I’m a lost cause in this world like basically everything falls apart for me like my friends on Xbox live have a problem with me for some reason and I didn’t do fuck all. Why does my life even exist like nothing good comes out of it and anything good comes into my life goes away too. My friends lives seem to be going good so good for them but I’m left behind I’m poor, short, skinny, disabled and no girl finds me attractive so fuck me right I just want someone to be with someone I can be happy with and someone who respects […]

I’ve been through this before. I thought I was done feeling like this. When I was in sixth grade, I stayed up late to slit my wrists as soon as I heard my parents’ bedroom door close. I cried myself to sleep each and every night. I had a boyfriend and I knew he loved me. Or as close as love got in sixth grade. He was going through the same thing. Except he had and addiction to drugs. Whenever he cut,  I would Too. I wanted to feel his pain. Maybe I thought it would cut his pain in half. I don’t know.

I continued […]

I’ve been fighting with my lover often lately and today he said that it might be best for us if he pulled the plug. The reason why I’ve been fighting with him is because I’m a complicated stupid *****. I don’t know what to do anymore. I wish I could change and I’m trying so hard, but it doesn’t work. The idea of killing myself came across my mind a few times and now it’s here more than ever. I need him right now, but he’s not here. I’ve been drinking and hurting myself … I wish I had the strength to stab myself … […]

That long dragging weekend feeling

all i want to do is cut vertically down my wrist and bleed out til i die. i’m nothing, i’m trash. stupid ugly dumb iguana looking *****. i’m nothing more than that i will never become relevant to anybody, and i will never accept myself. i hate existence i don’t understand it.. i don’t want to experience life beyond high school, being dead sounds better. the problem is i don’t have enough courage to kill myself, i’m too much of a coward to take the coward’s way out!! lol i’m such a joke.

Oh hey, look at that, I’m here again.

Great.

I was dating the perfect guy for me. He had faults, but I was crazy attracted to him and regular sex helped me get over my addiction to masturbating. And then he broke it off, over THINKING I had an sti, and not trusting me even though I was crazy loyal to him.

And that’s not it, I’m doing bad at school for the first time in my life. I told my teachers I was suicidal to get out of a test, I’ve never missed a test of my own volition. Ever.

I miss holding him, and cuddling, and doing […]

He’s the asshole. I stick around after all he did to me because I care about people, way more than I should. I get a message that he’s afraid he’d hurt himself, and I freak out and unblock all means of communication so he can talk to me because I kept thinking he was DEAD, and then I hear he’s all ok, just fell asleep and didn’t message back because he decided to play his damn computer games. I say one fucking thing wrong, ONE, and he goes batshit crazy, calls me all sorts of names (that I know are already true) and then says […]

you know how you try to say one thing, but mess up on saying it (or in my case, typing it) and the person who hears it (reads it) gets offended because of what you said? yeah, there now. I already feel bad enough that they took it the wrong way, now he’s calling me an “evil bitchass **** who enjoys his pain”. I don’t even enjoy MY pain. now I feel like shit, just when today wasn’t too bad

I could do the whole life is meaningless and pointless because personally in my eyes it’s true. I just wanted to express the fact as to how everything is so black and white to me now. I see people but not the faces its weird. I used to think life was so beautiful and just perfect but  i don’t know if its because got older or whatever but nothings the same.  I see the world for what it truly is which is such a terrible and horrible place ( in my eyes) but, iv’e recently made plans for suicide and if all goes as planned […]

Okay so i’ve dealt with depression for most of my life.. but more recently it’s gotten worse and i’ve been fairly suicidal for a month. Anyways.. in the past month or so i’ve been told things, advised things, suggested things… and i keep wanting to scream back at them with frustration. So here is my rant, maybe some of you can relate.

1.) Maybe it’s just a seasonal depression, lots of people get sad during winter. -No.. last time i checked i’ve had this for most of my life and the weather should not make someone suicidal

2.) If you’re ever feeling suicidal or thinking about making […]

Thomas S. Szasz said: “Suicide is a fundamental human right. This
does not mean that it is morally desirable. It only means that society
does not have the moral right to interfere.” Do you agree?

im CheshireCatMadness and yeah im not gonna be bothered listening to all that it will get better stuff because it wont. Anyway when i was eleven i tried to take an overdose of sytraline anti depressants but i was a coward and my mum caught on and i was rushed to hospital. im not gonna mess up this time… if i take an overdose on sleeping pills i’ll be asleep and i wont feel death. its important that its quick so i dont have regrets and painless and easy to get hold of. i dont wanna wake up and im hoping i wont feel any […]

what bothers me is that there are so many people in the world. so many people are depressed. so many people cut. so many people have lost someone they love. so many people have attempted suicide. so many people have gone through with it. so what makes me any different?  if I killed myself tonight, why would it matter? I’m one of many so it wouldn’t cause any damage. the world wouldn’t stop so why dont I just do it? how much damage will really be done? not much. the thing is, I’m scared of what will happen if I don’t go through with it. […]

I want to get out of all this pain… But for some reason i still hang on some hope and have been here longer than i thought. I will go soon… Could b tomorrow, next week, a month… Idk. Why do i still hold hope even though i know things (health) wont get better and i cant live my life like this. I had a great ride, and whats so wrong about ending it and not living through a painful life?  Any thoughts ? Btw i think its everyones own right to do what they want with their livez, live or die.

“Imagine a happy group of morons who are engaged in work. 
They are carrying bricks in an open field. 
As soon as they have stacked all the bricks at one end of the field,
they proceed to transport them to the opposite end. 
This continues without stop and every day of every year
they are busy doing the same thing.
One day one of the morons stops long enough
to ask himself what he is doing. 
He wonders what purpose there is in carrying the bricks. 
And from that instant on he is not quite as content 
with his occupation as he had been before. 
I am the moron […]

There’s a fear inside of me that is ripping to get out. My heart races with every thought, my head pounds with the urge to shout. I am not in control and I don’t know how to find it. I’m living in a world where my reality is blinding. Manic and hyper I can’t satisfy the urges. I’m up and down an all around hurting. I’m dying on the inside and smiling on the out. I’m a great actress to show you what you need to see but then there’s you and for some reason you see me. That scares me a I don’t even […]

I am lost. I can’t find my way. I’ve been gone so long that I do not even know myself. I hurt constantly. My body aches with sadness. I am empty. I feel nothing but pain. All that I loved I feel absence. Feelings missing where I know they should go. Pushing through the motions to be normal. To appear sane. I don’t understand me, how do you think you can? I am a shell of a soul, eternally meant to suffer. I crave to feel again. Those moments never come. I am less and less a whole but filled with pain and sadness. I […]

I lay in bed at night thinking of all the words I didn’t say. All the should of and could of’s all followed by didn’t. All these words swimming in my head. The thoughts that never end. Regret fills the voids of this life unlived. A never ending circle of constant reminders that I am nothing

I have an innate desire to die. It is ingrained in my every thought. I feel as though I have no reason to live. I’ve suffered from depression for ten years and I’m tired that it never goes away. Through medication and therapy there is no cure. Life is meaningless. Time passes and I go through the motions. There is nothing left but to sit and wait. Trying to convince myself that things will get better or looking forward to things that don’t matter. Am I not just creating an illusion to give me a reason to keep going?  Once that goal has passed it […]

I just wanna be hot again so I could own the world