I’m sick of reality, it just makes me worse. So that’s why I write. Â I write to create my own worlds to which I can escape for a while. But… I’m running out of ideas, and my worlds are shrinking. One day, they’ll all be gone. One day, I won’t be able to escape. One day, I’ll become trapped in reality with no way to escape it. And I’m scared for when that day arrives.
I few days ago I had a meeting with my doctor an psychiatrist, and my doctor was like: “Oh, and ofcourse next week thursday is your leaving date.” Just in middle of the conversation, and I was like: “What??!! O.o” because it wasn’t the plan, we would discuss about what next, staying longer in the psychiatric hospital or getting therapy, on next week tuesday, and he already made a discision, which he would not change clearly. They had the plan to send me home with no therapy, while I still need help, and I wrote a poem about it, because I waa really confused […]
I haven’t so much as had a sip of alcohol in 16 years, but last night I threw an empty bottle into the parking lot. It was late, like 3:30, and I wanted to be alone. I had just lost something special. Special to me, but something you wouldn’t understand. I left my house and walked down the street, alcohol in my hand. I lived up the street from a church. I didn’t try the door, instead I parked myself in the front lawn. I watched the cars pass by, some paying attention to the red lights and others not giving a damn. I threw […]
Riding on the euphoria high produced from a testosterone fueled morning of sex, high intensity exercise and psychotropic stimulants, I had a moment to reflect on myself and realise a few things about myself.
I can do anything I want to do. This is important because as well as being a strength, it is also a weakness. It depends entirely on whether I want to do it. If someone were to ask me to do something I don’t really want to do, I would be much less likely to actually succeed. But it is also a strength because if I have the motivation to achieve something, […]
A childhood of comlpete stagnation has left me entirely apathetic. Apart from my parents living a world apart (literally), there have been no major events in my life that have left me emotionally scarred. That being said, I feel so emotionless that I consider suicide on a daily basis. I’m still in school at the moment, but I’m coming up to my final year. I fear that as soon as I leave school, all contact with anyone besides my mum will be cut. Whenever I look to the future, all I see is myself commiting suicide. My indecisiveness and lack of motivation often lead me […]
I have survived many things. But lately everything comes back as one big nightmare. I’ve lost my best friend and myself. I don’t know what to do with my life. It’s like it has no meaning, kinda seems that if I were to leave no one would notice. No one would care. I hate myself I can’t do anything fucking right. Life is a big pile of shit. They say we all have a purpose but if you can’t find your fucking “purpose” then what’s the point. Everyone tells me to kill myself anyways. I’m at the point that you just no longer know what […]
Life is a *****… what else is there to say? I deserve to be happy don’t I? what have i done wrong? what sort of punishment is this? a torture where life is synonyms with the pain that surrounds me…
I’m new here. I wasn’t sure where else I could go and find support. I’ve suffered on and off with suicidal ideations for the past 7 years. I work as a figure model for artists and students and it was the only thing that really helped me until recently. I have zero contract with family. I usually spend my holidays and birthdays sleeping or reading. I’m close to being thrown out of my place and I’ve failed the majority of my interviews all summer due to no experience in a tiny area or lack of education. I’m not to the point yet where I want […]
Don’t grow up. If you are grown up already, consider a change of profession before it’s too late. It’s boring and you’re not allowed to have fun. Ever. People think you’re weird if they see you playing in the snow while wearing a business suit. Need I go on?
Life is for living. That should offer all anyone needs, but when you start realizing that the world is a complicated place, and nobody actually knows anything, and the easy answers don’t add up to much more than hot-air, it’s easy to forget what living is. Look at squirrels. They’re living. They know how to live like […]
Hello.
I will be around for the next hour if anyone wants to talk. I don’t mind what it is, I just want to listen and advise. No judgement.
<3
I will refresh page every 5 mins.
Also, here is a great song to listen to for a bit if your feeling deep.
i’m 32. single. only child. unable to have children. no personal relationships of substance to speak of. blah.
01/14/2011 – my mom died of cancer, in my arms.
02/13/2011 – found my father’s body, alleged heart attack; i say intentional insulin OD.
09/01/2012 – ended my relationship, i’m alone again.
04/28/2013 – learned i am unable to have children.
07/29/2013 – lost my job, now completely broke.
08/02/2013 – ex never paid our taxes with the $ i gave him; my home is to be sold at auction on 09/03/2013.
08/12/2013 – good friend committed suicide.
08/17/2013 – (today) received an eviction notice, proceedings start 09/08/2013.
with no life, no family, no money, no […]
I’m gonna hang myself tonight. I have no more hope everything’s just too fucked up and life has no fucking sense. It’s time for me to go.
When SP is dead I find myself reading the post from years and years ago. It makes me wonder how many people have gone on to leave this earth and how many are still here….I’m inclined to believe more people left than stayed by reading some of the stories. Does anybody know of actual members that have really passed? I know its unlikely that you would know but I’m just curious
90% of my time is spent listening to music.
It helps distract me from my surroundings and it supresses my anxiety.
Music is a great form of therapy.
I’m going to post a few of my favourite songs for when I’m in a crappy mood.
Enjoy!
Have you ever gone running, and pushed yourself to run faster?
And when you run faster, do you find yourself gasping for air, trying to hold on and keep going?
I feel like that everyday. Like no matter what I do, I’m pushing and fighting.Things can never just be easy.
So, for reasons beyond my control I had to transfer to a different college. It ended up being one in Florida.
It was not a good decision to make. I was pulled into some very bad bullshit by a slut who claimed a guy raped her (she also dragged me out to the night clubs at the beach a lot and slept with guys in the night club). And because of my association with her I was not treated right on the campus.
Over time things kept getting worse.
(To be honest, part of the reason she dragged me out was because she and some other people wanted […]
I dont think i realise how much i hate myself untill last night . Â I drink too much , i sleep around, i have hack my arm over and over last night there was so much blood i thought i might actually die but im still here and that i can tell you is the worst part. I want out not in the way i want to actually talk to someone or some shit like that but in the actually i want my heart to stop beating. I want cancer, i want a disease that will kill me. I want the pill to actually work, […]
She is going tomorrow. there will be no one left in the house but him and I. He says he won’t drink again. He says he won’t hurt me. He said all those times he beat me, strangled me, shot at me. It was just to scare me He didn’t want to kill me. We see thing differently he said. I believe him. When he is sober most of the time he doesn’t. When he is drunk I don’t think he sets out to kill me. He just wants me to submit.
he found the website last night. He said he didn’t want time to die. […]
Well, when, i was in high school i met my first boyfriend. I was young and naive. That cost me so much of my life. My “bf’” had multiple personalities. He would press me against the wall chocking me and threaten me before he would rape me, if my life was the only one he threatened i wouldn’t have cared. I was scared for my family, whom he threatened constantly but i had no proof other than what he said, which continued for 2 years. After which we already had a baby i graduated high school and was looking for a job. ( i graduated […]
One of my bestfriends that ive known for a while who was gay and just really loved or hated,I guess you would call him a ‘character’ were from a big city and everybody knew him and he would judt talk smack and always get into fights,guys and girls too (but thats nit the point)
Well anyways he was super crazy and all that and I loved that about him,we even got into fist fights too yea that kind of friend ,well anyways his family had money issues so they would move back and forth to mexico well this time he […]