Tonight was interesting. I found out my mom had been married before, in college. And that my father was a complete pot head. And so was every other man my mom had dated before. And that my uncle was a very popular weed dealer in southern Arkansas. My cousin doesn’t know, but my uncle had been married before to a total ***** and he doesn’t want Natalie to know. I really don’t like secrets much less keeping them. I wish my mom hadn’t told me that because I will probably end up fucking shit up again. Sad night. Its actually pretty funny I wasn’t invited […]
As I’ve told you in my previous posts, I’m a nihilist.Meaning I don’t think there’s good or evil, morality, value, ethics and right and wrong, I think that all of this is subjective, and therefore cannot change any objective aspect, I don’t believe that anything like that is real, necessary or effective.Also, I think that the universe is indifferent towards our existence, our lives are but an ephemeral meaningless exercise of futility.Then I try to act indifferently.I TRY, but I can’t get rid of most of my emotions.Today was a living hell, this day couldn’t get worse.Everything simply went wrong, I […]
I feel like pretty people don’t get suicidal or depressed. Or at least they don’t as easily. I hate the world. I hate chance. I hate being ugly, and being alive. My friends are starting to care less, and therapy doesn’t help at all.
I had friends who I loved with all my heart. I moved in with 2 of them and my boyfriend. We were our own little family. And now. My boyfriend and one of my friends moved away. I try to keep in touch with my friend who still lives in the same town as me but she never gets back to me. Saying she’s working and then I see snapchats of her with other people.
Am I really horrible that this girl that I considered my family for so long would flake out on me?
I have no friends in my home town and I can’t moved […]
Love is a lie and I want to die.
Peer run – people like you and me, talk safe. Â Give it a try the one in my city is great.
http://suicideproject.org/wp-content/uploads/2014/04/To-Write-Love-On-Her-Arms-Time-Will-Fade.mp3
Dishing like the wishing well
Granting wishes but wishes never granted
It’s all i’m taken for
A ride through hell and back
To reality – I hope this isn’t some kind of spell
Binding pain keeps me trapped inside
Out of the frying pan and into the
Ready, aim , fire!
The smoke burns my eyes
Wide open spaces hold me captive
Audiences can’t turn their heads from the fight
To the finish! I run until my legs are broken
Hearts sinking, eyes flooded with tears
Blood and sweat […]
Every now and then I will find a cut that I don’t remember doing to myself. I can tell that it was self inflicted, but I don’t remember doing it. Does this happen to anyone else?
Sigh. I had some clarity! But now..
I just wrote a long post about my life this past month and why i think i have been having so many jumbled thoughts lately. How absurd life really is and got into whether my life seems confusing because of my racing brain or if my brain is racing because of the events this month.
But of course it all deleted itself before i was done. Grrr. Mushu
Life sometimes, i mean what are the odds? It’s like there is some invisible line on my “life worth chart”..or something. And every time my life value goes above it. […]
Atelophobia: the fear of imperfection, of not being good enough.
Today was great so why do I still feel like a worthless piece of shit? I worry more and more about weather or not I am going to kill myself. I no longer have a happy place to take me away from myself for a while. I feel it is almost necessary now to do it sense everyone is expecting me to. But the secret is I don’t want to die, I want to be happy. I want to wake up in the mornings with a smile and for the voice in my head to point […]
I registered that any more credible post is automatically sent to spam or deleted completely. I miss the times when this page was more credible and available about CTB. Â Any mention about inert gas or N or other are shredded aside.
Well, Fu8k you, when you keep the vulgar, Â the meaningless and the mocking ones and delete the ones with something to offer, that says the most about you.
Turns out, after like four attempts…
It still hasn’t worked. I can never pass out. I have no idea what the hell.
Fuck the world.
Did you ever wanted that every human being had a restart button and start all over again? well, that’s all i ever wanted since i start to feel this way, empty, usseles, no loved, but no, you need to learn how to live with it, you need to learn how to deal with every day, i don’t think i’m learning to, i don’t like this world, i don’t like my life, i don’t like anyone around me, Â I HATE THE FACT THAT I ALWAYS WANT TO FEEL LOVED, I HATE THE FACT THAT I ALWAYS DEPEND ON SOMEONE, Â i hate myself, but sorry, killing myself […]
Many human lives are clueless, at end of life “what you did with 100 years” finds no answer
Most of things on earth (god, rules, ethics, philosophy, technology) are developed by few confident, intelligent, strong humans
remaining all species really don’t have any clue on what the shit they living for
1. Not enough money for live the way we want
2. Even if keep accumulating the money with job doing, it takes a life to make reasonable amount of money.
3. Any how we die, why the shit we should undergo lots of pain to continue doing what we are.
that one reason is enogh for suicide
I’ve ruined everything. I destroyed all that I loved.
I’ve come to believe that I made everyone hate me.
Nothing can save me, because they wouldn’t if they could.
I made friends worry for me over my mistakes, it destroys me, and I know this is my fault.
I make my own family want me to leave, at only the age of 13.
They won’t admit it, but i know it. As everyone says, “actions speak louder than words.” and their actions show how much of a dissapointment.
But I cannot do it.
They will think it is their fault.
And that only will make […]
No regrets… just lessons. No worries… just acceptance. No expectations… just gratitude. Life is too short…
You might be sad because you’ve been through a lot, but you should also be proud of yourself for being STRONG enough to make it through it.
That moment.
That feeling.
That place.
You can feel yourself…
Alone.
Hot water
Running down your
Face.
Washing away the pain
The hurt
The filth.
The water pressure
Against your back
The feeling of both
Relief and loneliness
Every memory from that day
Running through your mind
Greif in your body
Depressed
The water burning the cuts
That is fresh
Overwhelmed in the moment
A place to be alone.
this is my first post here I dont even know why im trying its stupid all I want is to die ive tried overdosing and cutting but I just ended up in hospital and since ive been on these new pills all ive done is make things worse I ruined 3 friendships and my relationship I messed up
why am I here…I JUST WANT TO DIE and end this hell thay is my messed up life