They say it’s a safe haven.That you won’t have to worry. You can always talk to someone. They are so wrong. Because there really is no place to be safe. But this place is the worst. You will be worried for years. Until you leave this place for good. But for now you have to go there each day and then go home scared for the next. People don’t listen here. They take power of your fear. They can completely ruin your life. You can’t escape it. Everyone goes. It’s a life sentence. Here is your hell.  Where your life can be destroyed. If I […]

I’ve met someone, I should be happy right? The problem is they are so far away, we both have confessed our love, but before I met them I was debating whether to commit suicide. Here I am sitting at my computer completely sad and alone, I feel like this all the time, but I can tell my mum how I feel… Can I? My friends are gradually getting more worried about me, but I am unable to talk to anyone every time I try to talk I end up in tears.

I don’t know what to do, no one I know can truly understand. I have […]

another day at this hell hole.

I don’t even understand why I said yes to going out with him. I know I’m not ready for a relationship right now. Hell..he barely even knows me. He is nice and all, but I just don’t know what to do. I just got out of a relationship 2 months ago and I know that I am still in love with my ex boyfriend. It’s not fair to my new bf that I am dating him knowing that I am still in love with my ex. I could try and get to know the new bf and maybe really end up liking him…or I could […]

Lately ive been spending the majority of my rime on the computer playing video games. Its the only thing besisdes drugs that actually make me forget that im me. I can actually be someone else in a different world. It doesnt make me feel so alone too. I know i shouldnt let consume my time but how much does it really matter? Im not really missing anything. Anyone else experience this?

My body is destroying itself. Suicide would only speed up the process that had begun the day I was born.

I have a chronic illness. On a typical day, I wake up feeling as though I haven’t slept, struggle to get ready for work, barely get through work, and have to crash as soon as I get back home, sometimes without so much as eating. If I’m lucky, the pain is at a 5/10 or below. If I’m not so lucky, it’s at at least an 8 and climbing the longer I push myself through a day. Apparently my 8 is a normal person’s 10/10.

Right now […]

i’ve been thinking about killing myself a lot lately. mostly because of my consistent failures in university. (and there’s also the fact that i’ve just been properly diagnosed with bipolar ii rather than clinical depression after five years of taking the wrong kinds of medication. that too. probably.)

if my petition successfully goes through – and my psychiatrist at school assures me it will – then this will be the second semester in the four semesters i’ve been at university that i’ll have medically withdrawn from. when i’m not in the middle of a depressive episode, i tell myself that school isn’t worth ending my life […]

One more time won’t hurt,

I’m scum, evil, dirt.

So many flashbacks,

Boy there are stacks and stacks.

Which one to think about now?

How about the one where dad called you a cow?

Reach for the box,

The box is heavy feeling as if its full of rocks.

Flashback to the last time just how much you were sick

And how you felt like such an absolute prick.

Remembering the pain,

What did that gain?

Stomach being pumped,

For what, just because you got dumped?

These thoughts just won’t go away,

As for tomorrow is just another day.

At work I’m supposed to fill out these safety cards, basically saying that I saw a co-worker doing something safe or unsafe. Theres a drawing where you can win a gift card and other stuff. Well, I’ve got to fill out two a week at least. I already did a “safe”one, so today I just wanted to get my “unsafe” card out of the way. Well, guess who I happened to see go outside without his orange vest on. What’s that? My ex, you say? You’re quite right, you smart cookie, you. So I write him up the card, give the info half to my […]

After my attempt a couple days ago I told my mom and she told me with tears down her eyes that it was selfish. That how can I do that to her. I have not once seen my mom who i love break down before so I sucked all my emotions in and with a straight face told her I would not try ever again. But I know its a promise I can’t keep. Distractions have been coming up I recently got into a relationship but I know I’m not ready for that I’m not stable but I just need something anything that will help […]

Hi, it’s really hard to bring myself to write this, but I need help. Every time I feel really down or thoughts that I might be depressed come to mind I just ignore it. I don’t really have it, yeah, it will go away. And it does, for about 5 minutes.
And I just feel so weak. I used to think that I was invincible when I was a child, everything was possible. But now, I don’t even have a goal in life. I feel empty on the inside.
I already did everything I wanted to do in life, I think it’s time.
I used […]

Alright. If I wake up in the morning then I’m going to be pissed.

I can’t stop feeling like a freak…
Everyone around me, including family, constantly make a fun of me for who I am… to the point where I meltdown… and all they do is laugh at me…
I constantly get abused emotionally and physically… For no fucking reason… and I feel like nobody wants me around…
What the fuck is wrong with me…? I’m really nice to everyone… and they still treat me like shit… and now… I can’t stop feeling like a mistake…
I can’t stop thinking about suicide… I tried hanging myself with an extension cord once… and I can’t help feeling like I […]

This life, which had been the tomb of his virtue and of his honour, is but a walking shadow; a poor player, that struts and frets his hour upon the stage, and then is heard no more: it is a tale told by an idiot, full of sound and fury, signifying nothing.
William Shakespeare

a lot of people say
that you cant
care about others
before you care
about yourself.
you have to care
about yourself
before you care
about others.
you have to take
care of yourself
before you take
care of others.
but i dont do that.
i dont care about
my life.
i dont care about
myself.
i just dont care.
i care about others.
about their lives.
their problems.
i help them,
bring them happiness.
but then im their
crumbling
breaking
cracking
more and more
each day.
i just dont care.

Who really has a good enough reason to commit suicide? Is one reason more acceptable than another? What if:

*your boyfriend/girlfriend/husband/wife left you?

*you’re sad, depressed, or have some other mental illness?

*you feel trapped in a hopeless situation?

*you have a terminal illness? (although life itself is a terminal condition. You start dying the moment you’re born).

*you had bad coffee this morning?

Are any of these reasons more valid or “better” than any others? If someone you knew was in the exact same position that you’re in, would you suggest that they end their life?

I think that people have a tendency to get hung up on “reasons why”. What seems […]

So hard to pick yourself back up out of the darkness when your depressed.   It is about the hardest thing to do.  When you have moved even farther passed that to the point you realize that life will never change things will always  be the way they are and have been it feels even harder, when you have no   hope  because u realize things will always be the same.

Its very unfair that people can do things that may permantly mess up your mind and never get punished for it.  They do real harm to your mind an walk away never understanding the damage […]

Expectations have destroyed me it’s hurts to be here anymore every one thinks I act this way for attention (and by every one I mean my parents) I’ve tried confessing to my parents but my Mom just yelled at me and told me it’s normal I should just get used to it but I don’t want to be used to this pain and unhappiness I’ve felt for ten years my dad took a whole different approach he threatened to take my doors off and get my admitted in an insane asylum I know it’s not normal the way I feel but I have no one […]

I feel hopeless. I’m failing school, all my friends have turned on me and call me a liar. I can’t sleep, I can’t eat. I do nothing but cry all the time. I thought I was getting better but it came back. It always comes back; this hell. It gets in your head and makes you unable to cope. I started to self mutilate again, something I promised myself I would never do again. I was clean for months, since October. I know it’s getting really bad because I’m contemplating suicide again. I have it planned out, exactly what I would do and that scares […]