Instead of cutting my leg or stomach like I usually do, I made a few slits on my wrist. Not deep….but I was satisfied with the amount of blood I drew. Fucked up, I know.

The thing is now it’s gonna be harder to hide. I think I’m finally getting my courage to go further to the vitals. If the rope doesn’t beat the knife to it.

Boy oh boy. Sorry if this is a trigger to any of you. I don’t even know why I feel the need to say this stuff.

I just don’t understand people’s fascination to live same as they can’t understand my […]

Goodbye world. Thanks for those of you who have helped me.. but I’m afraid there is no longer hope for me here.

Well, she slapped me today. I was about to punch that b****. But then my father stepped in and saved the day. Woohoo. What an epic love story! (I’m about 6’0″ and 200 pounds and my mom is 5’8″ and about 140 pounds so I could’ve done some damage) god I hate them. They don’t understand me. They make me so angry I literally can’t even see I’m so mad. What idiots. They should seriously not be parents. My god.

This is a long story, but, I’ll tell it. I’m 15 years old. I tried suicide numerous times. I am obsessing over a girl. You see, I started liking her in last year, and it started out as a physical attraction. Then, it turned into something else. The school year ended. Over the summer, she was all I thought about. If I was out with people, I didn’t care about what was happening there, I cared about what this girl was doing. I stayed awake most nights thinking of her. The next school year came around. I asked her out, she rejected me, of course, […]

I have been having those thoughts again.The bad ones.The ones i dont want.I feel useless.Unwanted.I just wanna dIE.Disappear.Become nothing.

okay this got delted so ill write it short and simple bullying. guys making fun of me and saying really mean bullshit. they dont listen to the teacher or me so….. i told them to stfu cause they dont know me or my story or anyone to be making comments like ah im so dumb i just want to blow my brains out like stfu you twat fucker fuck sake man. I told them that isnt funny they laughed. so i got up and punched the ***** in the face like the he is. and his other two friends two i told them that they […]

Thank you to the people who give me advice,, here on this site,, you have no idea how many times it has acted as some kind of wake up call,, but I think I should mention that I don’t reply because I don’t want to turn this into a facebook type feel,,, that probably wont make any sense to anyone but anyways… thank you- you know who you are…

Change starts from me and then we go from there,,, but what do you do when you keep relapsing into the old “suicide is the answer” routine,, its one that I seem to fall into quite easily,, […]

whenever i  get into really deep thoughts i always end up laughing. laughing at the absurdity of it all, laughing at the absurdity of my efforts, laughing at the absurdity of my suffering. i suffer because i am human, because i have to survive. had this survival thing not there i would laugh my way in and out of this world. all my reasoning regarding my suffering ends (i.e. starts) with this survival thing. my whole evolution is based on this thing. all my hate, all my animal instincts are based on this single thing. i think if we could somehow get over this one […]

I’ve attempted many times to better myself and failed. I’ve been an active person in the community, some failed jobs, and I’ve allowed alcohol to come into my life not knowing what would happen. I’ve tried sucide before but it didn’t work. And since then the feelings come back every now and then. Feelings of resentment, bitterness, hate and low self/family/community worth. And now I’m in debt, unemployed and taking up space. I’ve applied for an apprenticeship program and I hope it goes well so I can get back on my own two feet again. Thanx.

She was little when it started, too little.
Is nine too little?
She was nine when it started.

She was sitting on the floor
Of her grand Dad’s mobile home
Thinkin and thinkin

She looked up and saw fields of grain fly by, and her one thought, her single thought was,

“Open it. Open the door, you could fly too.”
She got up, she jumped up, jumped. Lunged for the door, lunged for the handle.

Her breath shot out of her mouth, and she inhaled deep, deep, deep, until she choked on all the air.

She was little when it started, too little.
Is nine too little?
She […]

Hey, what’s this?
Yeah, don’t be afraid.
Come a little closer.
I wanna see your face.
Lemme see you.
What’s this?

Can you describe yourself? I wanna see you in mind.Let’s meet sometime!.I’m the skinny guy, yeah that one next to the big guy, short brown hair, white as iceberg, misterious green eyes, few spots on the chin, walking down the street, nobody notices me, my inner sorrow you can’t see.
Just lemme see you.

What do you think about sex?
Do you want it?
Do you satisfy your sexual desires?
Your sexual desires, are they bigger than your suicidal thoughts?

I personally think that sex is something really irrational and disgusting, at my age (17) I think I’ll never do it.Naturally, I have sexual desires but I refuse to satisfy them.I know I’m going against my nature.I have suicidal thoughts almost all the time, but eventually I suddenly start thinking about intercourse and for a moment I forget that my life is a crap…actually I think that life itself sucks.
I wish I were asexual.

you go through each day like every other. you don’t smile, you don’t frown. you’re not in deep thought and you not I’m a conversation. your just listening in. you’re not with friends, you’re not alone, you’re just…there. someone hits you. you choose to ignore it. you got a good grade on a test. whoopee. not like it matters. every person that has ever hated you could start to love you. but you wouldn’t notice. every person in your family dies. can you tell? you don’t know where you are. but your not lost. your just wandering. one minute you have a dream. the next […]

missed work today and i hate myself for it. i couldn’t even call in, because i could not physically get out of bed to reach my phone. god dammit. what is wrong with me?
i am so damn sick and I can’t get the treatment that i need to get better. My current therapist is useless, and has misgendered me more than once. I can’t even go to a physical doctor without panicking that they’ll make me take my clothes off.
trying to treat one thing without the other things just isn’t working anymore. i dont’ even know what i need, but I need /something/. […]

Finally my baby is with me,

Prep all insurance, covered all form of debts.

Making a awesome home for him

Will spend all my time with him and leave with him.

Screw the Gods or anything resembling them.

It was my work, his effort, our promise that gave us some semblence of life.

Even its short i will live with him and follow him to the next.

Hopefully can be a father to him with a fully working body.

I just wish I can go back in time where happiness really did exist and where you didn’t have to think about smiling bc it just happend when you were truly happy and not having to fake it . I just wish I can go back in time where your sister was your true best friend and had that sister relationship that no one can break , where you told eachother everything and stood up for eachother And cared about one another . I just wish I can go back in time  when your best friends were really your best friends the ones you call […]

“What’s on your mind” what a way to greet someone a suicide blog haha.. I don’t really know what to write in this as I’m new so.. I guess I’ll start out by saying hi. my name is Kay (well that’s my nickname I want to stay anonymous just in case haha) Jesus I sound really happy or something when I’m writing this but I’m the complete opposite to happy which is what has led to me to this website. I’m an ordinary 17 year old from Ireland but I just have a lot on my mind. Right now I’m not in a good place. […]

Normally I would’ve put my poem here, but it’s too hard not believe it. Everything is collapsing. My friends are gone. My music is fading out. My happiness, which is my friends happiness, is slowly disappearing. I guess now it’s my turn. It’s been a long road. It’s been painful. How am I supposed to stay with all this pain pushing me down?

i’m probably the worst student ever. this year was going to be my first year in high school, and i was really excited about it. i thought i was going to get straight A’s and make my parents proud. last year, i got good grades, a 3.6 GPA. but i didn’t like it, still. even with a B, for some reason i wanted to go higher. but it’s two days away from the third quarter, and i have three F’s and five missing assignments. this has been happening ever since school started. i hate myself so much because whenever i come home i just go […]

Hey.. so my doctor just put me on this a couple days ago. I’m not really sure what to think of it. It’s supposed to help me with my moods, but is primarily given for seizures (which i don’t have).

So far i’ve been very jittery and shaky on it.  My anxiety is so high that i feel like i’m constantly having a panic attack ( how my heart feels).
I’m on a small dose to start.. 25mg.

Just curious if any of you have had any experience with this drug.. and what it’s done for you.. bad or good.