well i tried committing suicide several times and i cant seem to die maybe there’s a purpose for me to be alive on this earth i have cried no ones there to catch my tears or to give me their shoulder to cry on no ones there to mend my broken heart to help me through the frustration and stress i have a eating disorder which is anorexia my online boyfriend takes money from me but i love him to much to let him go he took like 10000 dollars from me my family said they would make sure they kill him if i die […]

Every night i just sit in my room with tears sliding down my face just wonder why do i exist.

So, I don’t know how I got here with my life… visiting a suicide forum and feeling serious about it. I was the happy go lucky girl that loved working, movies, my sister and puppies. There is no room is life for fucking up. I miss my mom. I would have never fucked up if she wasnt gone. My dad murdered her because she was on meth. I managed to recover, graduate college, buy a house, etc. but then I fucked up And made myself a social outcast. I just want to die bc I can’t have a redo. All I need is a redo! […]

I’m tired if this…

I’m tired of feeling like everything I do is wrong…

I’m tired of messing up in everything I do..

I’m tired of not doing everything right..

I’m tired of feeling like such a screw up..

I’m tired of smiling when all I want to do is cry…

I’ m tired of being the mistake I feel like everyday..

I’m so tired….

sooner or later I’ve got to have a rest,..

Whether it be permanent or not? I don’t know…

All I can hope is that I get better…if not..I don’t know..

Guess you’ll all get what you need…

Me gone…

The human race is just a chemical scum on a moderate-sized planet, orbiting around very
average star in the outer suburb of one among a hundred billion galaxies. we are so
insignificant that I can’t believe the whole universe exists for our benefit. That would
be like saying that you would disappear if  I closed my eyes.

–Stephen Hawking

If everything happen on earth is very insignificant, why can’t our problems?

I adapted this from an anonymous poem:

Don’t Judge Me

Don’t judge me for how I left this world,
Remember the love I gave,
A lot of grief has followed me
Drowning me like an ocean wave.

Changes intrude on everyone’s life
Some are good and some are bad,
All the change in recent years
Has made me very sad.

But in time the memories
will from your hearts the hurt release
And my presence will be felt by all
With an inner peace.

Remember me when the sun is bright
And laughter fills the air
And a moonlit night and a whisper of wind
Will tell you I am […]

I’ve been around for a while – like more than half a century. My health is lousy, to a point it’s my fault but the reality is that I hate my life so much that there are subconscious self-destructive dynamics at work I cannot change. It is very much like having a slow-motion dream where you have 4 arms and 4 hands; 2 are tied behind your back and the the other two are slowly pulling the pin out of a grenade with the intent to shove it in your mouth and you are powerless to stop it.

People feed self-hatred by using someone or carelessly/intentionally […]

I’m just trying to understand life. i don’t know who I am. Why I’m here…? If I’m going to be forgotten in the end, then why even try? Life has been rough, you know finding out who you are. But I think the worst part is knowing who you are, and not liking it… At all. I’ve made plenty of mistakes that I choose not to mention. I’m not proud of who I am, not am I sure who I am, but whoever I am, I am not worthy of being around. I’m so…wrong in so many ways. And I can’t change that. And nobody […]

I feel like society has screwed me over.  I feel like my parents have screwed me over.  I feel like the medical establishment has screwed me over.  I feel like my government has screwed me over.  And no one seems to care.  I feel like killing myself in a very public and theatrical way to get my point across.  Everyone around me seems like a brain dead zombie.  What methods are available to me to complete the act?  Basically right now my best option is hanging.  And I feel that is a totally degrading and horrible way to die.  Shooting myself in the head seems […]

This helped me, just take the time to watch it.

I gave my friend a notebook of my suicidal thoughts that I write in when I have them (which is every day now) and for the rest of that day, he cared… now its back to the way it was before… Me being ignored and everyone else having fun without me. I self-harmed today at lunch for the first time since the beginning of October… when I went to my next class all I could think about was how I’d rather be in that bathroom self-harming… I’ve tried talking and interacting with my friends but they somehow always manage to make me feel like an […]

Am I lost, or am I just in new territory.  Today I sit here.. confused I guess.  Wondering if I really am back together.. or what?  I started ‘feeling better’ in April.. is it coincidence that I started feeling better when I started dating someone new?  Or have i just become a dependant?  I dont know.. I try not to think about it..but damn its hard.  Maybe its my hormones….Im a transsexual, and transitioned at the age of 19, im 34 now..  I ran out of hormones a few weeks ago due to a shipping screw up.  That really sucked.  Maybe its my shitty fucking […]

Lately I’ve been having hardships in school, low grades, bad teachers, lack of enthusiasim, etc. I feel like I’m starting to accept the death of my mother, who I was taken from at the age of three and died and the age of six, but everytime I feel the wound has been healed, another scab has been picked open. My boyfriend started working 1630-0000, which means I get only an hour to talk to him when I get home. I started setting an alarm to wake up at 0000 so I could talk to him when he gets home, but the late hours are taxing […]

hi.

I don’t know how to start this post…how to end it…I don’t even know how it can end. I could end up talking about puppies.
That was an exaggeration.
Ok um so yeah ok agh I really want to write but I don’t know how to put it into words.

Anyway, I’ve been through hell and back. It’s sickening how much I hate myself. I’ve had family problems for a while, before I developed an eating disorder, began to self harm, a bunch of shit imbetween (anxiety, OCD, etc.,) and just wanted to die. But there’s this saying that keeps me going.

Someone could have it […]