All i really want to do now is go to sleep forever. IV always been useless and ugly. I am never going to get anywhere in life so what is the point in living. The only reason i am still alive is because my death would upset a few people to much. Iv let my mum down who brought me up all by herself and wasted her life to try and give me the best she could. People tell me im a lovely person but that doesn’t matter. Just want to be normal and not ugly and to have a tiny bit of success in […]

im crazy and sad. and alone. and scared. what do i do?

i tired of trying to make things work when you dont even try anymore.
ill iv done is cry
go to sleep sad
and wake up the same way
iv givin up
im tired
youv only left me with a broken heart and i dont see why im with you still.

Well I was busy and she was not, so she poked around found the key! Opened my hiding place, found two tanks of helium, I was smart enough not to keep all the components together, I scattered them in separate places, the regulator, tubing, and so on, she asked what I had those tanks for! I said for blowing up balloons, she said where are the balloons? I said I haven’t gotten them yet, I said it was a surprise! I was throwing a party! She said what party? I said well it wouldn’t be a surprise if I told you! Ha ha!  Little […]

Where do I turn when no one will listen?

The suicide hotline is of no use to me.

If I attempt to call them, I’ll just be referred to a mental health facility.

My family?

They don’t understand. I tried to talk about my problems stemming from my depression. Their responses: Why do you feel that way? Why can’t you get over it?

My girlfriend I could never talk to about this.

Even though I care about her deeply,  she doesn’t understand. I talk to her about this, she makes jokes about suicide and cutting.

So I ask,

Where do I turn when no one will listen?

I spend all day with belt tied around my neck. Desensitizing myself. Tightening just enough to feel rush of blood to the head. Preparing myself to make my death comfortable.

“Maybe if you go to bed you’ll feel better in the morning” is literally just the human version of “Have you tried turning it off and back on again?”

just came across this. wanted to know your thoughts on it because a lot of people get this kind of response.

well, still here.

Is this what you wanted me to do, to hurt myself again?
I think that it’s worth it
I’m not sure if I should be afraid, right now
All I know is this life is a lie you made

I will not let me go
I will stay here alone
You are what gave me hope
Now I have no home
But I’m not leaving

Aren’t you the one that pushed me over, left with all these holes?
I think you’re perfect
I can’t decide who was right or wrong, but I’m sure
With all these bruises blame, it must’ve been you

Hurt me harm me
I’m […]

The  weird curiosity of what would happen if I kept on living or simply shoot myself struggled within me until today.

I have been an observer for quite some time and I would like to share how depression influenced me into the right path.

At the age of 14 depression began showing signs.
I started smoking weed, having sex, drinking and cutting myself. I did what I thought would be best to numb an utterly terrifying feeling of hopelessness and emptiness. I was a lost introvert desperately trying to keep my head up but dove in instead.

High school was a living hell. I would feel miserable as if […]

One thing I would love, to make everything easier, would be if everyone forgot I existed.

Because then I could die without causing anyone pain.

-Mention one thing you would want to  make everything “easier”.

Nobody cares about what I’ve gone through.  It’s always “It can always get worse” or people just take pity.  Who wants pity?  I don’t.  What does pity do?  Nothing.  Having pity for somebody and genuinely caring are completely different things.

I’m entirely new to this.

I’m 23, and for as long as I can remember, things haven’t been quite right.  It’s not sadness, there’s no apparent cause for the way that I feel, nothing that makes me a particularly high “risk” for suicide, that is obvious from the sheer facts of my life.  I was beaten and generally abused as a child, but I feel at peace with that and have reconciled with the offender.  But, there’s this ever-present feeling of not-being.  This sense that I’m watching myself live, that I’m a passive spectator in all the things my body does, the words I speak, the […]

The feeling of failing a suicide attempt is excruciating because you feel worthless for not being able to kill yourself, which only pushes you to want to attempt again. Each time you fail, your need to die only grows and grows, and it feels like torture.

Hi folks:

I’m in a very tough situation, I have two trials pending and none of them will bring anything good to me. I could even end up in jail. May be for two years or more.

My idea is to CTB before it happens. I’ve practiced the compression method but it seems not to work at all. All I get is a swollen head feeling. This would be my only option in jail.

Meanwhile, I have a ******** tank here at home, waiting for me, but I never find the right moment to do it. My mum knows I have that ******** bottle, but the agreement is […]

It’s been a while since I came on here before yesterday, and my taste has changed and I can feel the zopiclone entering my brain right this moment so odds are I won’t be able to spell check. I was just looking for him. We never spoke much but I saw him around helping people and saying profound things and I really respected him and admired his impac

t. Is he still going? Is he alive? Umm.. wow, this stuff is more powerful than I remember. Shame I don’t get hallucinations. Anyway has anyone seen him? I miss him.

Dawg, if you’re reading this. We […]

i feel like i cant become anyting like there is no hope for me no future
it seems like im a dissapointment to everyone
why wont i be a good person and take my own life it feels like thats the way to go then i cant dissapoint anyone then i cant hurt anyone
the pain of my loss will fade, the pain if i will stay will be worse
the only reason im still here is for her the one person in my live, but she is 4000 miles away

the power of a single person kept me alive while the poeple near me dont […]

So it’s been a while since I posted but a lot has happened. I’ve been living in Germany for a few months now and it’s been amazing. I still have my job which I absolutely love. Finally got my flat sorted and I’m slowly learning to navigate this gorgeous city. I still have episodes and I’ve picked up a few tricks to help me combat them. Every day has been a revelation including the day I got the most amazing news a couple of weeks ago from my doctor; I’m having a baby! I’m so happy and excited and completely terrified. My boyfriend is taking […]

Im a 21 yr old man and have been suffering from severe depression and even worse social anxiety for about half my life. Ive been a victim to mental,physical, and the worst imo sexual abuse. The last 3 years ive really just wondered why im still here and whats the point when i just isolate myself to my room all day. I actually get kinda pissed somedays especially when im on a drug and alcohol binge and i manage to awake after doing a bunch of dope and drinking jack n cokes. Why does mental health care suck so bad? Ive been to numerous doctors,shrinks,etc. […]

… and it really helps with my depression.

I’m a 28-year-old living in Las Vegas. I was first “diagnosed” as clinically depressed when I was 12 years old; but I feel like I’ve been sad most of my life.

Up until recently, my life was completely shut down by my depression – I never got dressed, left my room, ate… there was some self-harm… I was consumed with thought of suicide and self-mutilation, but I managed not to act…

I entered out-patient treatment 3 months ago. On anti-depressants which seem to be helping… but, the real life-style change I’ve made is smoking weed from sun-up till bed time.

I’ve […]