I won’t die until late August, but this is the note for when I do. I need to share it.

My suicide note (In preparation for the inevitable. In preparation for the end of the story that has been embedded in my genes since I was an infant):

They say life is a bad joke. They are wrong, it is a good one. When we were little they told us that we were special. That we were unique. That we were all winners. That we mattered. That there is justice in the universe. That we were lucky enough to be born in the greatest country in the […]

I actually have two of these friends.  I am very lucky!

There should be a law that says everything is 50 – 75% off according to how bad the economy is. That way companies would lose a bit of money but ultimately gain a profit and another the upside is that the economy holds up….think of all the spending people would do? I wonder why things are unregulated now….”lobbying” (legal bribery) perhaps?

I really don’t know what to do I am

in a such a bad way mentally right everything is getting on top of me and I cannot cope with anymore shit. Every time I am in one of these low moods my parents blame and tell me to get over it, my grandma fellas to constantly pull myself together, my friend keeps telling me to call crisis and when i do I get nothing then he suggests I call Rachel or Jenny my cpn and mental health worker. I am in such a bad way right now I feel like actually ending it as as the […]

Are you proud of me now?.

I’m not gonna be here anymore so there shouldn’t be anymore trouble. This is what everyone wanted. everyone will be happy now that I’m gone. I’m just a waste of space. ill still be here with you, just look up at the sky and you’ll see the moon shining bright. i never wanted to hurt you. you weren’t the one to blame. it was to world and this awful race. I’m sorry but this just isn’t my place. Born in the wrong place, born in the the wrong time. i cant deal with all the pain, I’m not a fighter. […]

‘Ask him why there are hypocrites in the world.’
‘Because it is hard to bear the happiness of others.’
‘When are we happy?’
‘When we desire nothing and realize that possession is only momentary, and so are forever playing.’
‘What is regret?’
‘To realize that one has spent one’s life worrying about the future.’
‘What is sorrow?’
‘To long for the past.’
‘What is the highest pleasure?’
‘To hear a good story.’
— Vikram Chandra

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UVtPLBqjxGk

I am writing in this for the first time and all I can think is why? why is suicide bad, why am I living to write this? I should die, its not like anyone is out there waiting for me.

When you know how hard it is to drag yourself out of bed in the morning, then we can talk.

When you know how hard it is to even keep breathing, when all you want to do is stop, then we can talk.

When you know how hard it is to believe that life will never get better no matter what you do, then we can talk.

But right now, all I hear is noise.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q4VYzZVaSPw

Life should come with a disclaimer
“For entertainment purposes only”

Maybe means I don’t know
Maybe means I think I’m giving up
Maybe means somewhere deep inside I’m still fighting
Maybe means yes
Maybe means no
Maybe means goodbye
Maybe means hello
Maybe means everything

I havent posted in a few weeks but thats because i was getting better i made plans and i was supposed to be going to my friends 21st tomorrow but then tuesday we argued because i asked her why she hadnt replied turns out her friend was in hospital and she told me to fuck off ive sent her over 300 messages and she hasnt replied she wont even read them which hurts so much more shes one of the last 2 people in my life i care about now theres only one and she hasnt been replying either so im alone i have no […]

Hello my name is Annabelle.

I want to die so bad.

SO bad.

I’ve given up.

Honestly, I’ve come to the conclusion that everyone dies and thought “why wait?”

I got told by the only person who loves me and who I love that they don’t trust me.

So why wait?

I told everyone I even remotely care about goodbye and told them what I want them to have.

So basically

I’ve given up all hope.

I’m broken and at this point nothing can fix me.

I called the suicide hotline.

Me and the person talked.

It didn’t work.

I still feel as shitty as before, even more so maybe.

I betrayed the one I love and I can never […]

Home for a 3-day weekend. Last time it was a week and I was left entertaining and flirting with the concept of death. Anything, really, to keep from having to take part in the shameful charade any longer. You come home. We sit in front of the TV, we ignore and tune each other out as we stare listlessly at the screen for hours on end.

Is that all that life has become for you? Don’t you want to talk about anything of substance, anything at all? Why can’t you just be civil for once? Why is every word out of your mouth an insult, a […]

I’m alone. and maybe it’s better this way. I told the guy I’ve been in love with for almost a year now. to leave me alone. I’ve isolated myself from my family. I can’t even find the strength to get up and go to school for the last two days. I don’t want to go back on anti depressants. but I don’t know how to be okay right now. a part of me feels like it’s missing. I said things I didn’t mean but I know they were better to say then try make people understand the truth.

i still don’t want to live. i still […]

You know, I’m really sick

of people judging me

and thinking they know

who I am.

Just one

quick

little

glance

and an eternal

stamp

laces my soul.

Bi. Sex. U. Al.

You can say it.

I won’t mind.

My hand is as comfortable

in a girl’s

as it is

in a man’s.

My lips do know the touch

of a female

and they longed for another.

So what?

I’m not a SLUT.

I’m not a WHORE.

I’m not ‘undecided’

or just ‘confused’.

And they wonder why I

don’t believe

in their

God.

We were created in his image-

correct?

So then why does this

happen:

“Don’t tell the others,

but Daddy loves

you

the best.”

Is that who you worship?

“I love all my children

equally-

except for you.

You’re going to Hell.”

So here I go

with the homos

and the murderers

the thieves

the harlots

the liars

and in a way I […]