future generations think we are all foolish, Since we belive in a concept called god

on some days I feel probably okay..i try not to think much but most of the time..i feel exhausted! with my life..it’s just been one failure after another and add to that low self confidence and high self loathing..i just want it to end..if this is life..i don’t want it.. I have issues but I can never talk about them with anyone because whoever I consider close don’t know what it’s like..the whole “move on, fight, get on with it” thing doesn’t work for me..i’m tired of doing all that..im just exhausted and want some permanent rest and I’m in the final stages of getting […]

Nobody understands, I don’t understand it myself.

I don’t open up to anybody and don’t feel the need too, I think I can talk about my problems and work out my problems in my head and for a while, its worked. It worked up until this point, the point I realize I have absolutely nothing. Its taken me all these years, all those times when I thought I was better, All those pills prescribed for something that I didn’t quite understand myself, I just thought I was normal, being in touch with my feelings was normal, everything was normal.

To make matters worse, I started using drugs, […]

i feel like I’m walking into a sacred temple of sorts and I’m defiling the marble staircases just by stepping onto them. If I walk past the oak doors and into the cathedral, the stained glass windows will shatter and the pillars will crack and crumble at my undeserved and unwanted entry; i have no place here, I’m barely lost. I am a wandering destruction.
I wrote something a few days ago, and i’m sharing it here, now.

“To the Readers”

Slip.

You slip and nothing is as it should be; the world around you is but an endless dream, a mere coffee stain on your notebook […]

my name is callum im 14 years old and i have destroyed my life. It started with me always yelling at my sister and my mom and dad holding me back my dad always told me it was just a phase and i would be ok. he is gone now and he was wrong. recently i threw my sister into a wall and broke her arm. my mom locked me in the washroom and turned up the heat. she wanted me dead. i broke the window and ran. ran. ran. i was downtown , freezing and starving i decided to head home . my mom […]

I’ve failed myself, once again.

Two weeks ago, I threw away my blades, and said “This time, I’m stopping”.

I didn’t cut for two weeks. I snapped bands against my wrists until my skin turned purple, and dug dents into my skin with my nails, but I didn’t cut.

I went to the store today and bought a new straight edge razor.

I cut myself.

I gave up.

I don’t think I can do this anymore…

The voice in the back of my head telling me I’m useless is really starting to piss me off…

Hi Guys,
Hi… Yeah so I know I said that these daily posts are going to be stopping, but then something changed my mind…. So I have decided I will do a weekly post. Either on Friday or Saturday….

How are you? Please comment down below… I do like to know… Thank you…

How am I? Physically: Sore Mentally: Exhausted

My physical state is just sore… I am completely exhausted… I didn’t get a lot of sleep this week… I had a lot of exhausting mental/physical break downs and about a panic attack a day… So go […]

I claw at the mental door of pain, blocking me from happiness
I scream out, hoping that maybe, just maybe, someone would hear me
I don’t give up, I scream and yell, I yell, “HELP I’M TRAPPED! PLEASE HELP!”
But alas no one can hear me even if someone did they wouldn’t help me nor would they care.

I sob until I drown myself with my own tears and hurt myself with my own pain
I try to pry the door open, to see just a sliver of light, just a sliver of the bright happiness I once knew
I desperately try to find something, or […]

As I step into my house , I feel pain. I feel stress. When i’m not home , some stress is relieved.  .

School ? Is a bully zone .. .

Life  ? Is hell . .

Me ? I’m a emotional mess

Scars ? Are beautiful..

You ? need to stay strong . ♥ . . .
>#IHateMyLife.
– Ashley . –

Messages.. so many messages… hate messages.

I thought I was away from them.. 🙁

I keep ignoring and deleting them, but then new ones occur.. 🙁

Theres fire in her eyes,

And a spark in her soul.

There’s flames in her mind,

And her heart is a hole.

There’s an ocean in her eyes,

And a waterfall pouring down her face.

There’s a deep blue color within them,

As the tears began to race.

There’s no hope in her eyes,

No faith in her heart.

There’s nothing left to cling to,

As her world is falling apart.

Do you believe suicide is selfish? Do you have a right to kill yourself when there are others living off worse than you?

After all, when one kills his or herself they leave a lot of people in pain, anger and grief. Sometimes there’s even a [gruesome] mess to clean up. Is that fair?

I go back and forth between whether it’s fair or not everyday. EVERY single human being has or is experiencing some great deal of pain. in their life. But what about people who truly feel they’re better off dead than alive?

How do you feel when people try to compare your life to those […]

Why do I even try to befriend people?
Why do I even try my best to feel loved?
Why do I even try to find people who might care for me?
Why do I even try to hope that someday I will find love?
Why do I even try to stop myself from thinking about suicide?

All I do when I befriend people is hurt them.
All I do when I try to feel loved is get hurt.
All I do when I try to find people who might care for me is to feel useless and unwanted.
All I do when I try to hope […]

There is no excerpt because this is a protected post.

I’ve seen the documentary The Bridge many times.  In spite of the miniscule risk of surviving the jump, it’s still a much more statistically successful method than pills.

Pills?  Totally unreliable

Hanging?  I couldn’t bring myself to do it

Gunshot?  Way too messy….besides, I’m as anti-NRA as you can get.

Yes….I have a deep seated feeling the Golden Gate Bridge will be my method when I decide I really need to go, which I hope will be before I have to suffer another Holiday Season.

I made a preliminary draft of my Will and today I talked to my financial planners about how I want my IRA distributed.  They have […]

I’m in that mood again, pain is consuming my entire body.  Every day is the same, nobody listens. Nobody cares about me.  Can’t they see I’m hurting?  Can’t they love me?  My name is Hurt.  It defines me and my entire existence.  I’m tired of waiting for things to get better.  I can’t seem to find that Hope.  When can I stop hoping?  When can I just end it all?  I didn’t ask to be born.  I didn’t ask to exist.  So why can’t I just – not exist?  It’s not like anybody would care.  I can’t handle much before I fall apart.  I need […]

I have only four true friends at the moment. Trying to make new friends for me use to be so easy… now not so much.

Anyways, I made a Facebook status, just thanking my four true friends for staying by my side no matter what.

My old ‘best friend’ saw it, seeing I didn’t include her. Note that I didn’t include her because  she never speaks to me, she makes promises she NEVER keeps, and she tries to invite me and our other best friend to her house, only to ditch us last minute.

I got tired of how she treated me, so I just kind of stopped […]

or the mitigation of pain project? They’re obviously related, but the essential focus is radically diferrent.

Something intense happened last night. While driving on the highway, I nearly hit a girl staring blankly into traffic on the border of the shoulder and my lane. I called the authorities, exited and swung around on the service road. I got out, ruined my new shoes on the muddy embankment :P, and went up to her on the highway. She was crying, distraught, and talking about how a friend just died. I slowly climbed over the guardrail (looking back, I probably shouldn’t have done that, kinda dangerous) and told her I would love to listen to whats going on, but its so noisy. I […]