Ever since a man, who I was involved in a brief affair with, decided to insult, attack, and ultimtely discontinue any contact with me because I “emasculated” him, I’ve been hating humanity.

I apologized, and such, but his abrasiveness continued, leading me to spend yesterday’s entierty crying, and exploring ways to kill myself.

I’m extremely sensitive, vulnerable to any semblence of rejection, mean words, or even subtle gesture. Not sure why I’m writing this even, perhaps because I want to remove it from my brain. I can’t sleep, or enjoy any moment of peace. I’m useless. My stomach churns acrobatically at my inferiority.

I’m so fucking ashamed of […]

Even if I am actually capable which I’m sure somewhere deep down I am…actually no. I am not sure of that. I’m trying so hard to imagine myself doing anything but in honesty I can’t imagine myself living another day. I cannot fathom what is in store for me, in the next week, month or year. I feel like my chest is being crushed right now because all my friends are succeeding or at least, they have the potential to do it. I am, each day, becoming more afraid of people, more awkward, more impossible to tolerate let alone love. And no one takes me […]

life is shit. that makes anyone who likes to live a coprophiliac, don’t?

sorry for that, i’m just bored.

why the world is so damn futile? everything annoys me. wake up, go to college, study, have stupid conversations with stupid people, go back home, have random and meaningless conversations with the members of my family. maybe work. maybe meet my gf. maybe go out and do some druggggggs (oh yeah). fuck, everything is so meaningless it makes me wanna throw up. gives me nausea. i’m feeling like roquentin in sartre’s romance. anyone has read? fuck. can anyone here convince me that life ain’t meaningless, worthless, futile and ridiculous? thanks.

So basically I “tried to kill myself” I tried to make myself “suffocate” in my sleep. Unfortunately when I woke up I was still alive. But when I woke up I felt extremely tired and I was VERY lightheaded. I was going to try to overdose on vitamin D , vitamin E and Iron (I have 2 bottles of vitamin D and 2 bottles of vitamin E) But I was afraid that I wouldn’t die and that I would be in a lot of pain and I would have to tell my older sister that I overdosed. So I tried to take the safe way out…I […]

That pretty much sums up my evening. (Just a random post, felt like talking to someone, but I have no one to talk to!)

 

I lost my job.  Or I should say, I was fired.  But I lied about it and said I was let go.  Why? Because my parents made me this way. They made me so terrified to tell them the truth that I have resorted to lies for years.  I lied about failing out of school and that turned into the most terrifying experience of my life.  And now I’ve lied about this.  But they are going to find out. There are circumstances surrounding this, and they will find out.  And when that happens, I don’t think I can endure the consequences.  I am an adult, […]

I just want to kill myself but when i’m about to take the pills i just can’t. It’s frustrating and i hate myself. I just can’t anymore

I mean, life is a fucking prison, right?

We are sentenced “to life” by our very own parents. It is already hard enough to get over this betrayal, that after we acknowledge this,, we are faced with another dilemma, what kind of inmate do we become…?

Remember the Shawshank Redemption? We can sit and wait for death like Morgan Freeman and the others did, or we can work and risk our necks trying to die better like the other guy did. “Get busy living or get busy dying” he said, more like “get busy if you want to die better”. In prison or out, he was eventually […]

I really don’t see he point in trying to fix it. It’s not like he cares anyway. I can’t think of a wag to make him understand. I’ve had this eating disorder for 3 years now. It’s not something I can just give up. I hate the doctors. I swear if they make me stay at this weight I’ll die. There’s no point in living if I spend my life hating myself..

i’ve been going to school (College) for 7 years now, i’ve taken up 3 different courses namely Bs Medical technology, Bs Respiratory therapy and Emergency medical service. the reason why im suicidal is because i hate school and i hate my poor decision making and oh im not a kid anymore im 23.

i’ve always end up dropping all my subjects when im in my 3rd year, i don’t know why but there is always this bad situations that keeps on happening and causing me to lose my interest in continuing my studies or maybe because im too lazy to continue doing it. i dont know.. […]

This is coming from the view point that I work my ass off and still I can hardly afford to even pay my rent. Living “paycheck to paycheck” fucking SUCKS!!

Everywhere I go I see people driving nice cars, some people obviously deserve the best if that’s what they work for and desire..I get that about some people. But still, out there are people who seem incapable of working a hard day in their lives, people who drive Mercedes with handi cap plates, and those who can’t drive at all. Hell, just yesterday some old lady in a fancy BMW ran a red light from a […]

Please help me.

I sit before you, skin white and flesh exposed.
Little pink ruts line my arms and my legs.
How long would it take you to notice
Had I not taken the time to show you?

Maybe this is the solace I need.
Knowing that I may never reveal
Myself to you this way again
So that I may indulge in the infliction.

I am starting to get cold
And feel as though I’m withering away
Into abysmal darkness
Where the happiness cannot reach me.

I’m naked and afraid of the pain I bring
Upon my milky body that aches for you.
I just want your touch and I […]

I want to find the one person who I could trust with my secrets, my warped twisted secrets. Bearing my soul completely, I could only imagine. I have nobody that I could even tell if I was down, never mind any of what is clawing it way out of my mouth. I had one person, she knew my little secrets, she held me when I cried, she listened to the little I felt I could tell her. I regret it completely… I should never have told her any of that, I gave her the knife, she took it and twisted it into my back.

As […]

Thoughts of you bring me the deepest pain. I’ve written messages to you so many times that I’ve filled a little over half of a composition book, yet you haven’t seen one…because every time I think about telling you how I feel, I remember how happy you are without me and I cut my skin hoping to leak my soul…there’s only blood. You’re happy and that’s all that matters..so whatever, nevermind.

i need someone

who is willing to write lyrics for me

i wanna gift my frndz a song

so just need someone to write about a nostalgic song

can anyone help???????

For every day I live a small piece of me dies. For all the moments I spend with out you, for all the breaths you’ll never take, for all the smiles you’ll never smile, for all the tears you’ll never shed a piece of me dies. I find my way for her, I make myself go on for Annabelle. I live because her innocence saves me, her laughter gives me strength, and her touch is my saving grace. For every breath she takes, for all the smiles she smiles, for all the love she has, a piece of me holds on. I can’t explain […]

I thought I had ditched this site for good, thought I finally had my life in order, but hey look at me here I am again. And I’ve probably got a hundred new cuts coming along with me too, another habit I thought I had ditched. I’m probably the closest I’ve ever been to ending it all right now, almost to the point of breaking completely. And my so-called “friends” are the ones that put me here. Thanks, guys. So glad that you guys care so much as to push me away and then cry because “I’ve been drifting away.” The boy I’ve only known […]