The voices are back, and oh how I’ve missed them.  It’s nice not being alone.  My mind is racing, and I’m scared.  I think I should go to the hospital.

I will not bow by Breaking Benjamin and Get stones by Hinder pretty much sum up my life.

i have lost the will to change

go home, get stoned

I always think about the way I will die. when I was younger I would often imagine it would be fast and in my sleep. Now that I’ve grown older I imagine the way the blood will keep coming out on the sides of my hips. It would hurt but that would be the only solution. I would sit there and quietly sob while the last of the color drains from my face. While I die I will remember the boys who hurt me mentally and physically who kept touching when I said enough. I always think I can get better and my friends are […]

Now dont get me wrong, I dont wish to kill myself, atleast maybe not yet. Y’know I dont have the same pains as everybody else here, I simply have a lack of motivation and feelings. Maybe that’s led me down to this swirling depressing road. God, I feel nothing most of the time, even now I feel nothing while writing this, it just feels like I’m an empty lonely vessel. I know my family loves me, I know my friends love me, but I cant help but feel empty, I’ve always hurt others without realizing it, and once I do? I feel nothing. I feel […]

I had surgery done last week and I had to go under general anesthesia.Ive never experienced that before and what an experience! Why can’t dying be this easy,I didn’t feel anything and I didn’t even notice when I went out,i just woke up,what felt like 5 minutes later but it was actually an hour and a half!.So weird at the same time it was so peaceful.Why cant people who want out of this cruel world die this way? so peacefully,no pain,no worries……life is not fair,I don’t want money or material things I just want to die……..but im scared

I was listening to monster by imagine dragons and all the words were just so true. I don’t recognize the person I’ve become anymore. I don’t know if what I am could even be counted as a person. I’m more of a shell, really. Polished on the outside and empty on the inside.

Hey there 🙂

My name is Sara Johnson.

I just came to say, as a regular of this site, I’m in a really good mood, despite the shit I’m going through right now. I do have issues, but that’s not important. I want to talk about you. I know I don’t know you. Hell, you don’t even know me. But I think you’re beautiful. Not on the outside. Fuck that shit. Do whatever YOU think makes YOU beautiful on the outside. But I think you’re beautiful on […]

Suicide is NOT the answer.

ive learned that.

Plus because im a youngyin’.

even tho’ life gets bad once in a while.

you gotta pick yourself up and find another thing in life to worry about.

maybe something more important than  the thing your worrying about.

dont sweat it,

I promise,

life gets better.

MUCH better.

i love you no matter what.

never forget that.

why do i feel so lost?

thats the question i have asked myself for the past 24 years.

i have a nice apartment and a nice jobb.

i have friends(not many. but a few good ones)

and i have an wonderfull family

shouldnt that be enough?

i feel so incredible lonely.

it kinda feels like im from another planet sometimes.

Not only do i have to go to the store and get my new phone unlocked after both my iphones 4s and 5 get stolen from close friends at a birthday, i have to get an application form to another school before i get fined 11k from not going school enough because i have no friends at school, i have to go and pack up my ex boyfriends things from my house and give it to him after breaking up with him an hour ago, and i have to go to the doctors and check if im pregnant, and possibly go through an abortion alone. […]

Irony. I know my favorite color is blue but it seems pretty ironic that my family brought me back a souvenir mug from the M&M factory that is blue and says “It`s all good” on the inside.

While I appreciate the jesture, they admit they don’t understand depression, it almost makes me want to cry every time I use it. I`m such an ungrateful *****.

I love laughing. I laugh all the time. I laugh when I’m happy, but sometimes I laugh when I’m sad, too. I don’t know why, I just know that laughing makes things hurt less.

I try to make everything seem like it’s not a big deal, like it’s all under control. In reality, I usually can’t handle it though.

I’ve always been really good at school and sometimes that makes me feel guilty. I put in very little effort to get a 4.0.

I always have so much to say, but I lose the courage to say it because I don’t want to sound ignorant. […]

It’s quite sad when one realizes that he/she has been actively lurking on a suicide site for three years. Get the deed done or move on, yet I can’t seem to  do either.

Its been too long aince i last posted. Last time we talked, I whined about how I was panicking about joining the army. I’m currently inthe army and gained access to y phone.

Now then, I finished basic training, got to shoot an M-16, and rarely thought about shooting myself in the face. Anywho, I am hiding the fact that I am prone to emotional disorders as I suspect the depression to come back to me A.S.A.P. I have come to realize that joinin the army has given me a snese of accomplishment as I have graduated basic training

As a soldier, the army has made me […]

I’m planning it. I feel like I’m in control, something is being done about this pain. I feel relief now, it’s even better than cutting. The weight is off my shoulders.. Knowing the day is coming very soon. I know I won’t be missed at this point, and that gives me the courage to put myself in the ground.

Fear of death is, by itself, not a sufficient enough reason to live. Is it?

I wish i could just disappear and finally be free from all the pain

It’s kind of funny. There are a lot of people who legitimately cannot use the feet and the legs they are given, and yet they keep struggling to move forward. But I, who have perfectly working feet and strong legs to carry me forwards, am unable to do so. I’m still trapped with my incompetence and inability to stand up for myself. I would fear that I’ll never move away from this cage I’m in, but I’ve long accepted it as fact. I can’t even bring myself to yearn for freedom anymore. And all I can do is cry.

Today I cut deeper and deeper into my flesh.

The deeper I went the more alive I felt.

Once I was done I looked down at my arm.

it was dripping.

drip.

drip.

drip.

all red.

All swollen.

I was hoping for death.

didnt cut deep enough.

next time.

next time though.

next time I will make it to death.

cant wait till next time.

So I have an interview for an overnight job.
I honestly couldn’t be more excited.
I mean, I’m already working one job and going to school, but maybe by working so much, I’ll finally be free from my own mind. I’ll be so distracted from the pain that I can finally breathe again. I didn’t cut the other night and I am proud of myself, however miniscule the act.
I don’t know why I keep coming back here. I have no purpose here anymore…