Well today was a terrible day. Started off good enough, I felt real for the first time in a while although I’m still hearing what people say repeating in my head, idk what that is, but anyway, I told a joke in school, a joke I won’t talk about but I’ll just say it got taken out of context, and of course the dean of students or whatever the hell you call him and now I’m going to have to deal with this shit. Of course it’s on the fist day I feel real and am starting to wish to continue on this happens. Fuck […]
Sometimes I wish I was a robot. I mean, damn it’s like my body is PMSing non stop. One minute I’m alright and then the next I want to kill everyone in the house and then myself.
Just shoo anxiety, shoo depression. Scat, get away! Before I get the rolled up newspaper and start beating my head with it. Like a fly on the wall.
Screw meds, we need a new form of flyswatters….. mentalissueswatters
I have competed come off all my medications. Wellbutrin, cipralex and seroquil. I was monitored by my dr as I need to know if I am feeling is way because it who I ultimately am or if the medications had any negative effects. I believe that medications awe necessary for extreme circumstance but let me tell you the withdrawals from these meds that are supposedly meant to help are hell. It took over a month to even start to feel a tad normal. I was shaky, dizzy, nauseous, I couldn’t control my body temp, I’d sweat one minute freeze the next. I had insomnia and […]
Why are we alive? What is the meaning of living? What keeps you alive?
Its wierd i was fine this morning then now this afternoon i feel totally depressed very minor thoughts of suicide and how much easier it would be if i didnt have to worry about anything anymore.
the thing that makes me the most depressed it that i have nothing going, im 22 and i have nothing going for me no career started no plans and no matter what i try to do i fail at it, i tried to take me EMR which is my Emergency Medical Responder so i could work on the Oil rigs as a medic, but i failed the mid term as […]
You know what I hate so much? When people know that a person is suicidal, self harming, or even really just feeling down, and some asshole thinks it’s alright to push it even deeper. When I was in 7th grade, I was suicidal. This girl was talking shit behind my back about how she was only pretending to be my friend. That- ugh! It’s horrible! Even now, I’m dealing with depression, suicidal thoughts, self harm, and anxiety. And I still get that kind of bullshit! My cousin, knows that it irritates me when he hits me. He hits me on my upper arm, which is […]
Lately for about 1month and a half I’ve been feeling really disgusted with myself. Nothing about me pleases me. I think I really hate myself . I’m really fat and really ugly at least thats what I think. My friends and family think otherwise but no one actually understands me. Â If im not a hungry kid in africa or I can walk move and do other things most people can’t do I cant have no type of problems. Â I know I can try to change how look but its a lot harder then you expect. Â I can’t stand to look in the mirror it hurts […]
I miss myself.
Why are you lost?
Reaching out, touching empty souls.
The wind blows, takes you away.
Close your eyes. Listen. Wait.
Feeling sleepy,
PURPLEPAIN
It’s crazy to think that for 17 years the man I call daddy isn’t even my biological father. You both claim you weren’t trying to hide it or lie to me but honestly I could care less what you say. You did lie. You hid it from me. You hid him from me. The man I call daddy doesn’t have my blood in his veins. It all makes sense though, why the postcards were never signed “Daddy or Dad” but instead with his first and last name. I was little so I never noticed. It shouldn’t have been such a shock, all the clues and […]
I would really appreciate it if you took the time to read this and hopefully leave a comment suggesting what i should do.
So, me and this guy we were in a relationship for about 2 months, the shortest relationship ive had in all honesty. The relationship was amazing and i fell for him so hard so quickly, and then he left without an explanation. However, he never actually left, we still contact each other every day and we speak like we used to. Even though we’re not in a relationship it feels like we are. He told me that the reason […]
i feel a crying jag coming on for no particular reason. just really sad today. i am pretty sure i took my meds this morning though my memory sucks when i am in this state. i wonder what it would be like to not take meds. just be me au naturale. i suppose i would just fall further into the abyss. though at this time i question whether there is much more to fall into. my suicidal thoughts are all encompassing. i see my death in everyday things. falling down the stairs, crossing the street, cutting up vegetables, burning myself on the stove. when i […]
I cart take much more  I cart even cry anymore I’m num but no longer afraid as I know it’s a matter off time to I ended it
please, anyone here that is even suicidal or slightly suicidal, or even not, or just needing someone to talk to, please send me an email. I want to be a friend to you and to try to offer you advice for a blessed life. I am not so old or wise, just 22, but I am pained at reading so many of these posts and I have it in me to be encouraging. I am not acting like I am some kind of suicide hotline but I know those hotlines cannot help to fill the void. please give me an opportunity to encourage you and be […]
So far my day is okay. Hope all of yours is too. Hoping it stays that way. My mood likes to fluctuate whenever it sees fit so I’m just going to listen to some mellow music and maybe daydream of something nice…like walking the beach with a future soul mate or laying in the woods listening to the birds. Also, random I know, but my backyard smells awesome because I just cut the grass yesterday and I love the smell of fresh cut grass.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y5P7tD15whU
So….I have never really added my own post, so I am a bit nervous about the response…thus bare with me! I am currently off to work…another morning and day of survival! Over the past 10-12 years I have been struggling and suffering with depression, borderline and suicidality. I have been in intensive therapy programs and have a therapist who is amazing, yet I have been still feeling a bit off and at times hopeless. Everyone is so supportive on this blog and it’d be great to meet or chat with someone living in the same area of Massachusetts, who has been struggling with the same […]
I’ve  always know that I’m not destined to be here, As  long as I can remembered  I’ve not fitted In school,college,work,peers and family. I don’t feel like I belong, It does not help that my life as not be the easiest off ones, no one really gets me I don’t  really blame them. Who would want to get  love or care for me I’m worthless I’m better off removing myself form this world. I’ve tried to end this endless pain on a couple off times I’ve been unlucky to be find on all off the occasions. Some would say that its not my time I […]
I have lost a wife, a son, a mother and most recently a soul mate. I’ve had severe depression for 6 years, for the last month I have done nothing but plan my exit.
I’ve had two attempts in the past, in 2009 I couldn’t step off a long drop hanging I had well researched and constructed, I just wasn’t ready to do it then. About 2 weeks ago I took an overdose of paracetamol which was unplanned and failed due to consuming a large amount of alcohol in a short space of time and vomiting undigested pills.
I have committed to ending my life but have […]
Hear, a lost sound. Here, in the world. Tell me, what do you hear.
Me, what can I say; I, blood of stigmata. A victim and a “White lighter.”
A world possessed by the black side of man’s heart.
Getting too deep. A broken horse. The abyssal reach, unreached. The world shall fall.
Our generation shall see. Sitting. Nothing matters. A dying rebel, unable to pray.
Within. A non-existing cosmic brilliancy. Oh, celestial. Why, me.
What will be the miracle on the first page. For I, am only a horse.
My name, in chain.
“Chain,” was the last word. Nothing else to cling. I was wishing, for the voice of.
I’ve figured it out. Don’t you see the truth? this life is pain. there is pain, and then there is less pain. there is no pleasure, no happiness, no laughter. each moment is either a reprieve from pain or it is pain filled to the brim. don’t you see? if there is no life, there is no pain. every single new human is brought into this life being taught the opposite, that life is sacred, or its interesting, or that it brings more good things than bad things. its complete bullshit. the only reason that we have war, famine, starvation, cholera, shit infested water, rape, […]
technically not dead, visited the site a few times, saw some people wondering… resisted the urge to reply, until now.
SP events happened to coincide with an opportunity for some KB (note: this is what my age group calls good weed; it’s short for “kind bud,” which indicates that it’s not “just schwag” or “brick weed,” but is instead, properly grown and almost always seedless); after almost 2 years of abstaining, for what had become apparently irrelevant motivations, i reached my breaking point, and really wanted some. The sample i received, turned out to be… well, i can’t say it was “the best ever,” but it […]