I was 3 months clean from cutting, until today.it’s the worst I’ve done too. I’m ashamed I gave in I thought I was better. I haven’t had my suicide thoughts in awhile except today I found myself looking for the bag of pills I hid in my room. I have no friends to talk to, I haven’t got a text in months. And talking to my parents just stresses them out and they just make me go to the hospital. I don’t know what to do I need a friend, I need support. Anyone? Please.

Ugh, seriously, fuck everyone. After years of not talking to anyone, I finally get to meet my old friends, and they treat me like shit. Fuck them, fuck you. You would probably treat me the same if you met me. Everyone is the same, why can’t everyone be nice like in those fairy tales? Well whatever, I don’t care. I won’t have to worry about that when I’m dead. I’m giving pill overdose another shot, hopefully it actually works this time. Goodbye, I’m dying.

It never goes away completely. Eventually if my mind is quiet it will grab a hold of me & weight me down. I’m tired of smiling. I’m tired of fighting. I just want peace. I feel so dumb bc I can’t seem to understand DBT. What is wrong with me? I yell too much……I believe they are better off without me. They will become stronger. I was never meant to be.

On some days I wished I never starting self-harming, but on other days I wished I never stopped

I try to keep my mind off of the suicidal demons trying to consume me. It’s a bit hard when nothing is going good.

I’ve not been myself lately. I don’t even know who I am anymore, as cliché as that sounds.

I plan on moving out to Florida after high school. My friend has a condo in Orlando, I’d move anywhere to get out of this shithole city.

You know, no matter how shitty and depressed I feel, I always put others before me. I wish more people would do the same, some are incredibly selfish, it’s disgusting.

I find it hard to see myself in the future. I have […]

I’ve been grappling for weeks. This isn’t my first time down this path, I’m a pro at weathering them (but for an attempt in my early 20s when I didn’t know better).  Right now I’m losing the battle.  I’ve decided to concede, if nothing else for the peace it instantly brings me.  But two things are really pissing me off about this right now.

1.  Someone cares, pick up the phone, call them, they’re all going to be so devastated when you go, blah blah blah.  Screw that. They all know.  They know I’m a mess.  Granted they’re not mind-readers, they don’t know that I’ve crossed […]

I get tired of hearing that things will get better, just give it time, etc. Maybe they will get better or maybe they won’t, none of us can tell the future, but what about the time in-between? What about barely getting through the days and the nights, constantly hurting and wanting to die?  What if you just can’t take that anymore? I have waited and waited and waited and nothing has gotten better. Just when I think that it will get better for once, it all gets taken away.

I can barely get through everyday. I am constantly on the verge of tears. I cannot take this pain […]

Hey people. It’s been a little while again, hasn’t. Maybe two weeks maybe less. And here I am again. Not to worry, I gave my word on not giving up and fighting these grey days till the bitter end, andd I’m still doing it. I maybe flawed in many ways but that promise is something I don’t want to break. So why am I here then? Well I wanted to ask about a few things and give a little update on myself. Maybe it’ll make someone’s day better knowing I’m still kicking.

So over the past two weeks, a couple of things have happened. To […]

I sit here thinking.. why couldn’t it have all been fine. It all started when i was around the age of 7. Mom got arrested. Dad wanted nothing to do with me. I felt lost, abandoned, unwanted, helpless, worthless, even forgotten. I didn’t know what to think or what was going on. Theres times now where i still feel lost, unwanted, and forgotten. Forgotten by the world, like no one ever even knew I existed. I go to school, just to get bullied on a daily basis. I sit and wonder what I did to deserve this, why is this even happening. Am I really […]

well this is the first time I’ve ever wrote on a site like this.im just trying it out to see if it helps me to deal with my problems as there’s no one I can talk to about it.”I fell like all my male friends think it’s “gay” to show emotions “don’t get me wrong there’s noting wrong with being gay” So a little bit about me, im a 16 year old male I’m into lots of stuff like music and art but not sport (wierd I no ) and I was diagnosed with depression just over a year ago. I find it hard to […]

ok, obasically was taking into fostercare at the age of 11 bcause mum want me and my dad niglected me, mentaly and physically.I was also living with my grandparents from the age of 5  months because my mum left me in the house on my own at 2 months old. I was also passed around all off her different boyfriend so that they could basically sexually abuse me.

when i went into foster care things were up and down for the 8 years. i argued with my foster carer more or less everday and ended up feeling like crap. the crap feeling then turned into anger […]

Well… I um.. First posts are always the most awkward but .. Don’t know what to say really, Live in Uk. 16. at college. Tbh, I suffer from major ocd, suicidal thoughts, self harm, anxiety, to name a few! I may seem happy and at ease, but I’m not really. Things seem to get caught up and I’m left stuck of options and running out of ways to fix things.All un diagnosed. and other stuff. I’m not good at opening up to people, but as you can see, I am on here, I just need a place i can talk to people and A shoulder […]

You thought you could control me and you did, you still do. One thing I want most in life is to become the bigger person, and be able to forgive and forget. Why is it that you make this so impossible for me. I hate you with every inch of my being, my core, soul, or whatever it is that comprises this sad excuse of a human being that I am.

Every hit you gave, physical or emotional, scarred me to an extent which I am ashamed to admit. No one should have such control over another human being like you do with me. I see […]

now that you are near the end!

I just sent an e-mail to a site that (supposedly) does contract killing.
Yep.
They’ll hopefully kill me (I haven’t received a response yet) and then they can do whatever the fuck they want with my shit. Sell it, break it, donate it, I don’t give a fuck.

Pathetic, can’t even kill myself. Need to hire it out. Oh well. Hopefully they’ll get back to me and this will end quickly. If they’ll even do it. If this is even a real site and not someone trying to be funny.
This is terribly reckless. And I find myself not caring.

See y’all on the other side, if […]

has anyone thought to do like in that movie? i rlly thinking to that but need a serious plan

This isn’t really how I feel NOW, but I wrote that earlier this week ’cause this is something I do a lot :

Bath time was over. It was enough. So I pulled the bathtub plug. Then the water started to go away, slowly. I didn’t really want this bath to end, so I stayed there waiting for the water to vanish. Then I started thinking about you. About how it was over and that I didn’t really want it to end. When the water was leaving me, I felt as insecure as I was when you first started to walk away. At first, it was […]

To help alleviate some of stress lately I decided to make a post on this site.  I’ve been struggling with depression since I was a young kid, and it’s finally come back in full force.  I’m currently a sophmore in college trying my hardest to enjoy life but everything I do just seems to end with me wanting to put a bullet in my head.  If I had a gun at home, I’m not even sure if I’d be here right now.

It’s amazing to me that I’m still struggling with depression.  I recently received a full ride scholarship and have almost no social anxiety.  It […]

if i just disappeared,
would you know?
would you care?
would you look for me there?
i know you would search,
you’d fail, but you’d try,
and you’d cry,
for this horrible loss,
of a shadow that lost
it’s battle with life,
i tried oh so hard,
but i failed,
life derailed,
down the suicide path,
it was painless and fast,
i didn’t want to last,
and now Im gone,
and you cry for me,
you cut deep,
and you weep,
and you lose lots of sleep,
but you slowly move on,
and you no longer care,
about the girl who should not have been […]

It’s been a week or 2 since I lasst posted, but I figured I would give you all an update. That is, if anyone cares.

So I went to the state tournament. And won, then lost, then won again. At this point, I was one match away from placing in my state tournament. Tough kid I had to take, but I was confident. Anyways, 3, 2, 1, wrestle! So we did, and I was winning for a time, then he got desperate, and I ended up losing.
After that, I cried for a bit. (I know I know, men don’t cry, but since I am […]