its not my fault i was born this way. its not my fault this has happened to me. im so sorry! i have tried so hard. it doesn’t matter. i am letting down those who i love the most. i cant live like this…

I’m supposed to be sleeping but bleh. I hate these nights when all that goes through my head is how bad I am, that I am simply a waste of a human being. The people I would call my bestfriends based on others’ definition are people who I can’t vent out on. I can’t tell my family because they won’t even care. How I act is completely different from how I feel, appearing to be bubbly and weird in a funny way. I don’t know how they will see me in this state and how I will be treated. I like to think that I’m […]

Try this works too!!!

hey this works try it!!!!

My boyfriend and I have been fighting a lot lately. It’s always my fault. I get mad at him for no reason. But it feels like a reason to me. I’ve been thinking about it lately. I don’t know how I feel about him anymore. We loved each other before. He still loves me. I haven’t been able to tell him whole heartedly that I love him in weeks. I told him tonight I don’t even think about hanging out with him anymore. I didn’t tell him I can’t imagine a future without him. I don’t know what to do. He asked me to marry […]

A serious suicide attempt is not a cry for help.

It is a cry that started when we emerged from our mother’s wombs.  How happy did any of us look then?  And the sickening thing, the beaming smiles on the faces of our owners, I mean “parents”.  How greedy parents look when that new child emerges.  “You are mine”, they cry, “mine forever”.  And how the child screams, shrieks and squirms to get away from them, to get away from all of it.  All of it a grotesque, bloody, display of ownership and enslavement; a foreshadowing of what is to come.

A suicide attempt is a cry for freedom from […]

I may not be suicidal but i do get depressed because of my lack of motivation and my fear of the future and this is what i like to listen to. So i made a playlist with some music that is nice to the ear and yes i know its hip hop but these songs are not the normal type you see its deep and all about the soft beats and the lyrics. Its poetry with beats. I feel like theres alot of rock and i wanted to put in something diffrent. Do me a favor and atleast listen to The Book  Of soul. Thanks people […]

The thoughts came on fast. This was about 10 minutes ago. They have never been this strong in my life. Usually I don’t break down and cry when I have suicidal thoughts but this time I did. I just started thinking about my childhood and playing on the beach with my mom and watching my dad sit around in the ocean. I remembered the small irrelevant things like the one time I fainted when my mom was brushing my teeth. Then I pictured myself now. Actually considering dying. It seems so surreal. Thinking about never being able to touch water again. Never being able to […]

“Yeah, the whole thing begins, and I let you sink into my veins, and I feel the pain like it’s new.”

I ‘ve tried and tried to forget. the pain. the tears. the laughing. the smiling. the places. the memories. you. And no matter what I do or say, I can’t. I miss it all, every second and day of it. I miss how close we were. Now it’s just gone, without any explanation. Not even a good-bye. I put away all the things you gave me so I wouldn’t be as reminded of you. It helped for awhile. But then I took out the letter…. […]

As I walked home today, I realized that me–and people like me–are like lonely rocks that sit unmoved in a river. Allow me to explain.

Imagine life and all of it’s interactions–people growing up, becoming influenced, learning, meeting other people, having kids, influencing the world–all that stuff. Imagine all of that as a body of water, or in this case, a river that flows and travels in a certain direction. Kind of like how most people are; they just go with the flow and as a result, they are rewarded with being a part of a greater collective that supports them. Of course, the “river” may diverge […]

right now……I want this to be over!

…right now….I want this to be over….

We, people who lack strength, keep doing the same things repeatedly. We’ve forgotten the feeling of being alive. We can’t tell if we are living or dead. Do you feel that you are “alive” now? At this stage, only a thin line separates living and dead.Therefore the sayings, “life is valuable, you should not commit suicide”, “if you stay alive, everything will have a turning point”, “your friends and relatives will feel sad for your death, so you have to stay alive” can all be put aside; these are not convincing anymore. The convincing words which can stop one from committing suicide vanish; the signal […]

*Holds up a Lego movie cup with coke a cola in it* Here’s to my family..the people who have just confirmed that they don’t care if I’m left alone at a house for hours on end while they are out working for no reason or having fun while I’m stuck at home wondering why they are gone so long when they said they only were going to Home Depot..but hey things just “happen” am I right? Yeah whatever…So cheers to them for making me feel even more unloved and not cared bout..My mama even told me they only thought bout me once to see if […]

I wonder if we only met in a wrong time.

I remember the first day of school.
I remember I was wearing a yellow silky skirt.
I remember I was wearing a white shirt.
I remember not wanting to let go of my mom.
I remember crying, sobbing, grasping.
I remember the first day of school.

I remember the first day of middle school.
I remember I felt scared.
I remember I felt lost.
I remember I wasn’t happy.
I remember gripping onto my books tightly.
I remember I was lonely.
I remember the first day of middle school.

I remember talking to you for the first time.
I remember the nights after.
I remember-

I know what

Time flies faster than I could ever imagine… =_=”

Anyway! Goodbye Winter so long snow, Hello Spring it’s time to watch flowers grow… I love this both seasons. ^_^

I couldn’t post on time because I had some problems with the internet.

I’m laying bed alone depressed all day no one cares a cut again twice deep but who cares I have no energy…I just want sleep nobody really cares for me why do I try I just need to end my life it’d make things better for everyone.

I’ve been feeling really down since the sun has gone down; not that it ever really made a difference watching the sun through my bedroom window. These days, nothing changes with me, although things and people change all around. I lie here and wait for death to come for me, eventually.

Here is a song to go with my poem –

These Days – Nico

I’ve been out walking
I don’t do too much talking
These days, these days
These days I seem to think a lot
About the things that I forgot to do
And all the times I had the chance to

I’ve stopped my rambling
I […]

has anyone cut their face? I’ve done it once, but it healed in under a day