I started crying and I can’t stop. I feel empty and it hurts everything hurts. I just needed to say that because I can’t tell anyone right now and I just can’t stop. I don’t know hoe to stop and I’m getting hysterical and I need help but I’m empty and oh god.

Sometimes I’m overflowing with emotions that i dont even understand what exactly I’m feeling. But there are times ,like today , that I go so numb that no matter what happens ,I won’t feel a thing. It’s so weird like even if someone really close would die now I won’t shed a single tear. I iM so lost .

Through the dark days

I don’t blame anyone for the hand I’ve been dealt with in life.  Truthfully I have never indulged in self-pity, self-hate certainly and the desire to end my life yes but not pity, nor do I want pity, more than anything I need to share my story, to get it off my chest, and to thank those angels who helped me when I didn’t want to help myself.

 su·i·cide  

/ˈso͞oiˌsīd/

Noun

The action of killing oneself intentionally: “he committed     suicide at the age of forty”.

Verb

Intentionally kill oneself.

Synonyms

noun.
self-destruction – self-murder

verb.
take one’s own life – make away with oneself

The word that ended it all, my simple life […]

Im moving up my plans to commit this site’s namesake to a week from now. I would do it sooner, like last night! but that is the soonest I can arrange to do my fool proof method.

How do you know if you’re beautiful?

I JUST WISHED YOU COLD LIVE A DAY IN MY SHOES SO YOU COULD FUCKING UNDERSTAND HOW I REALLY FUCKING FEEL I JUST DOSNT UNDERSTAND HOW YOU COULD BE SO OBLIVIOUS. OPEN YOU FUCKING EYES BEFORE MINE CLOSE FOR THE LAST TIME.

Okay, I`m nervous, very, very nervous since I don`t think people will read this, but here I go.

Is it clear to you?
My perspective of things.
Is it clear to you?
As it is to me.
Is it clear to you?
The pain I`ve suffered.
Is it clear to you?
My strange everlasting wonder.
What`s wrong with you?
Since I`ve told my story.
What`s wrong with you?
I can see your confusion.
What`s wrong with you?
Why do you run away?
What`s wrong with you?
You stare at me with hate.
What`s wrong with me?
I can`t look at you.
What`s wrong with me?

I have a rare genetical disease that’s making me blind. I can hardly see anymore. It’s so difficult to write this post. The disease has also affected my muscles and nervous system. I’m wheelchair bound and I’m getting weaker day by day. I lost my job and my fiancee, she left me. I’m just 33 yrs and I wanted so much from life. But God has left me all alone. The doctor says I won’t ever get better. I’m going to die from either heart failure or breathing failure or failure of the liver/kidney. I don’t want to die in so much suffering. I want […]

I’m on the edge of life at this moment I just want to drop dead at this moment, let my sickness get worst and kill me, or just get it over with IDC how I do it with pills, knife, jump off a roof etc I just wanna be gone …any suggestions ?

Tonight I stayed home. By myself. I cry in the far corner of my room. I can’t take this anymore, hey, it IS the day of the dead. Why not celebrate on my wrists and legs and any other part? And for my big finale I’ll join everyone else six feet under.

this pain I feel won’t go away and it’s suffocating me. I can’t stand it. I don’t REALLY want my life to end but I just want the pain to go away.

It feels like I’ve been preparing for this forever and I’ve still got a long way to go. Less than 2 months yet. The method is ready and most of my personal things are taken care of. Packed up, donated, or tossed out. It feels good to travel a little lighter though.

Everyone thinks I’m fine but I’ve snapped months ago for the last time. My autopilot is on and I’m just saving, saving, saving. I plan to cover my expenses, put cash in the hands of my siblings for college, quietly distribute my things to people who I know could use them, and I’m even […]

Isn’t that pretty pathetic? From the time I wake up, I just wait until it’s late enough to go back to bed. Even if it’s just barely late enough. Oh and someone ripped me off today too. Just to add to my wonderful, already incredibly broke day.

I am depressive.  Much of the day I feel like existence is a burden and my life is a slog.  Although I am not unhappy all of the time.  I do have moments where I feel decent.  Sleeping is when I feel the happiest.  I often enjoy riding my bike, playing computer games, jerking off.  I was enjoying the autumn landscape this last month.  I find when I have suicide fantasies, I often feel better.  I’m just curious what makes other depressed people happy.

I have wished that I didn’t exist for years now. And you know what? I may have gotten my wish. It’s looking like I have kidney disease for sure and probably also liver disease. I don’t know the details yet, waiting for more test results. It takes the burden of suicide off of me, but I’m still terrified of death and of going to hell. It will also destroy family members if I die. I wonder if I’d even have peace. Would there be nothingness? Would I still be aware and feeling? Would I still feel sad, just in another realm?

Mirror, mirror on the wall,

Will you be there when I fall?

Will you be the one to wipe the blood,

the one that holds me when eyes flood?

Mirror, mirror tell me please,

help me hang the rope from trees?

Tell me that I’m beautiful,

remain vigilant and dutiful.

Mirror, mirror, please don’t go,

the only one who sees my low

the only one who sees my tears,

the only one I share my fears.

Mirror, mirror, see my scars,

help me reach the sky and stars.

Mirror, mirror, let me die,

the only one to see me cry

when you grap a chart of pills…

did you ever get that feeling?

unforntunately, i have only five pills of clonazepam. it won’t kill me. i already took six and drank, and i didn’t even pass out.

but… fuck. who am i fooling? i won’t kill myself. gotta love yourself a little bit to kill yourself.

i can’t love myself. the idea of loving myself disgusting me. it’s repulsive.

I should be happy.  I’m married, I have children.  I have a supportive spouse.  Society says I should be happy.  The thing is, I was a lot happier before I had to “settle down.” I liked having money.  I liked being able to do whatever I damn well pleased.  If I wanted to go out every night, I could do it.  If I wanted to go to the movies for the hell of it, I could do it.  I could buy things that I wanted.  There was no guilt or bad feelings. I was free to do as I pleased.  And I was happy.

I don’t […]

I saw a couple of posts about scars and just want to give a huge shoutout to the people here who cut or maybe used to and are feeling insecure about what it left behind.

I want to start by explaining that I think of life as war on a microscopic scale. It’s rude and dirty and you do what you have to – and you know what? Some of those things are going to leave marks.

The point being: I don’t understand how anyone could see scars, self-inflicted or otherwise, as ugly.

They are not ugly. They tell your story. Maybe they’re there because you did something […]

Every morning I lie in bed trying to find a reason to get up, or something to look forward to. I never find one.