Everyone getting under my skin, pushing me down.

For the past couple days, things were going so great, but now I just want to drown.

The tears stream down my face,

Why am I such a disgrace?

My whole world filled with so much hate,

Now I know this is my fate.

Everyone getting under my skin, telling me what to do.

They’re inflicting so much pain, but it’s what I’m used to.

Memories that can’t be replaced,

All my efforts gone to waste.

My whole world filled with so much hate,

Now I just need to escape.

Everyone getting under my skin, telling me what to say.

They tell me I’ll never do it, that I need […]

just spent the last 10 hours in the er. boy that was fun

I’ve been through this situation once before, I met someone and life was going great, things seemed to be perfect, we made it 4 and a half years, we were engaged since 3 and a half years. I gave her everything I am, I was in the military at the time, and I pretty much paid her way through college. After my contract was up I moved back home, I got a job as a glazer, things were going well. then one day on 4th of July 3 years ago now, we were going for a drive up the mountain, someone was stopped dead in […]

Yeah, everybody calls that a cliche.  Maybe you are not living for others.  But I am, and that is all I’m doing.

Oh, and here is a fennec fox:

I’m sorry I try to help others but I’m in the same boat!
I have my frustrations as well 🙁 it isn’t like it used to be 
The things I enjoyed have lost their luster!
Sex for example, yes I loved sex ok I love it a lot! But it isn’t like it used to be :(
The naïve thoughts, the excitement! Have lost the shine, oh I’m not saying I don’t enjoy it :)
But I’ve done it so many times this way that way, hell I belong to the mile high club! :)Try doing that today! Ha ha! Well I won’t go […]

No one cares until you’re gone

I really don’t know what I expect to hear, but things are so hard.

I don’t want to say I am depressed. I just act depressed, but I don’t think I am really depressed, because my daily life is not crippled yet. Might be heading there though.

I was doing just fine. About to graduate school, stressed out because I was going to go into the real world and get ready to find a job in my field. Loans were about to kick back, but my little part time was enough.

My boyfriend was with me, so was my mother, father, friends, co-workers, advisers, professors, friends of friends. […]

I am here for anyone that wants help. I am good at giving advice, and I’ve been so low in the past I strongly considered suicide. If anyone needs help let me know..peace, respect, love

It’s odd, but in reading about the middle-aged men topping the suicide statistics in the US and UK, I have fewer reservations. In reading about suicide prevention and the loss loved ones experienced, i’m not deterred, although the formula that suicide seems viable when emotional pain exceeds coping mechanisms makes sense, it doesn’t seem to fully cover it.

I know there are times when we’re overwhelmed, but today I feel clearer in my head than most (last night’s old Ambien?), and it just seems like a viable course to pursue. I may be kidding myself, but it seems like logistics are the bigger issue.

For […]

I just have to let off some steam. I know its not a proper post but hey. I have a mother, her name is Liz. She has single handedly ruined my entire life! I know were told to forgive but not in this case. She has stolen everything from me! So, MOM, I HATE YOU AND ALWAYS WILL!! In fact, you dont deserve the title of being a mother. I HATE YOU, YOU EVIL HUMAN BEING!! I will end up dead because of you and you wont mourn my death, not even for a second.

catch a falling star and put it in your pocket… save it for a rainy day…

I was always told this.. and through my life I have had plenty of falling stars to catch…

but now it seems like my rainy days are over powering my stars.. im getting thoughts in my head, feelings that I cant be free of, images that haunt me.

I just need something to save me from myself.

I suffer in silence but so desperately want to be heard.

Don’t ask me whats wrong because I wont be able to tell you- just know whats wrong with me and tell me it will be okay.

Tell me things will get better.

Things wont get better right? I mean whats the difference between this school and another. Whats the difference between this town and any other?

Whats the difference between the you you hate now and the you, you’ll hate tomorrow.

As much as I’d like to think things will get better when I get out of this country I cant help but realize that the problem is me.

me: […]

I may have missed something, I haven’t been on in a while and I haven’t been through many posts lately but usually his/her presence is always known. Does anyone know if they are still around here?

You do something wrong people shun you. You step out of line then they punish you. You say something wrong people ignore you. You dress the wrong way people gossip about you. You talk or act different people push you away. You stand up to a bully then you’re the bad guy. You try to be nice then you’re the outcast. You get raped then people say you’re the whore/slut. You’re parents don’t want you then people say you’re worthless. You show your feelings then people say you’re dramatic. You show your depression then they say you fake it. You finally kill yourself…. yet people […]

I was comfortable and the pressure was tightening around my neck and i fell unconscious and woke up with my arms flapping around, i was almost there.

for some reason. the music artist Eminem knows exactly what to say.
hes a roll model to me.
i dont care about his past. and things that he has done.
he just gets to ppl. (i think)
hes the only person that knows how to keep my head up
i just listin to his music and listin to see what he went through and i think to my self i dont have that and if he can keep everything going then can i.
he talks about his life. and how he gets through it telling you to keep your head up to. and gives advise!

if […]

I didn’t write this nor do I have the author to credit. It was definitely something I’ve pondered. Thoughts?

What would I do.
“What, if some day or night a demon were to steal after you into your loneliest loneliness and say to you: “This life as you now live it and have lived it, you will have to live once more and innumerable times more; and there will be nothing new in it, but every pain and every joy and every thought and sigh and everything unutterably small or great in your life will have to return to you, all in the same succession and […]

Yeah I’m high, and this probably makes no sense, but whatever.

Let g represent what I want, my goal, where I want to be in the future.
Let a_1, a_2,…a_n be the steps required to reach g.
The nature of g implies that failure at any point a_i results in returning to a_1.
Let x be the amount of pain I feel when failure occurs such that x @ a_i > x @ a_i – 1.
Let y be the amount of happiness I feel, such that y @ a_i > z @ a_i – 1
i.e. the closer to the goal the more happiness/pain that […]