Okay so i’ve dealt with depression for most of my life.. but more recently it’s gotten worse and i’ve been fairly suicidal for a month. Anyways.. in the past month or so i’ve been told things, advised things, suggested things… and i keep wanting to scream back at them with frustration. So here is my rant, maybe some of you can relate.

1.) Maybe it’s just a seasonal depression, lots of people get sad during winter. -No.. last time i checked i’ve had this for most of my life and the weather should not make someone suicidal

2.) If you’re ever feeling suicidal or thinking about making […]

Thomas S. Szasz said: “Suicide is a fundamental human right. This
does not mean that it is morally desirable. It only means that society
does not have the moral right to interfere.” Do you agree?

im CheshireCatMadness and yeah im not gonna be bothered listening to all that it will get better stuff because it wont. Anyway when i was eleven i tried to take an overdose of sytraline anti depressants but i was a coward and my mum caught on and i was rushed to hospital. im not gonna mess up this time… if i take an overdose on sleeping pills i’ll be asleep and i wont feel death. its important that its quick so i dont have regrets and painless and easy to get hold of. i dont wanna wake up and im hoping i wont feel any […]

what bothers me is that there are so many people in the world. so many people are depressed. so many people cut. so many people have lost someone they love. so many people have attempted suicide. so many people have gone through with it. so what makes me any different?  if I killed myself tonight, why would it matter? I’m one of many so it wouldn’t cause any damage. the world wouldn’t stop so why dont I just do it? how much damage will really be done? not much. the thing is, I’m scared of what will happen if I don’t go through with it. […]

I want to get out of all this pain… But for some reason i still hang on some hope and have been here longer than i thought. I will go soon… Could b tomorrow, next week, a month… Idk. Why do i still hold hope even though i know things (health) wont get better and i cant live my life like this. I had a great ride, and whats so wrong about ending it and not living through a painful life?  Any thoughts ? Btw i think its everyones own right to do what they want with their livez, live or die.

“Imagine a happy group of morons who are engaged in work. 
They are carrying bricks in an open field. 
As soon as they have stacked all the bricks at one end of the field,
they proceed to transport them to the opposite end. 
This continues without stop and every day of every year
they are busy doing the same thing.
One day one of the morons stops long enough
to ask himself what he is doing. 
He wonders what purpose there is in carrying the bricks. 
And from that instant on he is not quite as content 
with his occupation as he had been before. 
I am the moron […]

There’s a fear inside of me that is ripping to get out. My heart races with every thought, my head pounds with the urge to shout. I am not in control and I don’t know how to find it. I’m living in a world where my reality is blinding. Manic and hyper I can’t satisfy the urges. I’m up and down an all around hurting. I’m dying on the inside and smiling on the out. I’m a great actress to show you what you need to see but then there’s you and for some reason you see me. That scares me a I don’t even […]

I am lost. I can’t find my way. I’ve been gone so long that I do not even know myself. I hurt constantly. My body aches with sadness. I am empty. I feel nothing but pain. All that I loved I feel absence. Feelings missing where I know they should go. Pushing through the motions to be normal. To appear sane. I don’t understand me, how do you think you can? I am a shell of a soul, eternally meant to suffer. I crave to feel again. Those moments never come. I am less and less a whole but filled with pain and sadness. I […]

I lay in bed at night thinking of all the words I didn’t say. All the should of and could of’s all followed by didn’t. All these words swimming in my head. The thoughts that never end. Regret fills the voids of this life unlived. A never ending circle of constant reminders that I am nothing

I have an innate desire to die. It is ingrained in my every thought. I feel as though I have no reason to live. I’ve suffered from depression for ten years and I’m tired that it never goes away. Through medication and therapy there is no cure. Life is meaningless. Time passes and I go through the motions. There is nothing left but to sit and wait. Trying to convince myself that things will get better or looking forward to things that don’t matter. Am I not just creating an illusion to give me a reason to keep going?  Once that goal has passed it […]

I just wanna be hot again so I could own the world

If it makes you scared go after it.

It’s been almost a year since I’ve been rescued from here. And I find myself sitting here at night again. Knowning no other way out that to spil out my heart on this place.

Why didn’t I just kill myself last year. Why haven’t I done it still.
It’s because I’m afraid to fail. I’m afraid to wake up again. I’m afraid that guilt will kill me if I do.. I’m afraid I will be too weak to actually commit. I’m afraid I don’t have enough know how.
The one thing I’m not afraid of is dying.

hospitals suck. that’s all I have to say about it

I hate it when someone who was previously “suicidal” says that suicide is selfish. Because, if you’ve ever been in that mindset, then you know that it isn’t selfish. You can’t just forget wanting to end your life. It’s preserved forever in your mind. No, you don’t just forget that feeling. And why would anyone say that anyway? Why would you ever insult someone who is at this point? You would never tell someone with cancer anything like that. Why is there so much negative stigma surrounding this?

So, I overdosed last Tuesday night and I was sick for a few days afterwards and I’ve had pains all in my stomach since. No one except a friend at school knows I tried to kill myself, and she didn’t think much of it and made a joke about it. That made me think I was pathetic. That I was stupid and pathetic. And that made me think of doing it again. With even more pills this time.

The shadow people are back again. They try to hurt me again. They hold my head under the bath again. I can feel them on me in bed, […]

Everyone has been told or at the very least heard the expression,”The world does not revolve around you.” What a concept.

It’s been documented that bipolar can bring out hallucinations during mania where individuals think they are God. I experienced a taste of this. When you consider that you are the only person in control of your thoughts, actions and memory, you cannot begin what it is like to be someone else. All you know is what you see and experience.

We are essentially in our own little world’s. Not one person can take over our perception of what happens through life. All there is to […]

I have a question to you guys. this analogy occurred to me two days ago and i’ve been contemplating about it ever since. the analogy is this:

what if a cell of our body become aware of its position and role and that how its work is used in maintenance of body. do you think the cell will go self-destructive after knowing this fact (because it will know that it is being controlled)? or will it keep doing its work for body?

i with all heart believe that it will go self-destructive. i have never been able to relate with anybody. i don’t know how i think […]

We are not the same, not you ,Not me .nobody will ever understand you, nobody. its you all alone on this thing we call earth.Life is a big challenge some quit earlier then others .Some get it easier then others but you can’t help what happens .Do you really even know what life is cause I sure dont.