I am in love with a girl named sabrina. Today at school i saw her crying and i asked her “who’s ass do i need to kick?” And everyone pointed at jason. I should have killed him then and there but i tried to leave him alone. Sabrina eventually went into the bathrooms and cried. I think she may have ended up cutting too. I want to take away her pain but i dont know how. Getting back at jason will only make things worse. she wont talk to me about it and i dont know what to do now. If she ended up cutting […]
I’m not sure if this is the right place to be posting this, but i’m not sure where else to ‘rant’ about it.
So I started University just over a month ago, and since about a week after I arrived I have been in something of a downward spiral. My flatmates are all nice, there’s lots to do and lots of people to meet but I am becoming increasingly unhappy.
I can fake it around others, act happy and interested but I can’t stand doing so. I shut myself up in my room for days at a time, not being able to leave because the […]
The only thing I’ve been managing do well lately is my remarkable ability to screw up my life. Â 🙁
How do I help myself? How? I’m trying every thing I could think of but nothing seems to work anymore. I can’t take my pain anymore. It’s too much. I’m small. I’m weak. Are you going to leave me to die? Please, don’t…
I’m feeling much less depressed these days. To be honest, I don’t feel much of anything. I’m on 200mg of sertraline.
I find that, although I make friends very easily, I form normal relationships, and people appear to enjoy spending time with me, beneath my friendly outer self, I loathe almost everybody I come into contact with. And I find that part of me even wants to watch people suffer. I feel as though while my motivation has increased of the past few months, I have also become more manipulative and unconcerned with the feelings of other people (though, to be honest, I’m not entirely sure […]
Note: as i have written earlier, i sometimes use SP as diary. this is basically just a personal note i want to give to myself, a kind of remainder of a conclusion so that i don’t get lost again or atleast have at the back of my mind that i’ve made some conclusions which are more important than normal random thoughts. all in all i want to get rid of these thoughts without fear of forgetting their essence.
good days are going (i.e. currently happening). but i’m tired of them. in fact i get tired of good days sooner than that of bad days. its looking […]
Sometimes I just spend my night thinking how this family will function after I’m gone. Some nights I’ll cry hysterically because I know no one in this family will ever self reflect, see what they do to me, how they destroy me. Some nights I keep blaming myself for everything that happened, apologizing for not dying in the hospital after I was admitted with fever after 14-02-1994. Some nights I lose myself in every memory that was created and end up fainting, screaming in agony. Some nights I try my best to cut every flaw away, break my skin in the hope that my spirit […]
Yes, Little G, there is a difference between saying the words and meaning the words. What’s the difference? You have to cut through the silacone b.s. of intellectualism and take a look at what you really want. If you would look upon the darkness of the hidden motivations that you harbor just below the surface, you would abandon them.
Consider this:
I want the peace of God.
“To say these words is nothing. But to mean these words is everything. If you could but mean them for just an instant, there would be no further sorrow possible for you in any form; in any place or time. Heaven […]
After two weeks out of a mental institution after I tried killing myself I am sitting in class wondering what is my next step where do I go from here? 42 pills. 3 times trieng to commit suicide. I guess there is a reason I am still here. When you get to a point where you feel like nobody understands and nobody loves you it sucks it really does. I am lucky though because I got the help that I need and I just hope I am strong enough to do it.
Does anyone  know if i slipknoted a scarf tight enough around my neck and carotid artery that i would pass out and die about 10-20 minutes later? I read alot about suspension hanging and i would rather just do it this way if it would work. What do you think?
Note: This is my personal experience and I tried to explain everything I could, I could explain better but I’m not a writer,I’ll write whatever comes in my mind and sorry for the English grammar mistakes 🙂 So, let me show you how to die without pain, it works 100% and I know it is going to be a long article (may be) but it worth reading. 🙂 I’m not here to waste your time or make you feel bad, I want to […]
If anyone wants to talk about things forbidden here you can email me privately at aracole568@yahoo.com
Even though I have survived into my elder years and have mostly good days now, I still have my bad days. On those days, I wonder why respectful painless assisted suicide is illegal for the person who can’t share human joys and efforts; hence chooses not to continue living a painful life.
Why does society force us to suffer until the end? Once one has reached a certain crossroad and made a definite choice, all the king’s horses and all the king’s men cannot truly put them back together again. More usually, like me, they are forced to survive in a solitary situation until the […]
If i tell my counsellor, (Ontario) that i attempted to commit suicide last week, will she still legally have to do something about it, like put me into a mental health unit or get me assesed or something, or is it safe to talk about?
Why do i feel this way… I just wanna sleep it all away. forget my life and just stay in total darkness. I feel nothing when i wake up just upset that I’m awake and still breathing…
So tomorrow is my 16th , and I think it’s the perfect time to start the beginning of my end. I will stop eating for the most part, it’s already pretty no eating but I will cut when I need to, I will drink or do whatever I must do to numb the pain until one day I won’t have to be here, I hope that day is soon.
I reach out for help
Everyone leaves
My mind is a blurr
Repressed memories
Where is my heart
All my emotion
Where is my drive
My love and devotion
“A drop in the ocean
A change in the weather
I have 76 pills and a bottle of alcohol…
41 pills of Lamictal
21 pills of Zoloft
and 14 pills of Zyrtec.
I have a 750 mL of MD 20/20
will this kill me? because if I take all this shit and then I wake up tomorrow..then I know for a fact I’m a failure
Hey. So, The fast few weeks i’ve been completely emotionless. I’ve tried to force myself to feel something, but i have no emotions at all, Its like i turned them off. I can’t have a normal conversation with anyone, I can’t do anything properly. I fake smile at the wrong time, I can’t even make myself laugh when i’m supposed to. I feel like i’m inhuman. I cry myself to sleep everynight, if i can sleep at all, But don’t feel sad or anything. Last time this happened to me, I didn’t get my emotions back until I woke up in the hospital after an […]
Would this be a bad way to go? Ethylene glycol poisoning?
How much would someone need to drink?
This is my story or just a part of it.
I hope you can understand me because my english is too bad,but I need to talk (in a strange way) about it.
I want to die since I have ten years,and I’m nineteen.
Nine years spending my days thinking about my suicide, thinking why I’m still here,wondering why is so difficult for me to die when is too easy for people who,actually, don’t want to die.
self-harming, anorexia, bulimia, pills;also I tried to have an “accident” crossing the street.
And I’m still here,hating me.
My scars are going away, but the pain is here,inside.
I went to […]