Rivers stain you, rivers are damp

acid stains you, drug ps cause cramps

guns aren’t lawful, nooses give

gas smells awful , might as well live.

A locked door, a rusty razor, a towel stained in red.

A folded note, a broken mirror, and a young girl lays there dead.

Their emotions tangle, the room begins to swirl she was mommy’s little angel

and daddy’a little girl

People can just really screw you over sometimes. Each and every person is capable of being disloyal, dishonest, fake, or cruel. so why take the risk? If there is any possible chance that someone will leave or lie or whatever, why go to them for help?

Youre all you’ve got in the world.

Theres nothing that scares me more than the word “alone”. Whenever I hear this, my heart speeds up a bit. I think that’s my biggest fear: being alone. But I am. I can’t trust anyone but myself. And I can’t even trust myself in some situations. It’s terrifying. I am unpredictable. And maybe that […]

I think about it all the fucking time. It would be easy to end the pain, suffering, and self hate that I feel daily. No more depression. No more cutting. Just ignorant bliss. I don’t know what will happen but I do know it would be better than the misery I live now. I can’t live with myself. I am “living” in a constant hell and it’s killing me; it’s actually slowly driving me insane. So the question is how will I do it? There are so many different options; hanging, suffocation, drowning, slitting my wrists, overdose, jumping, electrocution and so much more. I’ve written […]

I don’t even know WHAT to feel. Much less HOW I feel

if I committed suicide…

I wonder how many

gasps,

cries,

screams,

tears,

or words will be spoken as a sign of love.

But them I remembered…

It’s 2:30 am and I’m

alone,

tired,

scared,

sore,

and silently screaming for help no one really

notices,

cares,

thinks,

shows any sort of affection.

if I commit suicide…

please don’t say you

loved me,

missed me,

cared for me ,

or found beauty within me,

or I should’ve tried harder.

Because […]

ever have those days where you don’t even know what to post, or what to ask for? you just kinda wanna button-mash and be done with it? well…

alg ;fj;aedaog;hhvgoihareh’po9u)(*^*%&KH;iohj;oiyauehiaf.

yeah

So let’s pretend that the pain I feel everyday is nothing.

Let’s make believe that life is totally perfect, and I’ve never been hurt.

And let’s laugh like our lives aren’t totally and completely screwed up.

So basically this is my first post and it’s going to be shitty sorry.

…buuut yeah, my name is Brianna and honestly, I don’t want to be living here on this bullshit planet any longer. I’m tired of getting judged by the music I listento, the clothes I wear, what I look like the next day, and so forth. My life to me is honestly completely useless. I wake up everyday feeling like a mistake, and that I should’ve never been born. I’ve been called names like slut, emo, ****, *****, and been told that no one likes me, I’m depressed all the time, I […]

Alone don’t describe how I feel. Even be married and have kids. Alone inside me is always there. Tears and pain the world don’t see. My hand full of pills for my body to seek. Tired and dizzy May this be the last. Sunshine on a darkest soul. Barely able to get out of bed. My thoughts are my worst enemy. The smile on my face is to hide my troubles. Walk around with no emotions left. Everyday is a brand new breath.

I just need a break. I so long for relief. The diagnoses just continue to pile up. Anorexia, Bulimia, Bipolar Disorder, Borderline Personality Disorder, Schizophrenia, Obsessive Compulsive Disorder.  Getting up the simple will to live is an exhausting task. The mood swings, the voices, the weight gain they’re forcing me to have, the constant abandonment of friends and family. They think they have it hard dealing with me. They have no clue. They don’t see my pain, only theirs. I feel given up on. I’ve given up on myself. I don’t want to die, but I just know that I can’t be saved.

Imagine :

your at the beach only you , you walk through the sand and turn to the ocean staring off into the horizon.

you feel this pull towards the ocean so you start walking in;

3ft. Calm cool collected staring at the beautiful sunset

6ft your paddling slowly wading in the water staring at the sunset still.

10ft your getting closer to the sunset seeing its beauty.

14ft you think how your getting back.

17ft you realize you can’t see the shore anymore.

19ft you wanna go back but you can’t you don’t know […]

I didn’t have a childhood; I don’t remember it. I don’t remember anything properly until age 13. I’ve heard stories; trips to disneyland, birthdays, holidays. I don’t remember anything.

When I was 15, a memory came back to me. A series of memories, in flashbacks.

I was four. I remembered all those times you left me alone in the basement; I remember crying so loudly that the neighbours called social services and I almost got taken away. I remembered that time you were on the telephone, screaming to somebody that you were going to kill yourself and me.

The last memory I have is of the day you […]

I just hope you still love me

After all of the catastrophe

We were once companions, I believe

I never thought I would cause you to grieve

I miss you, and I love you

I just hope you love me too

I remember the mornings you came […]

Yes, you’re the person I hate most of all the people in this world. I hate you because you ruined my life where you had the chance to make me the happiest man alive. I hate you because you make me cry every day instead of drying my tears. I hate you because you make me remember all the bad moments and decisions in my life instead of helping me to forget and start anew. I hate you because you hurt the ones I love most instead of making them smile. I hate you because you only think of yourself instead of others. I hate […]

I guess I’m just gonna list all the reasons I want to do this:

1. Let’s see my view on myself is a worthless piece of shit, I’m broken beyond repair and time is not healing me

im a person who is very self-destructive of herself its defiantly not okay.

2. I’m 13 fucking years old I shouldn’t have this view on myself but I do and really is it not sad?

3. I’m severely depressed like clinically diagnosed so I guess this was coming right?

4. I, a major fuck up and I don’t deserve to live […]

I had a dream once , that the gras was greener when I died

that the grass was greener On the other side.

but I came to find out that that was a lie,

the grass was burned on the other side.

Scorching hot and not remaining

My mind woke up no longer refraining.

I opened my eyes and there it was the

monster of lies, truth, and dispair.

I’m friends with that monster it’s my only hope,

I told my friends they thought it was a joke.

If your reading this now, know I’m not lying

and if I am I’m sorry Im trying.

OK.  So after 20 odd years of becoming progressively more miserable & incapable of participating in everyday life suicide attempts are bcoming more common.  A year or so back I filled a mug with a cocktail of every drug in my cupboard, including many of the different anti-depressants I’ve tried over the years & took the lot.  I slept an entire day & awoke incapable of moving without collapsing in spasms.  Spent the next 12 hours in hospital being constantly prodded & kept awake.  Told I’d taken enough pills to kill most people & was lucky.  Seems this method isn’t gonna work.  A short time later tried a […]

I hope it’s the same crowd of people. Most likely its not. It’s been almost a year or 2. Oh well, i’d like to continue my story.
I got pregnant in June. At the time it was the worst thing to ever happen to me. My boyfriend and I were fighting and I was thinking about suicide every night. Sitting on the bathroom floor with knees to my chest like in the movies. Bawling my eyes out with him only a room away knowing that he could care less.
I smiled when I saw the pregnancy test. It was all so bittersweet. I always wanted […]

So I haven’t really been on lately, because of family issues so I got my laptop taken away and such. Well, I did this thing on instagram where it was a contest for the best recovery poem and I didn’t win *tears*. But here’s the poem I wrote for the contest. Hope you like it. (By the way, it got weird and turned from 1st person to 3rd. So I don’t really know what happened there .-.)

My tears fill the empty hole in the floor, As I say to myself – please no more. The blade lay silent on the bed, rusted and my blood […]