If you could change one thing in the past what would it be?
If you had the courage to say something to someone would you?
If you could travel to any place where would it be?
If you could meet anyone who would it be?
If you could save any person who would it be?
If you could say “I love you,” to anyone who would it be?
If you could be allergic to anything what would it be?
If you could do anything what would it be?
If you had no suicidal thoughts or anything depressing what would you be doing right now?
If […]

I feel so lost.. So empty.

Everyone I talk to.. they disappear.

My thoughts are filled of suicide and selfharm thoughts.

All I do is disappoint my family….

And myself.

I hate myself more than people hate me, which is a lot..

Sometimes, I think about dying…

And I might do it.

I might end my life

When your 15 and thinking about death everyday, as a release in life , the probability that you will live long seems to get slimmer by the day. The only things holding me here seem to be fear and family, but I think these things will disappear with time. However, having read what people post here I feel like a cowardly little thing who doesn’t have a clue what she’s on about.  But after coming home everyday and feeling like the good no longer cancels out the bad in my life everything seems pointless. The only problem is that my depression has me gagged and […]

I don’t know who to trust no surprise
(Everyone feels so far away from me)
Heavy thoughts sift through dust and the lies
(Trying not to break but I’m so tired of this deceit)
(Every time I try to make myself get back up on my feet)
(All I ever think about is this)
(All the tiring time between)
(And how trying to put my trust in you just takes so much out of me)

[Chorus]
Take everything from the inside and throw it all away
Cuz I swear for the last time I won’t trust myself with you

Tension is building inside steadily
(Everyone feels so […]

I feel like I’m nearing the end. I am trying my hardest to hold on. I started cutting. I’m drinking and oversleeping again.

I tried to talk to my therapist but she mentioned something about ‘not losing my license’ and the deep sighing is all starting to make me feel like she’s frustrated with me.

I am certain no one dislikes me more than I dislike myself. When I feel that someone I respect becomes irritated with me then I just embrace self-hate that much more.

If your own shrink is done with you then why would I keep trying?

I want to be happy. I want to be […]

It’s an odd combination for me. It just brings me back to suicideproject, always does. I’ve had ups and downs, times I wanted to live, but also times I wished to die. Regardless of my mood, listening to certain songs always brings me back to that peacefull place in my head. The same part of me that is constantly weighing life against death. The same part that brings me here..

Do you guys have songs like that? songs that just hit through everything and play with your soul?

this is the saddest i have ever been and i don’t even remember what happiness even feels like anymore

i’m always so down and sad and whenever i laugh i don’t mean it and it’s just not right and i can’t even smile.

my heart feels gross. like it’s sunken in darkness, my mind is always cloudy and i’m failing a lot of my school classes.

i should be glad that my friend has come down for a couple months to stay, but it’s been so tough. she wants me to be happy.. but i just can’t. it’s like i’m incapable of being glad. i’m always so negative […]

I just done whit this word its fuck uped for me i hope i can broke my promise im trying because i hate this shit what im doing but a promise is a promise if i be fucked up again then its the end lol

I have posted on this subject before but wondered who new may be willing to share their despair and/or dying songs.  I hope, intend to terminate my time here with a damn good soundtrack blasting into my ears.

Eddie Vedder – Guaranteed, Far Behind, Society (from Into the Wild soundtrack)

Jeff Buckley – Hallelujah

Green Day – 21 Guns

REM – Try Not To Breathe

REM- I Wanted to Be Wrong, Why Not Smile

Crowded House – Weather With You

Yo Yo Ma and Alison Krauss – Simple Gifts 

THANKS for any suggestions everyone, I appreciate it.

From the musical “Next to Normal:”

Do you wake up in the morning and need help to lift your head?

Do you read obituaries and feel jealous of the dead?

I do.

I am self medicating interior pain at extreme ends with substance abuse, it cannot go on much longer.

My “shut down” cocktail: 400 seroquel, 4 klonopin, 4 tylenol PM plus mult oz of alcohol.

I seek cessation of all the pain, the noise and the agony of the present and future tense.

But its never enough, and I end up waking up to face it all over again.

Can some “bartender” here PLEASE help me create a cocktail that will put […]

future generations think we are all foolish, Since we belive in a concept called god

on some days I feel probably okay..i try not to think much but most of the time..i feel exhausted! with my life..it’s just been one failure after another and add to that low self confidence and high self loathing..i just want it to end..if this is life..i don’t want it.. I have issues but I can never talk about them with anyone because whoever I consider close don’t know what it’s like..the whole “move on, fight, get on with it” thing doesn’t work for me..i’m tired of doing all that..im just exhausted and want some permanent rest and I’m in the final stages of getting […]

Nobody understands, I don’t understand it myself.

I don’t open up to anybody and don’t feel the need too, I think I can talk about my problems and work out my problems in my head and for a while, its worked. It worked up until this point, the point I realize I have absolutely nothing. Its taken me all these years, all those times when I thought I was better, All those pills prescribed for something that I didn’t quite understand myself, I just thought I was normal, being in touch with my feelings was normal, everything was normal.

To make matters worse, I started using drugs, […]

i feel like I’m walking into a sacred temple of sorts and I’m defiling the marble staircases just by stepping onto them. If I walk past the oak doors and into the cathedral, the stained glass windows will shatter and the pillars will crack and crumble at my undeserved and unwanted entry; i have no place here, I’m barely lost. I am a wandering destruction.
I wrote something a few days ago, and i’m sharing it here, now.

“To the Readers”

Slip.

You slip and nothing is as it should be; the world around you is but an endless dream, a mere coffee stain on your notebook […]

my name is callum im 14 years old and i have destroyed my life. It started with me always yelling at my sister and my mom and dad holding me back my dad always told me it was just a phase and i would be ok. he is gone now and he was wrong. recently i threw my sister into a wall and broke her arm. my mom locked me in the washroom and turned up the heat. she wanted me dead. i broke the window and ran. ran. ran. i was downtown , freezing and starving i decided to head home . my mom […]

I’ve failed myself, once again.

Two weeks ago, I threw away my blades, and said “This time, I’m stopping”.

I didn’t cut for two weeks. I snapped bands against my wrists until my skin turned purple, and dug dents into my skin with my nails, but I didn’t cut.

I went to the store today and bought a new straight edge razor.

I cut myself.

I gave up.

I don’t think I can do this anymore…

The voice in the back of my head telling me I’m useless is really starting to piss me off…

Hi Guys,
Hi… Yeah so I know I said that these daily posts are going to be stopping, but then something changed my mind…. So I have decided I will do a weekly post. Either on Friday or Saturday….

How are you? Please comment down below… I do like to know… Thank you…

How am I? Physically: Sore Mentally: Exhausted

My physical state is just sore… I am completely exhausted… I didn’t get a lot of sleep this week… I had a lot of exhausting mental/physical break downs and about a panic attack a day… So go […]

I claw at the mental door of pain, blocking me from happiness
I scream out, hoping that maybe, just maybe, someone would hear me
I don’t give up, I scream and yell, I yell, “HELP I’M TRAPPED! PLEASE HELP!”
But alas no one can hear me even if someone did they wouldn’t help me nor would they care.

I sob until I drown myself with my own tears and hurt myself with my own pain
I try to pry the door open, to see just a sliver of light, just a sliver of the bright happiness I once knew
I desperately try to find something, or […]

As I step into my house , I feel pain. I feel stress. When i’m not home , some stress is relieved.  .

School ? Is a bully zone .. .

Life  ? Is hell . .

Me ? I’m a emotional mess

Scars ? Are beautiful..

You ? need to stay strong . ♥ . . .
>#IHateMyLife.
– Ashley . –