I feel like I need to tie up any loose ends just in case…you know? I want to be “prepared” as possible if/when I decide to pass on.  Just to make things easier on people. I don’t know. It’s weird. I’m not saying goodbye yet. I want to try to start distancing myself so the damage is lessened.

For so many years of my life music has always been my remedy. Listening to piercing lyrics of goth songs, I felt I am not alone in these world with these dark thoughts. About two years ago it just stopped working for me. So now I am on my own, keep plyaing a role of a happy person for outside world and slowly dying inside. Moving along through a day, I try to keep myself busy so I won’t have time to think. But just like a predator it always attacks me in the most unexpected moment- on the bus, on my way to a […]

She’s right, whatever her name is

We had a deal.

I hid from the pain

And she took my place.

What if I don’t want to be numb anymore?

What if i’m tired of not feeling anything?

No happiness,

No sadness,

Nothing at all.

She was my shield for many years

She protected me from the horrors of this world

Now I relieve her from her post,

But she doesn’t want to go.

She clings on to me

I can find no way to get her out of my head

“Fat”, “ugly”, “worthless”, “useless”

She knows all my weaknesses and faults

And all she does is point them out.

She moves my arms and legs sometimes

I’m her puppet.

No matter how hard I try […]

I can’t get out of my own head.

All the things I used to care about I don’t anymore. I used to care about working with youth and becoming a teacher and Changing someone’s life. Now I’ve dropped out of teaching school and my extra curricular activity working with youth.

I feel very unimportant in all aspects of my life. My hours at work got cut, now that other people have been hired I’m not important at work anymore. I stopped going to youth as my importance there dropped off. I used to do lectures there and now I’m not asked to do that anymore. I don’t know […]

Can someone talk with me on here? Like on this site? We can talk about whatever, i just want conversation i guess… Im going to try and talk, though im tired, and my brain isn’t working right (cause it just is, not cause im tired lol).

you come
crying
and eating
growing
your halo of gold
i take it
i steal you away chil’
to my palace
in the darkness
i shape you
molded clay
becoming
red and black
devil chil’
you are mine
now go
out into the sun
into the moonlight
break them chil’
tear them
kill their babies
poison their water
burn their crops
break the glass
shattering
make them crumble
give them
infernal fire
watch
as they turn to ash
go forth chil’
leave your chocolate behind
and become the devil
this world will end
you are
darkness
my creation
burn them all

OMG, i joined this site 2 years ago, and at first everyone was so supportive and caring and month by month everyone is becoming judgmental the amount of judgment ive gotten in two days from people on here is insane. i post a picture of myself. i give out my number for people to contact me. WHY IS IT THAT BIG OF A DEAL!? i see others on here do it to. so why are we attacking me?!? what is so special about me that i dont have the right to post what others do. SORRY. im going to post what i damn well please […]

I think suicidal people should be taken to an island or just isolated away somewhere, where we can live in peace and harmony with each other, rather than be abused by our current social surroundings or Doped by are so called helpers the psychiatric warlords. We are not mental or sick, we just don’t have options, and because of this we would rather Die than suffer, we would rather die than degrade ourselves by conforming with the modern Era.

So there.

p.s i should probably say thats just my opinion not necessarily the opinion of any other sufferers. xPeacex

I watch, with dry eyes, as my freedom, my one true escape from despair, burns before me. The fire roars and crackles, spitting out white sparks wildly and furiously. I feel my eyes turn pink and my skin dry and tighten as the remaining happiness lifts from my body, like the heat rises from the flame. I try to grasp my freedom, and save it from the torturous fire but my fingers blister and burn with the slightest touch.
Why must this happen to us? Instead of being strong and fighting for my freedom, like the majority of others, I give up after the first […]

How do I change my profile picture? And are there any chat rooms on this site?

The deeper I cut,

The more I cut deep.

Deeper and deeper I cut. 

The more I cut,
The more often I cut,
More and more I cut.

The more scars I have,
The more fresh cuts come,
More and more fresh cuts come.

When there’s not enough blood,
I cut deeper and more,
Deeper and more I cut.

When my cuts stop bleeding,
My head starts spinning,
Slowly, slowly I die.

My eyes see blurry,
My eyes see nothing,
Nothing, nothing I see.

I lie down on the floor,
On the hard cold floor,
Cold, cold is the floor.

My heart pumps fast,
Not long will it last,
Fast, fast my heart beats.

My body feels heavy,
And then it feels light,
Up to […]

Existential depression is deadly. Once you start thinking about it there’s No Getting Out. If you figure it out how to come out of it you are a hypocrite.

If you are in that situation what is the right time for suicide?

Isn’t it stupid to live knowing the fact that you die anyhow ?

this is me. ive changed so much learned so much. been through so much. ive tried more suicide attempts than i can actually count. everyone goes through shit. everyone feels like theres nothing left in life. but thats okay. everyone is stronger than they think. and thats why ive been on this site for 2 years, come so close to death a few times. but maybe im still here for a reason? were still here for a reason. sadly, life’s complications push you down, i […]

i love talking to people and listening to anything that’s going on.
text? 208-901-7161 🙂
kik? feel_alive

message me anytime 🙂

Hope all of you are able to have a good day today. I’m going to try to act normal as my mother is already in a bad mood for some reason and I’m in a bad mood and if I show any sign of anger I get chewed out.

anyway, to those of you whose mother’s have passed, rest in peace and I hope you can find some joy in the day.

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