I’m really tired of this emotional pain. I feel worthless and useless. Nothing I’ve asked for has ever been complete. I feel alone and abandoned. I’m old, married and have 1 son but can’t shake these feeling of self hatred, I’d rather just die, disappear, cease to exist. I fucking hate it
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Long lasting depression usually has a physiological basis. Depression makes us feel isolated whether we are or not. It can make us loathe ourselves and feel like we’re cursed. When we feel this way,, we often seek to protect those we love, from ourselves, -another reason why suicide can be so appealing. Not only does it mean an end to our pain but we sense the world (our loved ones) would be much better off without us. If it does not go away, it may help to see a professional and try some treatment. I know this works very well, for some. Not so well for others.
There are no easy answers unfortunately,, but a proactive (and as positive-minded as possible) approach is usually best. Maybe start doing stuff just for you. Make some new friends. Take a salsa class, -whatever you enjoy. If you have no desire for anything, I would try antidepressants before suicide. My brother said, they worked for him, (he said it was like turning on a light switch,, it just removed the darkness) they make some very mild ones today (i need this myself, actually). Good luck to you. And remember what a wise man once said ”It is no measure of health to be well-adjusted to a profoundly sick society.’ -krishnamurti
Thank you for your kind words, it is a darkness so very dark.
Same here. Old and all the hard work I’ve put in over four decades, being on time every day, coming in when I was sick, staying 12 hours for months on end, weekends, horrible bosses won’t even qualify me to work at Starbucks today. Worthless. The feelings of self hatred come when I compare myself to someone who “seems” to have it all together. You never know for sure what is going on inside another’s head.
When I think to myself, “I’ve worked hard, never stole, always did the best job I could, always paid my bills on time, raised my kids the best I knew how, in the best house I could afford. I did my best.” Then, for a while, I don’t give a crap what anyone else thinks and I feel ok about myself. Don’t compare yourself to others. Just do the best you can. Period.