have had suicidal ideation since I was 9 or 10. I believe it is largely due to being raised by two people who pretty much daily let me know that I was unwanted and a tremendous burden.  I hesitate to suck on a helium tank because I’m told that it would irreparably harm my 13 year-old daughter. I am 50 years old and cannot grasp that I matter that much, never having meant anything to my parents except to be their emotional punching bag. Sometimes my empathy is crippling, but on this point I just don’t get it.

Music isn’t helping me at all right now…..but I hope the tune I’m listening to at the moment distracts you guys for a little while. The lyrics here are quite nice. Enjoy.

I need to find a way out, out of this existance.

I’ve been living in a foreign country for 8 years. I have no friends of my own. I have a successful job, 3 beautiful kids and the person I’m married to has never understood me.
Enduring her verbal abuse on a daily basis directed at myself and my kids. If I intervene for my kids it explodes into a violent confrontation with me on the recieving end. I feel guilty everyday for not doing more to protect my innocent children.

I’m sick of having my kids see me so disconnected, silent, and unable to do more […]

I’m quite isolated from other people my age; I’m shy and feel uncomfortable around other people quite easily. I never go out and do things with friends. I have casual friends who i talk to at school, I have no real “good” friends who i regularly see out of school.
I used to get depressed quite a lot, mostly last year though. I haven’t really felt depressed in two almost two months now, though suicidal thoughts are a constant threat.

I am almost finished school, and I catch up with friends most days. But once I get home or they leave, I just feel empty. […]

It’s not the first time
My family has caused these thoughts
The thoughts of jumping
They wouldn’t care
They don’t care
They never did
They never will
They’ll never love
They’ll never care
Regardless of what people say
My family doesn’t love me
They glare at me
Wish I was better
I’m not good enough for them
I have the wrong taste in music
Disgusting fashion style
The way I think is awful
All they ever wanted was a perfect daughter
They got my sister
But then the mistake came
Me
And now they can’t live with me
So they hurt me
Glare at me

I am so pissed!!!!! My sister and I had an argument and she decided to slap me across the face. I want to just slap he and crush her head in. But if I do that then I’m the one in trouble and I cant do anything about it. I’m suffocating in this house and the only final escape is death.