Again and again I find myself wishing and praying to be dead. If only I could get out of here I wouldn’t have to be in so much pain all of the time. If only I had to courage to actually do something for real that would take me out. If only…but the days go by and still I’m here, a desperately sad and lonely person who can’t stop crying. I’ve lost so much and I don’t think I can bear it. Nor do I have to wherewithall to do what I have to do to move on. I just don’t want to. I feel […]

The last 6 years of my life have been an absolute hell.  A hell within my own mind/body.  But hell nonetheless.  I feel like I need to make a decision to end my suffering soon or end up in hell for the next 60 years.  Fate has chosen how my life will end up.  Please tell me there’s more to life than this.  God dammit this reality is so fucked up.

It’s easier to hide your pain behind a screen.

It’s easier to type something but then delete it.. no one has to see

your face.. no one has to know you wanted to say something..

Let’s keep it that way.. 

No one has to know about your hate

No one has to know just yet..

just wait.. wait and wait until the right time..

Then snap.

Then kill them.

Today I realized something about the world. No one can handle my deep sadness; there is no person alive–or, if there is there are very very few, and probably live in Tibet or something–that can stand by me without leaving or lying or being drained.

The world has broken the last bit of trust I had. I trust no one. The world has spoken: they want the fake me. They’ll only accept me if I put on a mask of happiness. So, I will swallow my sadness. I will swallow my anger. I will let no one inside. You want to know how my day was? […]

I have a pair of blue eyes stopping me from leaving. I love living, when I’m not hurting. But lately I’ve seen no point. I wonder if she’d remember me? Her mom would tell her about me I bet. Too bad I haven’t done anything note worthy though. I’ve caused a lot of heart ache to her when I’m down. And I’m down more and more nowadays. I even had a dream, a very vivid dream about ending it with my hand gun. I wish I didn’t hurt anymore.

I am consistently in pain and my thoughts are in a turmoil that would rival the fiercest of whirlpools. I have thought about suicide for upwards of 15 years now and I recently tried killing myself after walking out on my job(just couldn’t take the people). I drove my car through a guardrail and into a tree. After the failed attempts I went into a stint of self mutilation, usually burning in some fashion. Now, the burning no longer helps and day after day the thoughts of me ending it get stronger and stronger.

Why is it that when I look into my life I see […]

I was once told that suicidal people were people just fishing for compliments. I think it’s a little more than just that.

Ever since the third grade I have been shifted to therapist to therapist, nothing seems to work. The phrase “I want to kill myself” has always crossed my mind, but I always wonder when I will have the will power to do it. What will be the last straw? What outrageous thing will push me over the edge. Im sitting here wondering, do I want to even see what this thing is? My life hasn’t been easy, and im not just saying that. In the past four years, I watched my mother struggle with cancer, ive gotten diagnosed with Chrones disease, ive been depressed, suicide, […]

I don’t know what I want anymore. Somedays, I feel like all I have is suicide, but the next day, I feel like I can pull myself out of this. I’m so lost. I’m stuck between life and death. I can’t tell which one is more terrifying. Somedays, I feel like I have friends, even if they’ll never understand me, I don’t feel so alone. But others, I feel so alone, like I’ll never be good enough to keep anyone in my life. I keep screwing things up and alienating people. I just want to be normal. I just make life hard for everyone who […]

I miss both my friends so much. It feels like a huge part of my heart is gone.
Knowing I’ll never hear their voices or feel their hugs kills me.
It’s hard to imagine life without those two.
I feel like the best thing to do it join them.
I love them so much. <3

Corey Jay Dykes 26/9/1995 – 23/3/13
Lachlan Robert Sloper Bailey 15/5/1994 – 23/3/11

I'll see you soon. <3

I’m actually not.  That’s the strange thing.  .

I’ve known I was going to kill myself for over ten years, ever since I was 17.  Now I am 28.

If anyone has reasons not to die it is me.  I have a great job with more money than I know what to do with.   I have two little girls, not yet 5 years old.  My best friend lives with me.  My wonderful boyfriend loves me dearly.  I am healthy and, if not pretty, at least very intelligent and fun to be around.

But I am going to die.  I have attempted it almost successfully many times before. […]

ok…. why am I typing?  Why am i breathing?  if life has taught me anything its that happiness doesn’t last.  and that it isn’t real. nothing is real.  i am sick of the pain.  and I am tired of the tears.  I am tired of being forgotten.  And I am tired of fighting.  I have been here too many times.  And I can’t do it any more………………………..

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ptzzU7jFQwo

Coming Down – Five Finger Death Punch (It’s all about suicide and the pressures of life.)

Dear Noob World or to whom ever reads this;

i cant fucking take it anymore all these shit brained lemmings out there the mass of zombies reveling in their ignorance and retardedness has pissed me the fuck off

Although everyone on Earth has failed to give me even half the accolades and praise that i should get, me inf1n1, being the 3rd coming of christ, I will still fulfill my destiny. You’re welcome.

For you discusting pukes, I will shed my blood to once again open the gates of heaven. Because of me, you heathen beasts won’t have to endure any locust, floods, toads or nukes…

So, start erecting […]

There’s this girl dressed in all black
People stare at her as she walks
she could careless about what people thought
what a lie she tells herself everyday

There’s a girl who never says a word
She won’t speak her thoughts
She believes that her words are useless
She lives in her head

There’s a girl who had to many scars to count
On her skin she screams with anger
Under her clothes lays the truth
Nobody wants to know

There’s a girl who screamed
Nobody came running
Nobody heard
No one saved her from him

There’s a girl who’s afraid
To leave her room
To tell the truth

So it has been a while since i have last posted on here.

How is everyone? Has anyone been in the process of recovering or making an improvement?

I went and bought the 21 cubic foot tank filled with ********, a couple hours later got the regulator with a different piece to put in to switch it to psi. now whats a goods psi to put it on so it is done effeciently? I think  read like 8 or something??? Someone with knowledge not just throwing numbers out please. People put out alot of mis information on these forums like they have done it many times. My grandma died next to me last weekend and that was the final straw but I planned it many times before her death this just helped push […]

So I was in the hospital in January for suicidal ideation.  Killing myself was just at the tip of my fingers. There was no doubt I would do it any day. The hospital just made me worse. It’s not what I thought it would be at all. I can’t believe the way the workers treated patients there. Just unbelievable! I’m still questioning myself about why I’m still here. I think about it everyday. I’m wasting the little bit of energy that I do have trying to push through the days. I’m not working right now, because I’m on medical leave due to mental health. I […]

My psychiatrist asked me today 3 times if he should be worried.

My world’s caving in on me. My friends have become my enemies. Deep down, they wish I’d just kill myself already.

Everything’s clear now. I thought I’d get over this feeling. I feel hopeless.

There are people who have gone through with it and now it’s time. Time for me to get away. Far away from here.

I’m going to make a video. My last video. If I have the guts, I will post it onto here.

I am so scared right now. I’m trying to distract myself.

I’ll never be what everybody else wants me to, therefore I am not good enough.

I’M EMPTY. I HAVE NO HEART. I NEED […]