let me go
why do you care
just let me go
please
i might need to go
i feel suicidal right now
can i turn to you
no not really
you’re busy
and i can’t
because you’re depressed too
and you come before me
and i dont matter
so let me go
i dont know
why you care
maybe you do
maybe you dont
how should i know?

I have struggled with addiction,depression,low self esteem,family issues,loss,grief etc for the better part of my life.I have attempted to take my life a few times,most times not truly wanting to die,was more of a cry for help.A year or so ago my best friend commited suicide,it was a very hard thing to deal with,it hurt very much.I always think of the way that he did it,i think that is how i want to go as well.Last year on x mas eve,i received some news that was rather bothersome to me,it hurt me deeply.I turned to alcohol,for the most part ive been clean for 10 years,the […]

Today I told my mom pretty much that I hated her. We got into this big arguement about nothing. Then we got into another one and it was about my best friend/sisster. She told me I was hanging out with her too much and asked me if we were gay. I said ” You know what I’m getting tired of being accused of being gay. But I’m not and neither is she. Maybe she’s not old enough to be my mother but at least she’d treat me like a mother is supposed to because obviously you don’t give a shit about me. And if you […]

I am lost and scared and I’m no where near fixed but I am not dead.

I still think about suicide often and I remained un-medicated until a few moments ago when I popped the first pill to happy (doxepin).

I am getting therapy. Every once in a while it will give me something useful but not often. I don’t think I’ll be sticking with it in the long run. Maybe once every few months.

I may be unable to sleep due to apnea or even my sinus being closed off because of a random act of violence back in 07′. Apparently sleep deprivation is a bad thing…

I […]

It’s crazy, I graduated high school at sixteen. I’m twenty now, and still only have two college classes under my belt because I can’t afford school working my crap job. I barely make enough to get by while eating only once or twice a day, and I can’t even work right now because my knee is too fucking damaged to walk on. Yet with all the things that I should be more worried about, I care more about the fact that I’m a magnet for stupid sluts while a girl that I can have an intelligent conversation with, or that hasn’t slept with […]

I dont want to die. I dont want to live. I’m terrified of it all. I’m conflicted, i’m incomplete and I’m suffocating with this desperate need to be loved and yet I do not trust or accept a single persons love.

How do you live when youve lost the desire to live but are haunted by the things you need??

How do you live with emotions that were never tended to.. such important steps that were ignored. I’m in pain and i’m empty. I am exhausted of this world. I’m 20 years old, 21 in march. I’m a light skinned female with, ive been told, attractive lips, […]

I like being alone, I like when I have my own.

I can think enough to talk to myself,

But not enough to forget how I felt.

He still remains on my mind,

Like I can’t take him apart.

I like being alone, cause I can talk to him,

I can hear his voice on my head, telling a verse,

but somehow I forget,

How to make him go away.

27/01/14

9:23 pm

i hate everything. i don’t trust anyone or anything anymore. im an athlete and am in college right now.  I like being active and i have good friends. its just not enough. i feel lonely and don’t want to live in this world–im pretty much paranoid now i feel like, ive been in therapy for about 5 years now. Ive been struggling with depression since then and went into a treatment facility for anorexia for 6months a few years ago. This all makes it worse. On the outside and symptom/behaviorwise im doing so much better. Im talking and opening up to people more than i ever have,im not shy anymore like i used to be. ive actually never been more talkative, more open, and more social in my life. But ive actually never felt more alone, more lonely, more misunderstood, and more desperate and hopeless.  my eating is under-control and so is my self-injury…my mom put me on a leash pretty much too and said if i revert back she is kicking me out of school and im basically completely on my own.but at the end of the day, nothing is changed.everyone said that life without an eating disorder is better, and blah blah. but its not. i hate life just as much if not more, im just as lonely if not more, im just as angry if not more,i am more skeptical, and believe less and lessin happiness and anything good at all the morethat time goes on…increasingly therefore i don’t believe or trust anything or anyone. i dont even know what to do. i don;t want to think about tomorrow. i don’t want to sleep and be stuck alone trapped in my head with my thoughts. i dont know how to go on, let alone for what reason

I’m tired of it all. Tired of everything. im sickand tired of hoping, of trying, of fighting foranything anymore. I don’t see the point. I’mtired of people saying things get better, sayingthat xyz will happen just be patient. I’m tired of people not understanding-of just saying I’m overreacting to little things. I’m tired of notfitting in, I’m tired of hating myself, I’m tired ofhating people, I’m tired of hating life. I’m tired of everything in life being sugar coated, I’m tired of the lies, I’m tired of false hopes. I don’t want to do it anymore. im just so tired and done with everything. i don’t want to think anymore. i don’t want to be me, i dont want tolive life, i dont want to be in this life or this world. im tired of just trying to keep myself from reaching an actual point where im ready to follow through with suicide.

i dont want to be. i just want it all to stop. idon’t want to deal. i wish i could just putmyself in a self-induced coma. i dont want tobe stuck alone anymore in this body with mythoughts trapped in this world. i cant do itanymore…i dont even know why im not throughouly suicidal right now. i can’t do it anymore….i don’t want to do it. i don’t want to try or pretend to be okay for some period of time just to end up right back here again. i just deceive myself and latch on to false hopes and stupid fantasies to get by…im done

why stop me? why do you care? why can’t i just go? why?

I use to picture what it would be like if I had if I didnt have most of my problems. Would I be different? Yes. Would I feel better? Yes. Will it ever happen? No. I use to think it will get better one day. That was the first year when everything started. Now I have up wishing. I started getting bullied in 5th grade. It was just little things at first. “You’re ugly” “you’re fat” but as the years went by it started getting worse. Almost everyone in my grade was bullying me. The people who didn’t knew but they didn’t stop them. Everyone […]

I’ve got a dark little secret.

Something that covers me with its cloak of black midnight everywhere I go.

It weighs me down with its millions of pounds.

It soaks my face with salty droplets from the vessels of sadness in my heart.

Okay… Its not a little secret. Its a big secret.

Hello Cruel World.

In 4th grade I had no friends. I used to be the most popular girl in my elementary school. I had the biggest friend group, the first spot in line, the best lunch table. I know, I know. Public […]

Honestly, I’m not much of a writer so I will apologize ahead of time. I truly just want my feelings to heard. There is only a few people that know what I have been going through and yet they still sit back and do nothing. Sure, they express there concern for me and say, “It’s not worth it” or “I know how you are feeling” or “Give it time, it will pass”. Okay, it may not be worth it looking from your eyes, but to me it is. THAT’S WHY I’M SO UPSET! IT MEANS SOMETHING TO ME! I’m sorry, but there is absolutely no […]

havent been on here since last year. I’ve been to hell and back

i want people to know they can email me if they need someone to talk to or advice.

naomirogers1996@yahoo.co.uk

xo

I hate life. What’s the point in living when you have nothing? I always have this weight on my chest and its so hard to breathe. I just want to scream fuck everything. I don’t want people to tell me it gets better, it doesn’t. I hate when people say they know how I feel. You don’t know a damn thing about me. I don’t show how I feel. And it’s going to stay that way.

Hi Guys,

I don’t feel well… I feel suicidal… So suicidal… So depressed and sad I don’t know what to do…

How am I? Physically: Broken Mentally: Broken

My physical state… It’s just not the best right now… I have no cuts… Well not yet… Maybe later tonight my body will have a few… But who knows? Maybe I’ll be pathetic and not cut… I just don’t know… I don’t feel well… I don’t feel like I deserve to live… I’m in so much pain… So many tears… Why should I live when I’m in so much pain? Can’t I go?

My mental state… It’s just too broken […]

Well, to be honest, I didn’t think I needed to be.

Since the last time I attempted suicide, I was feeling better. I still had mental health problems and I think I always will have but they calmed down. At least, on the suicide note they did. But my depression had been getting worse in a different way- I could barely get out of bed, I couldn’t bring myself to wash, eat or drink anything until I was offered, I couldn’t bring myself to change out of my pyjamas. I was a complete mess and still am.

My anxiety was getting worse too, but in a different […]

Maybe if I told you
The real truth
You would care
Maybe if I told you
How I really am
You would care
Maybe if I told you
What was really happening
You would care
Maybe if I told you
How I really felt
You would care
Maybe if I told you
Everything
You would stay

What do I like? I love to daydream. Vanish into another world that only I know about. Escape from the struggles of reality and breathe easy knowing that nothing is wrong anymore. Everything is OK. I can picture a paradise, and fall deep into the unexplored realm of imagination. I can be separated form those I need no company from, and become closer with the people I want to love. The test tomorrow would disappear, and in it’s place would be adventure and a different life. A different life. An unattainable postulation, but a desirable one. A daydream can transport you away from stress and […]

I don’t know if anybody cares, but clearly by the poetry I’ve written I have issues. Nobody cared to comment, so I guess I’m not cared about at all. I have been told to go die in a hole my sister, my dad has told me that EVERYTHING is my fault, and we won’t even get started on my mom. My family is not abusive in anyway. Just verbally when they’re mad. I have ADD and insomnia. I’m a good kid. I don’t get in trouble. I love God. But for some reason, every time I close my eyes I see the evil that I […]