Well just saw that I misspelled my username
I can’t even get that right
I should just die right away

Speaking of which a guy I know offered me a suicide “pact”
He wants us to comit it togheter. I don’t know if I should do it or not. I wanna say yes but what if I chicken out ? What if I mess up ? What if things don’t go as planned?
I wanna die but I keep asking myself do I REALLY want it 100%. I mean if that’s the case then why haven’t I done it by now? Why haven’t I […]

u think u can tell me off…your sopposed to be my aunt gosh I fuckin give up…….

THE SITE WOULDN’T LET ME UPLOAD ANYTHING!!!! THE FACEBOOK LINS GO TO MY FRIENDS FB!!!!!!!

https://m.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=181920401989585&id=100005148783287&set=pcb.181920415322917&refid=13

https://m.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=181920388656253&id=100005148783287&set=pcb.181920415322917&refid=17

IF THE LINKS DONT WORK THEN TYPE IN Cayla Greenawalt (Twiggy) ON FACEBOOK AND GO TO MOBILE UPLOADS THE TWO PICS WITH ^-^ IN THE COMMENTS ARE MINE!!!!!!!!

Release (me..)

I hope this is the final revelation followed by action, for what is a revelation in itself? I see a universe inside me and there is a god there, he was’nt there when I was born but with each passing day he took birth and grew stronger. And I am not saying this in a good way. The loop is in me, there is a disconnect in my brain and it is tough to mend it.

The solution is to let me go. Beg for wishes like we always do, but this time beg your own self for things, for you are all there […]

My life hasn’t been easy. I lost my family in a car crash when i was 2. I get beat, starved and sexually assauled by my adopted family. I cut and attempted suicide 5 times. My stepdad even uses me for sex. I will get tied down and he gets paid for perverts to come in and use me. Ive moved around so much in my life, the longest ive been somewhere was a month 1/2. Ive tried to tell teachers, cops, parents etc. but no one would beilve me because of my ADHD and being in the psych center as much as i have.

At […]

There is no choice in depression. It is not an option that I, we, elect. We didn’t want to be subjected to the hate we have for ourselves, or the pure misery that comes standard with seeing the light peer through the curtains of  a morning’s sunshine. I, for one, did not want to spend every FUCKING day in contemplation of whether it is really worth getting out of bed just to fuck up again and again and again. I wanted to grow old with that one special person, being able to look back on my life knowing that I had done my very best, […]

No one is at home, this is the last chance. I thought about it alot and if I happen to fail there is no going back.. I haven’t taken in any pills yet but I already feel very sick just from thinking of them and my stomach is churning really bad. It’s 11:00 AM here and my brother gets back at 1 o’clock  so I need to hurry.. Should I live, or die? Please be honest!

When i got back from my gospel camp i felt “new” in a way i felt good inside everything was turning around then the “shit hit the fan”. About a few weeks from being back my little sister went to Seattle for her round up band thing and my mother is a volunteer for this band. turns out my mom met some guy who is another volunteer with the round up band and now my parents are splitting up and that’s just one of the things that making me stress out hardcore. If any of you have read my other posts you would have noticed […]

Sliced my thigh open, needless to say it (death) didn’t happen. It (the experience of slicing myself open) was fun, loved itt! A wonderful rush, some drugs, some stitches and I’ve been healed (praise the lord!). Didn’t hit anything important I suppose but it’s whatever. I’m thankful for the experience. I’ve grown from it. Wheee I’m done.

Ya’ll are some beautiful souls.

Didn’t even get to meet god.

Or Satan.

Hospital bills are a rip off.

no no this cant be happening ive been feeling better for a month no thoughts of sucide no thoughts of depprsion ive been going to the gym and been feeling so much better but now all of a sudden its rushing back why is this happening i hate feeling like that what do i do i have that feeling of sorrow deep inside me it hits like bullet in my chest

I just want to cry. I can’t. I want to be depressed. I can’t. I want to fall apart. I can’t. I don’t miss it, at all. I just… I can’t anymore. My life is pretty steady. Easy going. I laugh, smile, I’m generally happy I just want to break. Fall down. I just can’t cry. I’m not allowed. I won’t let myself. I can’t go back. I’ve learned a lot, seen a lot, done a lot. I just want to be a mess. I know that won’t fix anything. I’ve been holding on. Everyone around me is happy, I’m happy. Why do I want […]

I think this is the beginning of the end. My 15th birthday was almost a month ago, I wasn’t ever suppose to make it that far. I’m suppose to be dead, I want to be dead. It’s the summer where I live and everyone seems to be having the time of there life, everyone except me. I don’t leave my house, my bed to be more specific. I don’t need to leave the house in order to feel judged, I’m my worse critic. I’m not pretty enough, skinny enough, smart enough, I’m nothing that anyone wants. I don’t even like myself, let alone love myself. […]

I used to be really depressed, even hung myself once in a motel room only to be stopped by housekeeping. Any way over the past couple of years i have been feeling much better and honestly thought i was over it. this last year it is as if there is some force that is jamming me down into a deep hole and won’t let me out. My car is a piece of shit so i start saving for a new one, it gets stolen this week and i am at $450 and counting fixing it, savings gone. I start working out to get my old […]

I know everyone is different. I get that. I get that some people find some things offensive, while others don’t.

But for god’s sake, don’t go around calling people dykes.

I was at a group therapy thing, and this guy comes up to me and goes “Hey, you’re that dyke right?”

What. The. Fuck.

And he’s done it to like two other people in our group!

Some people don’t find that offensive, but I do. It’s just fucking stupid to say that without knowing the person. To many people I know, that’s derogatory.

Oh, and to clarify, I’m bisexual.

Fuck you.

The reason I find it so bad, is that all my life, […]

Hello…this is the first time I write something like this, but I hope it works…
Never make someone your everything, because when that someone gets tired of you, you’ll have nothing…I’ve heard that so many times; and I didn’t believe it till now. My stupid decisions made me who I am….an empty girl who just wanna die. I lost my best friend…the only person I could lean on, she got tired of me all suddenly. Well not that suddenly…It was my fault, I abandoned her first, but I just wanted a real family for once…does that makes me selfish? I think that I’m selfish after […]

I don’t like being weak. But damnit I must be. I cry every time I’m sad and I can never get past my mistakes. But I can see why. I’m honestly ruining my dad’s life. Me stressing him out is causing him to have seizures. My negativity is sucking the life out of my own father. Whenever I try to change I just end up doing something else wrong. My dad wants my mom to come back home and I’m too selfish to not have an attitude with my mother, for my dad’s sake. I so often contemplate suicide. I honestly think it would make […]

It’s fucking ridiculous. Finally get my boyfriend back after cheating on him and lying on him, and now my depression and paranoia comes back full swing.

A couple months ago, I met a guy who I had tons of things in common with, and long story short we had an affair after my boyfriend started pushing me away. I ended up telling him, and he dumped me. But now, we’ve worked things out and it’s mostly in the past.

The other day,, we were laying in the grass. He turned to me and asked me to marry him. We had already been planning on it before all […]

Imagine this:
You come home from another shit day at school. The bullying, the classes you’re failing, the loneliness. You’re sick of everything. You walk into the lounge room and slump onto your couch. Your little brother sits happily next to you, smiling at the cartoons on the TV. He turns around and asks how your day at school went. You say everything was ‘fine’. Blatant lie. He says that’s good and goes back to watching cartoons. You lean over to his cheek and give him a kiss. He turns to you again and says “What was that for?” You smile and say I love […]

Hi there, I posted here about a month ago, maybe a month and a week, when I’d felt like killing myself. I’d just had been through a breakup with the first guy I ever liked, and I was stressed about college, and a variety of things happened that contributed to the feeling. However, this post isn’t like that. This is a happy post, mostly.

To start off with, when you love someone, it’s either going to end in a harsh break up or marriage.  Usually at a younger age, it’s a break up.  There’s not a whole lot I can say on the matter except this […]

I haven’t written anything for a while. I guess because I was getting better. That’s the hardest part about living with depression, it can go away but it’ll keep on coming back, it really makes me want to just give up. Well, I really was getting better, my confidence was really increasing, I stared communicating a bit more, I even went out more. And just this past month it began to eat me up again. Just this month which is eight days I’ve collapse more than three times. I just break into tears and I feel as If I cannot be saved. I guess now […]