I don’t know why I feel this way. I use to be a mellow, laid back person. I worked hard, but only if the benefits outweighed the costs. I graduated high school, got into a university. I did everything I was told to do and everything that was expected of me. My whole purpose had been drilled into me to get to college. Never anything else. Now I have a job and attend classes. No one even looks this way now. As long as I continue to work and take classes I am ignored. Until they want something of course. My father, does not even […]

“Butterflies can’t see their wings. They can’t see how truly beautiful they are, but everyone else can. People are like that as well.”

I’m sorry I don’t meet their expectations for me.

I’m sorry I can’t find the motivation to work hard anymore.

I’m sorry I thought they would always be there for me.

I’m sorry I can’t stand the sight of my own reflection.

I’m sorry that I always sleep too much or not enough.

I’m sorry that I feel the need to lie to everyone about my feelings.

I’m sorry for wanting to kill myself,

and I’m sorry for not offing myself already.

I tried to kill myself because I could not become and RCMP officer.

Ever since I was 12 I wanted a wife, kids, and to be a doctor.  It was the perfect life to me, to have all that happiness as soon as possible.  I’m with the girl of my dreams, the girl who can be the one.  She even use to say she wants all of that…with me.  Starting two months ago though she seems to be ignoring me and not talking to me like she use to.  The anniversary rituals seemed to have stopped.  I went to the hospital today and she was worried and was talking to me more than she has been.  It made […]

I’m that guy that has been shit on more than anybody knows. Early days as a kid I was harassed daily and tormented by fellow classmates because of my mothers crack addiction. The only reason they knew was because their parents did drugs along with my mother. Was born with a bad foot which pretty much opted me out of any sports or doing well as I could. Shyness throughout the years was difficult to deal with as I learned to talk to females and learn what they wanted and what they saw. My father has been in prison all my life and haven’t read […]

Do you guys think panic attacks are…wimpy? My mom does. Actually, I just had one a moment ago. She says she doesn’t want tantrums at her house. I can’t help it though. I’ll start hyperventilating, and suddenly I start screaming my head off. I’m so stressed I can’t take it anymore! These attacks just come and go. Anything can trigger them. Every time I have one, I just feel so weak and worthless. But this time I almost got my razor out. I don’t even have anything to be depressed about. I have no right to be depressed!

Hearts beats together as one

Brown eyes stare

Hand shivers at your embrane

Knees weaken

What, Why is this happen

Tears falls

A silent mumble

Falls slowly to the ground

Will you be there to lift me back up

No no you wont

These emotions, these feelings

Of solitude , of loneliness has overcome me

No clue nor understanding

What do you want of me

I am dead , cold ice cold

These emotions have caused murder

I died in solitude and alone

Hand-written 🙂

Listen well to doctor man
Eat well and live well if you can
Take your pills and put the bad away
And exercise each and every day
And then you’ll find a better land

Doctor man, he knows best
Won’t let you out to join the rest
Who wandered out into the black
Won’t let you go walkin on that track
As long as you don’t leave a mess

Doctor man, armed well with meds
So what if they mess with your head
No need for all this pain and fear
Ye’ll get better, give it a year
Even if, you just feel dead

Doctor man says, go […]

Hello, ladies and gents!

First of all, let me introduce myself. My name is Joni. I am 17.

and well, like everyone else here, I’ve battled back and forth with negative thinking.

I was never officially diagnosed, but I have struggled with an eating disorder since middle school. Now, I am much better. I love to eat. I was never actually bad in the first place, but a couple of times I could have passed out. Now I have blood sugar problems, but nothing unfixable!

What I deal with the most is the ocd/anxiety/depression. Though I am healing, I still have many many days where I just feel completely […]

Gonna post some poems would love some feedback on them when they go up 🙂

This world… Has no peace.
You may scream and beg… Your pleas are vetoed.
Curse and yell all you want… You’re brushed to a lonely dark.
Every shuddering pain… Overlaps your life.

Sitting in this moon tonight.
Its light almost blinds me..
I feel vulnerable to natures grasp.
Soon… I hope I’m as cold as the ground I lay.

it’s been a while.. and the thought of doing suicide came again last night.

Life”s been up and down.  i’m afraid of being happy, coz in the blink of my eyes things just got worse.

It’s messy now, i’m screwed. Expectations gone wilder.

Been on edge, i’ll let myself fall, just a lil push, i won’t fight.

If only there’s an easy way to go from this fucked up situation.

Whether that be through a botched surgery or adverse effect to a medication?  For me personally my life was ruined by my dentist who removed my mercury fillings without using proper precautions and exposed me to a shitload of mercury and basically destroyed my brain.  I then got tested for my mercury levels but for some reason they showed up at “normal” levels whatever that means.  I know I’m poisoned though so psychologists/psychiatrists called me delusional and gave me the diagnosis of schizophrenia.  My life is over and has been for quite some time.  Is this all there is to life?

The Peacock of Good Fortune and Prosperity. I wish you all good luck with your lives and may the sun shine and warm your backs for eternity. Through days that seem of gloom and nights that sound of terror, I hope you will feel safe with this peacock. I hope prosperity for those who don’t have the best homes, and I know that pretty much everywhere, not many can pay their bills each month. I wish you all well, because I know […]

How do I write a suicide note? What do I even say? How do I describe and make others see this pain that just wouldn’t go away? How can I put them in my place–how do I make them see that only in committing this selfish act I could truly have peace? How do I make them understand that this is the way it had to be? What can I say to make them know the problem with my life is that it was lived by me?

I feel like tonight is the night. I counted down for three weeks… hoping, waiting, wishing, dreaming, believing that […]

Well have not been on in a long while now …been going through alot of problems , just back to say hey and to check up on people

As we are to the world, but I guess you would know that.

Favorite line from my favorite song. But moving forward.

I’ve been plagued with the world’s worse bout of depression I’ve ever felt. Its not that I havn’t felt this way before, but the difference here is that I can’t cry; and something about that seems to be hindering my healing process. Quite frankly though, I’m getting tired. Very tired.

I feel like I’m going insane, and the stillness I’m experiencing is like an inner ring of hell. I’m depressed to a point where there’s NOTHING I want to do, which makes no sense seeing as […]

There is something wrong with me…I’m just not sure what it is. Most of the time I’m sad, and at other times I don’t really feel anything. It’s like I’m numb. Maybe I’m overreacting or just really dramatic but it’s been this way for almost two years now. I always have thoughts of killing myself. The idea of it scares me and usually when I am thinking about doing it, I talk myself out of it. I’m scared that one of these times I might actually go through with it and then what? I know my family would miss me and so would very few […]

It wasn’t violent, the attempted rape. It was mostly tearful, with me pleading for the man to stop. And sick and disgusting. It smelled gross and dirty. I could smell his sweat, I can still smell his sweat. I will never forget it. I will still remember the scent after he got done, after he realised I want going to let him. I fought in my drunkenness.
He had told me that he wanted to talk to me.
William Triplett was his name. He was an ex of mine, and I had just turned 16, and he was 25. I was desperate to find someone […]