it was my fault before and years later it still is. No matter what side I was on the abused or the abuser it still was me. My sins have caught up to me and it is more than I can bear. Take this pain from me and free the pain I caused. Free me. End me. I was taught this behavior but wasn’t saved from it. Don’t save me now I’m not worth it.  Should I go Out with a bang and take innocent lives with me? Why? They didn’t save me why should I save them. my time has come my cup runneth […]

Honestly, I don’t know what to do anymore. My best friend committed suicide a few months ago and I’m just dead on the inside. I’m numb to everything and pain doesn’t phase me. My life gets tougher and tougher everyday, even when I think its getting better..its not… I need to do something .instead of just wishing I was gone.

My upper thighs are covered in scars, mostly words and insults… I’ve been doing it since middle school, started with a safety pin, kiddie scissors, broken pencil sharpeners, and now I steal razors from school. I try to help people too, I just don’t take my own advice. I’ve saved a handful of souls, and that’s what’s important to me. I pretend I want to be a social worker, but realistically, I know I won’t live long enough to make that happen. I lie to my fiance about being happy, and getting better…I’m almost never happy anymore, and I’ve started seeing things; bugs, when I […]

At long last, I’ve found myself……As a kid I’ve always enjoyed my time of solitude. I didn’t need anyone’s company to keep me happy. And I was always this way….until sometime around the age of 1o and 11 I lost myself. I started to let people mess with me. I let them get in my head. I started to let people tell me I was no good. And I believed it. They would tell me that I was weird because I didn’t talk a lot like them. They would tell me that I was weak because I didn’t have any friends. They would tell me […]

Death used to scare me. Every time I thought of it, my entire body would shiver and I would think of people I love; how they would react, what would happen after I died, how they would cope. I didn’t want anyone I care deeply to be hurt because I died. Well, not anymore. Death is comforting now. It doesn’t scare me to think about it; it’s inviting even. And when I start to think of the ones I love, the thought that I will simply not be here rushes in. I won’t be here. It will all be over. All the pain, all the […]

You know what?
The cuts don’t hurt.
It hurts to wake up each morning and want to die.
It hurts to never be good enough.
It hurts to hate myself with such intensity that I think I deserve to starve.
It hurts to know I messed up.
And to think about what I could have done differently.
It hurts to keep it all a secret.
It especially hurts to know my family will never understand.
But the cuts? They don’t hurt a bit.

starting over no one knows my secrets i wonder everyday if i could get away with cutting again.

would anyone see it? if they did would they do anything about it?

i fear to know

I wish my life could be given to someone that can really appreciate it because I don’t want to live anymore. Life is unfair. And my parents don’t even care, they just think I’m exaggerating. I want to die for once but I’m a coward and I just don’t dare to do it. I expect too much from people and I can’t stand this loneliness. I don’t understand why me, why do I have to be so alone. Loneliness hurts. I’ts this world’s worst kind of pain. I just don’t want to suffer like this anymore.

Yeah. I literally just made a beautiful boy with ravens’ wings hang himself. (he got saved though) But… it makes me feel better. It’s almost like it’s happening to me, the way I describe it, and it just releases the want to die or cut or bleed. Sometimes I feel bad for them, though. I know they’re not real, but all the things I put them through.. But yeah, that’s how I let out my suicidal thoughts. And it works brilliantly…

Before time and light there was only the never beginning and never ending darkness, nothing was born yet everything died in the ever hungry and all consuming darkness only to be spat out as more darkness, darkness breading darkness that fed off its own darkness, ever hungry and never truly satisfied the darkness was destined to eat its own body to fuel its ever exspanding self, for the darkness was there before space and distance were concieved, making it incomprehensibly vast and infinitesimally minute, constantly growing and shrinking in complete chaos. but in its ever ravanous stomach something was brewing, bits of the darkness came […]

sigh…

NOTES FROM UNDERGROUND

By Fyodor Dostoevsky

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It was not only that I could not become spiteful, I did not know how to become anything; neither spiteful nor kind, neither a rascal nor an honest man, neither a hero nor an insect. Now, I am living out my life in my corner, taunting myself with the spiteful and useless consolation that an intelligent man cannot become anything seriously, and it is only the fool who becomes anything.

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I want now to tell you, gentlemen, whether you care to hear it or not, why I could not even become an insect. […]

SORROWS OF YOUNG WERTHER

by Goethe

How often I lie down in my bed with a wish, and even a hope, that I may never awaken again.
And in the morning, when I open my eyes, I behold the sun once more, and am wretched. If I were whimsical, I might blame the weather, or an acquaintance, or some personal disappointment, for my discontented mind; and then this insupportable load of trouble would not rest entirely upon myself.
But, alas! I feel it too sadly. I am alone the cause of my own woe, am I not? Truly, my own bosom contains the […]

THUS SPOKE ZARATHUSTRA

THE MAGICIAN

1.
WHEN however Zarathustra had gone round a rock, then saw he on the same path, not far below him, a man who threw his limbs about like a maniac, and at last tumbled to the ground on his belly. “Halt!” said then Zarathustra to his heart, “he there must surely be the higher man, from him came that dreadful cry of distress, – I will see if I can help him.” When, however, he ran to the spot where the man lay on the ground, he found a trembling old man with fixed eyes; and in spite of all Zarathustra’s efforts to lift him […]

I cant believe there are so many who feel like me. I have from time to time felt like there was no use going on. Getting hurt year after year by people who are supposed to love gets real old. I do have a way to go out….just go to sleep and never wake up. This time is it….I can do this. I am sure no one will hurt and i certainly would never have to feel pain again. Good night world

my boyfriend broke up with me it was very complicated the way we started but i fell in love with him i fell in love with him and i thought he loved me as much as i did but it turns out he doesnt hes not willing to work our problems out but i cant be me without him i feel empty like i dont belong here without him and i want to belong but i cant i already feel dead inside my little hope of some love exists is through the window i cant believe that it wont exist.

Bohemian Rhapsody

Idk.. I think there is a misconception about the Internet, like it’s suppose to be a friendly free for all of fairness. Especially here on SP. here on this site you are gonna run into a lot of people who feel that there is something very wrong with the world and people are the main focus. So expect judgement here, at home, at school…everywhere. I didn’t escape judgement then or now, and I promise you won’t either. It’s not anyone’s fault how you take that judgement. Some one can call me a fucking worthless shit, and it’s my fault if I want to cry about […]

confused, scared, broke and nothing to live for.  I too wish I had a way to end it all without the possibility of a failure.  Makes me angry that even suicide has to be such an inaccessible thing and has to be so carefully executed.  Wish things were more available than they were.  Seems any lethal drug like a sleeping pill is hard to get even in Mexico.

I feel like this is a good band for depressed people. They deal with dark topics and set it to a trance-y sound. Plus this video’s visually intense and I love it/I’d recommend anything by them, although they only have one album out so far.