My family told me to go kill myself.
I got raped 4 days ago.
My friends locked me in a cupboard throughout the whole school day and I got shouted at.
I want to die. I want to be free.
If I don’t succeed I will be back 🙂

if it can be safely assumed that there are about 1 quadrillion ants on
earth and roughly 7 billion humans then that means that theres a 7/1 million
chance that you are a human and not an ant. And thats just ants…

Ivory skin, your body’s still warm

Don’t you leave me here,

My heart’s not ready to mourn

Tired eyes, not yet closed

Don’t you leave me here,

Be my perfect ghost

Your heart, is beating

I have hope

That you’re not yet leaving

Don’t you leave me here

I refuse to cope

The sun will rise

The sun will set

But you’ll be gone,

And I won’t forget

The river still runs

The creek still flows

But you’ll be gone

And my heart will slow

A quiet rain hides my teary eyes

Nowhere to run; nowhere to hide.

Your skin is too cold for me to touch

I can’t look away, it hurts too much.

Sunny days have disappeared

No more sunlight to dry my tears

Your heart is slowing

Why […]

Hey everyone, I’m new to this website and this is the first post I’ve ever made on here. I’m 17, entering my senior year in high school. On the exterior, it might look like I have a good life: I have good grades, a great group of friends, and I’m not in any financial trouble. I smile a lot because it’s expected of me. I don’t remember the last time I’ve smiled for myself. Everything I do feels forced and fake.

When I was four years old, my mother killed herself. She hung herself, and I walked in on her hanging there. This stayed with me […]

How do you know when everything is done?

When every avenue has been tried, and nothing has actually shifted enough to make life something more than tolerable?

How do you know?

I believe that living organisms naturally seek life, and so I understand that to feel this way – to want to die, to stop – is not the natural order of things.  it takes a tremendous amount of will, and even in the oddest ways our bodies will still fight for life while our minds are saying “stop, no, let go.”  I believe this, and I know from experience how hard it is to push the body […]

I wish I was smarter.

I wish I was prettier.

I wish I was stronger.

I wish someone noticed me.

I wish I was happier.

I wish my family wasn’t falling apart.

I wish my father would dissapear.

I wish I could help my mom.

I wish I had friends.

I wish I never started cutting.

I wish I never started smoking.

I wish I knew what love really is.

I wish I wasn’t the black sheep of my family.

I wish I could knew what a happy marriage looked like.

I wish I could follow my dreams.

I wish…but this is life.

Depression is killing me and its getting worst. Every morning i wake up defeated wishing i didnt wake up. Its hard to face the day without a drink or cutting into my thigh. I have no value to society i can honestly say everybody around me hates me i see the disgust in their faces counting the seconds till im gone. The only contact i have with people is being used to get drugs or take my money. I hate everything about myself my looks, personality and intelligences. I look at others thinking how great they are and how im practically invisible unnoticed maybe even […]

Hey guys,
If you have needed someone, I do apologize for not being here much. Recently I have not been feeling so wonderfull mentally, and I have kind of just let life pass me. I know, I should do something, but I feel I am losing strength and energy to live life. Sorry. I do check my emails and if anyone needs to email me to talk, I’m here. I don’t know how much I will be able to do, but I will try.

brl.cents@gmail.com

What do you answer to people who say that?

“If you really want to die, you jump in front of a train, that’s it.”

All of  man will hurt

The world will hurt

Pain is the promise of tomorrow

Life bringing promise for pain

All of man causing pain

The world causing hurt

The only promise to man

As I researched various ways to exit and review all my wasted and painful years I thought “I might as well take care of my plants”. They needed repotting and I’m clueless. So a very nice woman at the gardening store repotted my plants and explained the basics. She wouldn’t accept any money.  She was a good egg. Very rare these days. She even wiped off the dirt on the outside of the pots though I offered to do it myself. So even though I’m in great pain I’m glad my plants are doing well and have room to grow. They look happy in their […]

This is my first time back on in two months… I’ve suffered some complications and hurt… But I think I will be okay now… All I can do is hope.

For quite a while now I’ve had the thought of suicide lingering in my mind. Though my -life- as it is isn’t that bad, with its ups and downs and everything, I still don’t feel like staying alive anymore. I am not doing bad at school, I’ve never been bullied or have bullied someone else. My brother is awesome and an incredible man, and I admire him so much.

However, and regardless of the “happy” moments that I have from time to time, I feel like I am going nowhere, I have plenty of projects, but do none of them. I want to be fit and […]

This might seem a bit random and down right beside the whole point but has anyone ever thought about putting on like a favorite article of clothing on before you die?

I know its a really odd question but I had thought about it while passing over a bridge.

I figure. Why the hell not? I would go put on my favorite red stilettos and do a majestic leap of faith.

Lol I guess I would look good up until my face hit the pavement.

(Please take no offense in this,  I am  just sharing my crazy inner thoughts and treat this forum somewhat like a diary)

There lies a such clinging misery in the finality of someone you love leaving. It just sits there, lying on top of you for so, so long. There is nothing you could possibly attempt to actually take your mind off it for more than ten minutes. For me, it was when my ex left me. Someone who I cherished far more than I’ll ever feel myself, and who I put grand amounts of money and double that  in time. She meant the world to me, and I didn’t mean so much as to stay loyal to. She cheated on me seven times in the six […]

I’ve thought of suicide a lot because of social anxiety and shame but I’ve never actually attempted suicide. I feel like I don’t have it that bad but feel that if I was pushed a little further I might end up ending myself. I haven’t felt so scared in my life.

I haven’t cut for two months. My scars were finally starting to heal. I’m in such a weak place right now, and no one understands. I’m so confused and I don’t know what to do. Everyone is leaving me and I feel so alone. I can’t keep my thoughts straight and I’m home alone which terrifies me. It feels like I’m crying out for help in a crowded  room and no one even bothers to stop and look.

I had one good day and then things fell apart. There were 2 1/2 decent weeks leading up to my one good day.  Then my health problems came back.  My health issues came back in an instant. The summer is basically over and I’m sick of this cycle. I can’t string together 3 good weeks. It’s hard to build a life this way. At times I really hate myself and my life. I ask people “What’s the point?” and they have no sensible answers. Having that one good day I could see that life is much better when your health is good and normal and […]