I have never been a very social person, thats how im going to start this story. I never had any friends growing up and I was always labeled as a weird kid, but nevertheless I wasnt bothered by this. somehow during highschool I found myself making friends and going out riding around and having fun times. After high school I went through a shit load of shit and you know what? I learned that no one cared. So I learned how to isolate and seperate myself from the rest of the world, and maybe for once in my life I was content that I didnt […]

I wrote a poem today. About all the misunderstoodment about how I look like and how I really feel. My therapists don’t understand me, I explained it so many times. They keep saying that I don’t have a mask and that it’s the real me how I act, but that I think it’s a mask. Yeah right, so I have feeling so depressed for so many times, but acted like I was happy, but my therapists tell me that I really was happy in that time. So they tell my that I haven’t felt suicidal and depressed? How can they know what I feel?

Here’s the […]

I did something brave this week I went to my school social worker and got help but things didn’t work out the way I thought it would although going to the social worker was not a bad experience. She made the call to my mom(both agreed on)   my mother doesn’t really believe me and told me not to go to back and that what I need to do is pray and read my bible and that the social worker wouldn’t even be able to help.. *sigh*  I actually used to pray for my depression to go away for a while. I didn’t think it […]

i feel alive when im nt breathing and that the only way i calm down by shutting my body

…

Verse

I’m just the tormented soul

Your siren songs cajole

You knew you had control

But you didn’t want what you stole

I’m just a haunted home

You peered in through a window

Right before you threw the stone

Just to say you knew me before I broke

 

Pre-Chorus

And I broke

Like your promises

Chorus

What happened to old-fashioned robbery

When you’d only take what you’d need?

You poison me with reckless greed

Hoping just to make me bleed

What’s with today’s new, hollow crime

That you breed your hate to fill the time?

Bitter is your cyanide

The quickest way to make life die

Verse

I’m just the dirt beneath your feet

And by the time we meet

You’re already crushing me

Yet, I mistake it for company

I’m […]

I’m not alone. I have a wonderful boyfriend he treats me right. I’m so lucky I have him I was so close and now I have something to live for. I do not deserve him. He puts up with so much. I can’t help but push him away but he always comes back and holds me when I can’t breathe. I really thought that if I knew what it felt like to be cared about all of this mess in my head would go away I was wrong. I still feel so disconnected and hurt all the time. I still wish I was dead. I […]

Bless your soul little one,
for though you fake your strength,
it is but a petty act.
Bless your soul little one,
for you say you could care less,
it is but a lie.
Bless your soul,
thy weakling,
Bless thy soul.
May your demons send you grace
and may your pain in hell be small.
Oh, Bless your soul thy little one.
For though you seem to have guilt,
your act of ignorance is greatly built.
Bless your soul,
Bless your soul.
May the devil send your way a smile,
and may the fires of hell dim.
Oh, bless thy soul,
little one.
************************************************************

My ******** tank teases me with its eternal delivery. Can’t come soon enough. I like to brand myself as an intellectual yet after studying very hard for my biology final I get a C. At a community college nonetheless. This morning I awake to my emotionally abusive cousin and her evil family banging at my window to let them in thr house. They have a key and regardless, there’s a fucking doorbell.

I suppose they enjoy torturing the weak one, the sensitive one, the baby of the family.

I hate life.

only when im alone does this mask come off it feels like i cant tell anyone anything in fear of judgment and being condemd weak i dont think theres been a single day i havnt cried this weak they say a man shouldnt cry  but only if you knew  the legit reasons i have  that i havnt told you  for as long as i can remember suicide has been a thought  yet somehow by schools standards it goes against everything ive been tuaght ive never had parents  im the lonely guy that tried to fit in but got told off the one that had no […]

So Today. I signed up for this website. I knew about it for awhile and i saw some of your stories. There touching and sad. Sometimes i wanna reachout and touch you and say everything is gonna be ok but most of the time its not. no matter how hard you try. All the things in your pass comes back and stabs you right in your heart when it was actually being patched up. i have manic Depression, Bi-polar, sleeping disorder,skizo, i seen Things and been through plenty of things in life that has hurt me and made me scared im 15 years old. im […]

And who will remember your last goodbye?These are the lyrics from Black Veil Brides-In the end.It’s true.WHO? Who will remember that I WAS HERE???Who cares?Who will remember me when I’ll be dead?NO!”I wanna leave my mark here so everyone will know I WAS HERE”.Who will tell my story?To die?To live? This time I take the decission.

hello.This is my story.I’m Cristina.I’m alone.I don’t know what is that word called “love”.I’m just a girl.I’m just a lonely girl.And I wanna die.There were so many times when I wanted to end my life but I couldn’t.Now what am I supposed to do?I just sit down and wait for somebody  to come and save me for depression.I need someone to talk to me and give me a reason to smile.I already started to cut myself.I’m bleeding outside now.But I’m also bleeding inside.

Today, I woke up in my friends house. I wasn’t shocked at all. I was actually a bit relieved. I remember last night in a blur. My adoptive “parents” yelled at me for something I don’t even remember. They were screaming at the top of their lungs. I’m not even sure why or what I did that was so wrong.

The bad part came when Brian, my “dad” raised his arm. I could’ve sworn he was gonna smack me. So, as his hand was about to hit my face i stopped him. I kicked the bastard in the groin so hard, I hope he won’t be […]

I feel so lost and depressed. It’s been years since I haven’t felt really happy. I’m so scared about my future, everything is so blurry. I’m 16 and supposed to know what I want to do for the rest of my life, but I have no idea. I just know I want to leave my family because my dad is so mean and I can’t stay. He yells at me all the time, and tells me I’m nothing. And maybe he’s right.

But before I kill myself, I want to see if life outside of my family is different. I have to leave and I want […]

When you think that you have hit rock bottom you just get lower and you don’t know what to do. How do you cope with that when you don’t know what the bottom is and just don’t want to see the bottom or the way out either. I never want to get out of bed these day, but when I do I can’t seem to stay awake no matter what I do. I just want to die and never have to feel tired again because I will never wake up again. Everyone say to find the good thing for the day, but what if there […]

I’ve lost myself.

Im

so depressed. I’m trapped in the dark depression in my mind. I’m tired of fighting. I think about ending it all everyday. My depression and bad memories are slowly killing my soul. It would be so nice to sleep and never wake up.i have lost hope. I’m giving up.

please someone come and hug me
please hug me tight and make me believe this pain will end
and please hug me and let me get out of this depth of my fears
please hug me tight and make me believe me im strong

If there is reincarnation, I hope that I come back as some critter with an easy life. Anything in the Archaea or Bacteria domains would be great. If I get stuck slumming in the Eukaryote domain again then I hope that I’m a fungus, amoeba, any type of plant or maybe a jellyfish.

Some people post about experiencing burnout on here but they are each DOING something: they’re working 2 jobs, coping with some stressor or maybe they’re students. They are balls-to-the-wall: of course they feel tired. But there’s no stressor for myself that I can think of. My nerves are completely […]